Somewhere in Time
by GotYourSixx
Summary: How and why did a microwave mishap send a modern. day, mouthy crime scene technician spiring kicking and screaming into the realm of Middle Earth? Sasha Knauer has no idea. Even without her trusty gun and brilliant team of co-workers, she knows she'll ass-kick her way to the truth.
1. Chapter 1

Some Thoughts, A Few Notes, and hopefully a trip to memory lane:

Okay, first thing here. It is with great sadness that I no longer remember what email corresponds to the penname "TrueAngelToErik." doesn't let you log in with your user-name and guess 500 different passwords, so I may be potentially out of luck. Will I get around to my Phantom story again? Maybe. Let's see how I do here.

Wow, wow, WOW! Have you ever revisited something you wrote or recorded when you were young and upon finding it again either laughed or cringed that you even took part in it?! I mean…. I just paid my Internet bill! When did we grow up?

Holy son of a bing-bong. I see that is no more. I had some works on there I'll never get back…Wow, and I mean wow. Do I laugh or cry? Is FF even still a "thing"?

Part of me feels like a fan girl, part of me feels like I'm reading a diary or old fan letter; part of me feels like an old sap.

I remember writing this. I remember I was in school, and when I was feeling extra highly inspired, I'd actually skip class, curl up in a chair somewhere, and fill up pages of my notebooks. I was on a roll; I didn't have time for things like class! If you're in school now, I don't recommend this. Study hard. Pay attention.

Then again, I can't tell you how much fun it was revisiting this story. Though times change, people change, (and by that, I mean I haven't watched/read LOTR in ages, though I'll always call myself a fan….). Hell, I haven't read or written anything besides paperwork!

So, I'm going to try and dive into this again, update it, make it better, and all hopefully grow with it. I remember I tried to a couple of years ago. I had about half a page typed, and then wasn't sure what to do with it. I may meet the same fate. I hope I don't, so I'm going to try and stay inspired.

I would, however, like to make a note.

Sasha mentions her gun quite a few times. In my area, Crime Scene Technicians (or Crime Scene Specialists) are NOT sworn Law Enforcement Officers. They are not cops. They do not have arresting powers. Therefore, they do not have a gun. They do not attend an Academy. They are civilian positions. However, This does vary and in some places, CSS are sworn and part of the force. Since I'm writing from how I was taught and studied, IF Sasha were to have a gun, it would be of her own personal choice; not part of a uniform compliance.

Secondly, I'm sure you know this, but guns aren't toys. Guys, in the various academies, there is so much effort put forth in teaching you how to use these things correctly. There's a time and a place. That's all I'm going to say. You know right from wrong.

Ok. Without further ado,

Let's get started!

2 August '19


	2. One

Ok we all have our daydream of falling into Middle Earth and being rescued by Orlando.. I, mean, uh, Legalos.. I know we don't like the typical damsel in distress female, and I hope Sasha can show you women can be tough! Even though I'm sure she wouldn't mind falling into Orlando's arms either!

So, here we go.

Disclaimer: You probably already know this, but I don't own LOTR. I don't know the family, I don't know the actors, and I don't know anyone. Let's just keep it there. If you've seen the names either in books or the films, let's just go ahead and assume they don't belong to me. Yes? Okay.

…

"You just don't give up, do you?"

Now before I explain any further, this can be coming from all ends. A lecture from a parent, the response to a less than bright idea by a friend, or, in my case, one of the few co-workers I could handle.

"Nope," Sasha Knauer, or "I", I suppose I should say, grinned at Catherine, co-worker extraordinaire. "It's a flaw. But, at least it's not my big mouth or answering back. I used to get in trouble for that all the time."

Catherine rolled her eyes. "Well, here's my advice. And it's good, so you better listen. You cannot, and I repeat absolutely cannot-" she stressed, "stick your gun into someone's butt and say 'don't move, or I'll blow your ass-cheeks off."

Sasha knew this. She wasn't exactly a rookie. She knew about prisoners' rights and all that mumbo jumbo. She didn't exactly agree with it, but it wasn't unfamiliar. She did, however, always think anything goes when the law was involved. Heck, police officers can lie to your face!

"What'd I do? We got what we needed, and your way wasn't working." She defended her actions, but it came out more of a whine.

"Sasha, I know you're smart. I know that. But when you pull bonehead stunts like this, I can't tell if you're brilliant or nuts. A warrant was there. We would have got what we needed without pointless threats."

"Don't tell me you wouldn't have wanted to see me do it," Sasha grunted, unwrapping her messy bun and shaking out her hair. 'So I'm the reckless loser that'll never be tamed or make it with the greats?"

'No, I didn't say that. You've got balls, kiddo. You just need to learn when to keep them hidden. If you're too reckless, the kick will hurt."

"Ooh wonderful." She made a face, even though she didn't have those body parts, she could imagine pain.

"And at that point, there will be little I can do to help you. Now come on, enough with the balls and ass-cheeks, I'll buy ya a drink." Catherine offered, taking her own hair down, before changing her mind and putting it up again.

The pair walked to the Bistro d'OC, enjoying a rare moment of peace. Crime was never going away. Death was never going away. Long hours were never going to go away. In saying, the District of Columbia owned their souls until they were dead, or reached retirement. Whichever happened first.

"So, tell me something…"Catherine trailed off to her partner, "crime scene technician… Inspired by that show? Totally wrong, you know. But still good entertainment."

"Nah," Sasha laughed, looking around for a lemon to add to her drink. "It was a mixture of things. First, my dad put the idea in my head. He's been telling me to take this job for years, and then send him pictures of a head over here" she put one hand down, "and then a body over here," she put the other one further away. "Then, I had an uncle who was head of the SWAT Team in New York. Different jobs, obviously, but I'd sit and listen to the stories and I just knew I could do it."

"Wow, SWAT Team. New York. I'm already in love with your family. Is that what you want to do? Work in New York?"

"Me? Ugh, God no. I want to work for the FBI. I've got my heart set on a Secret Agent," Sasha's eyes smiled, giving away her emotions. "It's a long way off, I've got a lot to learn, but you know… One day.."

"Secret Agent? Don't they want you to know Chinese or something like that?"

"No, they used to want accountants and lawyers, but now if you have a degree they'll look at you. I can't speak a lick of Chinese, but I know French. And I'm working on Italian."

"I see.. So this grand one day, your co-workers will be the brilliant minds of the FBI and I'll just be someone who can say I knew you when." Catherine teased, taking a sip of her drink. "Actually, pass my card around…you'll be the best trained out of everyone! Now, we've sat too long. Come on, up."

"Hey now, we can be a deterrence sitting and drinking. All work no play?"

"Hah. Get used to it, kid. Long days, hard days, no sleep, rough events, why do you think there's such a high turnover rate?"

"Maternity leave?"

"If only. Now I am going to retrieve the rest of our goodies, and you're going to return home and bid your bed goodbye. This will most likely be the last night for a while. It's now or never, kid. Tag, you're it!"

"When do I come back?"

"When I call you," Catherine brushed imaginary wrinkles out of her clothes, "When you're needed."

"Uh, when's that?"

"Exactly. Go on, now. Go."

Putting her hair back up in a ponytail, Sasha sighed and shoved her hands into her pockets. Although she didn't have a life she was concerned about giving up, could she handle this on call business? Maybe she should have followed her mother's advice and studied teaching. At least she would have specified hours and a specified curriculum.

"Is there anything else I'd rather be doing?" She asked herself out loud as she buzzed herself through the precinct's gates and scanning the parking lot for her car. Sure it was a deep question, but it was also her favorite. To her, it worked out better than making any pro or con list.

"No, not at all,' she answered herself. "I'm doing exactly what I want, and it can only help me end up right where I want."

She turned her engine over and stared at her reflection in the glass. "Baby steps."


	3. 2

Disclaimer: Still making no money. None, none, none.. I suppose I'm not doing this right, huh?

Walking in her door, Sasha booted up her radio, pet Midnight, her dog, and stared into her own pantry wishing food would secretly appear. "Each," she groaned, stretching out the word, moving so the dog could explore the emptiness, too. There was an open back of graham crackers, some sea salt popcorn, a couple bottles of beer, and a handful of Ramen Noodles.

"Dinner of champions," she said to Midnight, as she grabbed a bowl and then refreshed the dog's water bowl. "Note to self. Find human food. Right after find well educated man with attractive paycheck." Midnight just stared, wondering if her mother was going to share those noodles.

Emptying her soup into the bowl, she stuck it in the microwave for the typical five minutes and sighed. Now what? Should she change? Shower? Sit down and rest?

As the other two options took some time, she grabbed her leopard slippers, a purple shirt, and black track pants. At least if she got the dreaded phone call, she didn't look like death warmed over. It wasn't a prom dress, but she was decent.

"Has it been five minutes yet?" she asked Midnight, who turned and jumped on the couch. "I'm hungry." Of course, silence. Had she really expected the little dog to answer?"

"You're a Mexican Hotdog, I could just eat you, you know. Remember that." She referenced the tiny dog's breed, a ChiWeenie.

Tilting her head, she saw that the food had been cooking for way longer than she intended it to. The timer read 42:50.

"What the-_" She grabbed a towel to substitute as a potholder, pressed cancel on her overheating machine, and opened the door.

What happened next, well, she wasn't really sure. There were flashes of green light, which was odd because the bulb in her microwave was yellow. Gusts of wind that she was sure DC had never experienced, and a liquidly substance she momentarily prayed to God wasn't her own blood. Or worse, body liquid. Even in her chosen field, these options were not a strong love. She tilted her head so the liquid, whatever it was, wouldn't interfere with her breathing and wondered how the hell should would explain all this to her landlord.

Screw that! Explain it to herself, first!

Was she alive? She couldn't tell if she was hurt. She felt nothing.

Well, not entirely true. She felt annoyance. But considering it was better than pain or fear, she accepted it.

She heard voices, but did not understand words. In fact, she couldn't even tell if these words were even in English. All she knew was someone was speaking, and she assumed to her.

Was it the fire department? Brilliant. A gorgeous firefighter, and she probably looked like hell. She probably had food all over her clothes and smelled of smoke. She finally figured she was on the receiving end of the voice when the arm attached to it decided to shake her shoulder.

"You know where I come from, most firefighters use CPR before they shake you" She attempted to open her eyes and take this hunk in. "You know, the kiss of life."

"My lady, um, CPR?"

"Mmmhmm," she smirked and attempted to nod. "Ok that didn't go so well. Don't make me laugh. Pain."

"What kind of pain?"

Well this guy was concerned. Maybe he wasn't a firefighter at all. Maybe he was a doctor.

"The kind that hurts." Wasn't it obvious? Pain is pain.

"Where does it hurt, my lady?"

That was the second time he'd called her that. She noticed it this time, but honestly could careless. She'd stay still until she could move, and then she'd either get his number, or wish him well and be on her way.

"No, I'm fine… Really. It's more shock than anything, you know, my ego is bruised. Normally the fire alarm cheers me on, I don't know what this is about. I don't actually know how I got outside, but if you point me to the nearest phone, that would be great."

"What is… What is a phone?"

Maybe she was in a foreign district. Maybe whatever happened to her was so rare, only European medicine could help her. She started to notice this guy had an accent, but she couldn't tell from where.

"Phone," she repeated, placing her thumb and pinky by her mouth in the shape of a phone. You know, the thing you talk on. Have you got one?"

"N-no…" He stared at her like she had five heads.

"Of course. Hey, it's alright. I've got a girlfriend who always tells strangers she doesn't have her phone. Even though it's usually always in her pocket. Just point me to a restaurant or something and we're cool. No hard feelings."

Of course this Ren-faire escapee wouldn't have a phone. Where would he put it? She started to come around and take in her surroundings and firmly concluded even if he did have a phone, she didn't want to know where he'd place it. After all, men didn't have the built in boob purses that females did.

Finally, she was able to stand and was relieved to see the horrid liquid she was petrified of was only water. Muddy water, but water nonetheless.

"So, are you involved in SCA or something" she attempted to ask, watching him, as he watched her attempt to move. "I don't usually see people running around dressed like you."

Maybe he was a firefighter with a hobby. Or did something similar to Doctors without Boarders.

"They don't?" He answered back to her, a hint of amusement in his voice. "Well, that is a shame. Not only are my clothes practical, but they are comfortable as well. But I must ask you, my lady, what is SCA?"

Damn, these role players take their characters seriously! They wouldn't even admit to being a character. Unless…. Was this guy a rival of SCA?. Wait, did SCA have rivals? Did role players have rivals? Sasha wasn't too familiar with them, either. Wait, could he be from Comic-Con?

"Ok," she laughed weakly, pushing her hair from her face. "I'm getting a little tired of these games, so I'm going. Alright? Bye?" She waved to him, and took a step back.

"My lady, where are you going all alone?"

She lost count. Was this the fifth time? Sixth? If she were Anne Boleyn this would be charming.

Hold on, that would be Your Highness, right? My Lady would be a different social class.

"Home. I'm going home. Look, I figure you're some diplomat's son, which is pretty cool. You've got yourself a…" she trailed off, thinking of an appropriate word, "hobby, and although it's not to my taste, good for you. I'm not one for the past; it's all a bunch of stories. I need to watch for the future. So, um, bye."

"My lady, I do not think you should travel alone. These are dangerous times, and an injured woman would not get far."

"Nonsense. I've lived here for years. Just tell me where I am, and I'll be fine." She tried to keep a straight face, because as she said this, she looked around. And didn't recognize a thing.

"You have arrived in Bree."

"Bree? Where the hell is that?" It just came out. She couldn't stop herself or play it cool even if she wanted to.

"Aye," he nodded. "Bree. I told you, you would not be familiar."

She ignored him. "And this Bree is where?"

"What happened to I will be fine?" He smirked at her, though did an admirable job trying to hide it.

"Look, dude!" She started getting agitated. "Where the hell is Bree? I'm getting sick of this run-around." He didn't seem like a weirdo, her danger antenna wasn't sky high, but why all the secrecy?

"Okay," she took a deep breath and attempted to calm down. "I'm going to ask you this one more time, and now I'm expecting a straight answer. Where is this Bree? Are we still in DC?"

By now, she was sure he was foreign Maybe she just needed to slow down and speak slowly.

He returned her stare as if she was the one who was slow and foreign and needed everything explained to her.

"It's in Middle-Earth."


	4. 3

"Middle Earth, huh?" Sasha tilted her head back biting her tongue to keep from laughing. "Okay, Lancelot, you and your other knights have a great time in Merry Olde England, and I'll just be on my way." She taunted in a horrible, overelaborated British accent

How hard did she hit her head exactly? Why did nothing look the same? How come nothing she saw for miles resembled anything from modern DC?

"Ohhh God, don't tell me that loony bin escapee was correct" she cried, instinctively hugging herself. "No. No, it's impossible. Any minute now I'm going to wake up and find out I napped way too long, my food is cold, and the dog's really going to have to go out."

Convinced she was dreaming, she sauntered into the closest building she could find, the Prancing Pony, and entered with swagger only Doc Holliday could pull off. Awake and alert she would have never put herself in a dangerous position so quickly, but what the hell? She was asleep. She couldn't die. She could do anything she desired.

And that desire was taking a seat.

Looking around, she took in the scenery of the room. Old, dark, very English Pub-esque. If not for the laughter and loud voices, very unwelcoming. Maybe she was in the ghetto? Is this how Hyacinth Bouquet felt when she entered pubs?

"What'll it be, lassie?"

Timmy is caught in a well, the house is on fire, and ma and pa are at the diner…

"Um, can I have a good old Jack, please? After today, I need something strong."

"Kid, there ain't no Jack in these parts. You've got the wrong place."

"Noo," she took a deep breath and sighed. "I'll take a beer then. Er, gin. No, wait…ale! That's right, it's called Ale!"

He made a face and started on the order, mumbling something about some strange girl who apparently had one too many and should be home with her family. Sasha was left kicking herself for her stupid mistake.

"Believe me yet, my lady?"

"Ugh." Now the strange girl who supposedly had too much to drink whirled around to find her least favorite role-player. "What are you still doing here? Are you stalking me? Because let me tell you something, if you are, I am not in the mood. I have permission to carry a gun and can shoot your damn brains out." Out of a habit, she reached for her right side, her dominant side, and scowled when she only made contact with air.

"Okay.. I don't have my gun. But I'm pretty damn good with my fists. And stop smirking at me you, you…weirdo."

"I apologise," he smiled. "But I simply find it amusing how you get in such a state when I clearly mean you no harm."

"You? Harm me? A 15 year old can take you on. But, let's review, shall we? You're stalking me. You walk around trying to tell me I'm in some made up fantasyland from some storybook, and you walk around with some ninja sword attached to your back. Which is very cool, but not needed!"

"And helping a lady clearly lost and in distress."

"Oh, go away." Sasha downed her drink and spun around to face the exit. "I'm not in the mood for you right now." No way in hell was she going to tell him he would have been useful to order her drink with the right phrases.

"Please, just let me help you. You are lost here."

She took a fork, or what she thought was a fork, and pointed it at him. "No, we are done here. I am going to leave, and your choices are either to stay here alone, or leave, alone. I swear you are absolutely no help."

"Yeah," she concluded as if she just figured it out, "You're no help. Goodbye."

If she had a purse she would have made extra sure she hit him. At least in the arm. Instead, she settled for flopping her hair over her shoulder and walking backward towards the door, keeping her eye on him the whole time.

There was a small part of her that wanted to give him a break and accept his offer. And who knows, maybe she would have if he weren't so damn pushy. She marched out of the inn and wandered about the town trying as hard as she could to make sense out of her situation.

All she could figure was she was not home. She wasn't anywhere near home. Everyone spoke funny, there were no cars, light poles, traffic, honking horns, nothing. She didn't know why this happened, and by God she didn't know how. While her professional life was a long list of clues and puzzles to be solved, she liked things a little more structured and neat in her personal life.

"Why the hell am I here? What did I do?" she questioned, watching a horse in front of her. Yes, a horse. Another hint. She had found herself in a stable. "Not that I'm starting to believe that guy, it's still impossible, but maybe it's half right?"

While she thought horses were beautiful, she was a city girl. She didn't know how to approach them or even make physical contact with one, so she watched it from afar and asked her most burning question. "And how the hell do I survive without my gun?"

It was at that moment she made a deal with herself. She would accept this Middle Earth dream, or even injury. She would also, however, with every beat of her heart will herself to wake up in the real world once again. If that meant her "real world" was in a hospital bed, so be it.

"Okay, horsy," she reached out, in and attempt to pet him. "Let's see how far we can ride this, what do you say?"

"His name is Elros. Named for my kin."

Sasha looked up toward the wall and sighed. Of course he was here. He was everywhere. "Why can't you leave me alone? Isn't it obvious I want to be by myself?"

"If anything were to happen to you, my lady, I could never forgive myself."

Okay, now it was time. "Come," she patted the spot next to her. "In that case, it's time to have a talk. One, it's Sasha. Just Sasha. No my lady, no miss, and if you value your life, definitely not ma'am. Two, I'm sure there are other lost girls you can be annoying."

"No, my Lady Sasha. Just you."

She snorted and stopped petting Elros, turning back towards him. "Hey now, did you not hear a word I said?"

"I cannot call you what you wish. We are not married, we are not courting, and it would be improper."

"Oh, lovely. A comedian. Well, look. We all have to make sacrifices here. And what improper? As long as you're not over here calling me woman, first names are fine. By the way, what's yours? I can't keep calling you Freak Boy."

"I am Elladan Elrondian, of Imladris."

"And I thought my last name was complicated. Nice to meet you, Elladan, but if you don't mind, I gotta go."

"Go where my La- Sasha."

Against her will, she grinned happily at him. Sure it was little, but it was the greatest bond they've had yet. "See, you tried. I'll accept that. Anyway, go away. From here. Find help, a shower, wake up maybe…" she rattled off her list, muttering the last part to herself.

"Let me take you home with me," Elladan offered softly. "You are guaranteed safety in Imladris and ada would never send away a lady. Glorfy will be thrilled for a fresh pair of ears for his continuous stories."

She hadn't a clue what all that meant. Something about stories and safety? She had to admit, she was a little intrigued. In her heart, she knew damn well what he meant, but she was also a woman of the world. She hadn't seen pureness in years and felt like an old pervert for thinking he meant otherwise. She also knew that no matter how nice, sweet, calm, or helpful someone may appear, anyone had the potential to turn nasty.

"I think I'll pass," she whispered, too tired and too done to raise anymore hell. It was obvious no matter how many time she hemmed and hawed, he wasn't going to leave her in peace. Even if he didn't have good intentions, this was a dream, remember? She'd be fine.

"What? Why?"

She got the feeling he wasn't used to girls turning him down, ever. A wicked, nasty, and semi sarcastic idea formed in her head and a slow smile spread across her lips.

Two can play at this.

"We are not married, we are not courting, and it would be improper."

Elladan's jaw dropped open. He'd never had this effect on a female before, he didn't quite recognize the traits, but he knew damn well he did not like it.


	5. 4

Disclaimer: This is still all for fun. I still make no clam to these characters and I'm not making a single cent. Anyone you have seen before is not of my creation. Thank you.

Sasha was stuck in her word. She mentally kicked herself for trying to be such a tough guy and comforted herself by walking towards what appeared to be the only road out of town. If this Elladan guy wanted her around so much, he'd come and claim her.

Yikes. She was already treating him like a date.

She still stuck to the idea that he was handsome. He completely annoyed her and pushed every button she had, but he was cute. Had this been in another place and time, and not fantasyland, maybe she'd think twice. Not totally disgusted by the thought, she gathered her hair off the back of her neck into a bun and pressed on.

As expected, she soon heard the sound of footsteps coming up behind her. She picked up male voices and harrumphed when she found she couldn't understand what they were saying. She had always prided herself in having a special talent and healthy respect for the art of eavesdropping. But like all powers, with this talent came the distress she was doomed to carry. Often, without meaning to, she would later speak of what she learned during the eavesdropping process, thus admitting guilt to the crime.

"So where is this strange visitor we must bring to ada?" Elrohir questioned his brother, gracefully swimming his arm over the older elf's shoulders. Elladan stood firm and silently gestured to the stubborn girl on the path.

"Her?" Elrohir did a double take, following his brother's gaze. "She appears to be harmless enough. She will bring no danger."

"Do not be deceived. She's got a mouth that would make an Ork blush. Though I'd quite like to see her with a blade. She's certainly passionate, speaking words I do not understand, yet I feel such words could do great damage."

In a complete display of youthful arrogance, Elrohir decided he was going to approach the tired human girl. He was no doubt sure she'd talk to him.

"Perhaps you will have better luck than I. Good luck, brother."

Confidently, Elrohir approached the female. Knowing Elladan as he did, he was almost sure he jumped on her right away. If she were indeed lost and alone, an intense Elladan would set anybody off. She was calm now, sitting against the gate of the village waiting for any sign of life in front of her.

"Who would you be waiting for, my Lady?"

"I'm not waiting, I'm-" she turned around to see whom the voice belonged to. "Oh, it's you, never mind then. Nothing. I'm doing nothing."

Elrohir had to bite his tongue to hide a smirk. He pictured the idea of his impatient brother handling this human girl. He was ready to laugh and never stop.

"My lady, I think there's some mistake-"

"No, no mistake," She cut him off. "I said I'd go with you, not I'll talk to you. There's a difference."

"There's no need for that."

"Oh, yes there is." She retorted in a similar tone. "I don't like you. You're pushy and obnoxious and honestly, you try way too hard."

In translated female speak, she found him cute, but incredibly annoying and probably compensating for something else. Maybe the fact he was a total whackadoodle?

Meanwhile, Elrohir plotted his grand finale and went in for the kill. Though he'd have to keep his brother away while she sputtered about and ate her words because he would no doubt have comments and make things worse. "You believe me to be Elladan, do you not?"

"I see, and you changed your name now? That's the name you told me, am I to believe you're truly nuts? How many personalities do you have in your head?" She was right all along! He was nuts! He had to be… because this just confirmed it in her mind.

"A-am I what? What's nuts?"

"Nothing" she sighed, realizing it would take more time to explain what nuts is rather than just humor him. "Never mind. Alright, who are you now?"

"I am Elrohir of Imladris, my Lady." He gently kissed her hand, and Sasha's eyebrows shot up to her hairline. Now if the other one, if there truly was another one, came at her like this… maybe, just maybe she'd have reacted differently. Good Lord above! There's two of them who look like that?!

"I believe your…" he chose his next words carefully, "unpleasant experience was in the aftermath of my brother. And yes, I hear you're coming home with us? To Imladris?"

She recognized that word, and assuming that was the name of their home, after all, Scarlett O'Hara had a "Tara." She nodded her affirmative, momentarily unsure of how to respond. This guy was calming. Maybe it was his voice. Maybe it was his eyes. "Yep," she finally admitted, "like a little lost puppy. Are you going to give me a bath, wrap a ribbon around my neck, stick flowers in my mouth, and let me run up to your parents while you all beg them to let me stay? I did that once as a kid, my mom totally ate it up. My dad, on the other hand, was harder to sway, but after awhile, they became best friends!"

"I, uh, well…if it would please you." Valor, this human was strange. And Elladan was indeed correct, she did talk a lot and have words and phrases no one would possibly understand.

Sasha laughed for the first time since her arrival. "No, I mean, I could. Parents love me. But what I meant was I went through that ordeal with a puppy I wanted when I was a kid. I wanted to keep it- it was a beagle whose dad was always out of town and let's be fair, she needed a new home."

The more she talked, the more Elrohir decided to collect information. So she liked animals. Maybe she was truly an old softie after all. "I get it," he visibly relaxed, "you are comparing yourself to a lost puppy. I understand now."

"Yeah, something like that."

The not yet completely comfortable, but friendly pair were interrupted be Elladan shouting across the threshold if they were prepared for the journey home. He stood before them holding three of the most gorgeous horses Sasha had ever seen.

Three horses that just happened to be standing there without a saddle.

Now she was no expert, hell, she hadn't been on a horse in years, but she did know enough to know a saddle was like a helmet. Something that you needed. Something non-negotiable.

"He is an Elvish horse" Elladan reassured her quickly, before she had a chance to protest and giving her a boost on Elros' back. "I thought you'd like this one." He whispered gently.

"Elros is a wonderful horse," Elrohir confirmed his brother's comments. "He will not let you fall."

Elvish horse. He wouldn't let her fall. All these thoughts sounded absolutely ridiculous to her modern way of thinking. How could a horse not let you fall? If you couldn't stay steady, there was nothing the horse could do. On the other hand, if she did fall, maybe it would be just what she needed to wake up, even if that meant with a concussion.

"Alrighty then," she patted the horse gently. "Giddy up."


	6. 5

Truth be told, Sasha was glad for Elrohir input. She remembered a little bit from her riding days, but she was no Olympic champion. If there were any chance of her falling on her ass for the entire world to see, it would happen. She instinctively held onto Elros' mane for dear life and chewed the inside of her lip trying to think of something to say. She didn't want to just start babbling and sound like a brainless, no-nothing twit.

"Soo," she drowned out the word, "how long is the ride?"

Brilliant. Real intelligent.

"Imladris is a ride six days from here."

Wonderful. She had to stress out about falling for six days? Why not six years. Or 60?

She settled back and felt her cockiness fade with each passing second. She never should have agreed to this. Not only was she entirely out of her element is every single way, but these two were now leading her God knows where, to do God knows what to her. She could only imagine the newspaper headlines.

The twins chattered amongst themselves in their mumbo jumbo gibberish while Sasha sat stiff as marble, lost in her own thoughts. Everything from the gruesome death that could await her, to what if she was really dead, to how her dog is doing. Not to mention her family. Were they aware? Did they know? Was she on a ventilator somewhere? Eventually, she forgot there was a thousand pound animal under her butt.

"Can we start over?" Elladan asked almost shyly, bounding up to her to fall in step with her horse. Sasha tried to look at Elrohir, wondering if that's what their mumbo jumbo was about, but he wouldn't make eye contact with her. So, she did what any female in a similar situation would do. Make a mental note to ask later.

"Uh, sure. For the good of the group and your apparent peace of mind, fine. Er, yes. Sure we can."

Relieved, Elladan broke into a grin. He would have hugged her if he could. He absolutely detested tense moments; such issues just weren't him. He'd much rather spend his time having fun, not fighting. Against her will, Sasha broke into a smile too. She felt a bit safer. Now they had no reason to drug and kill her out of anger.

But instead of staying mad and blowing things up, she apparently threw a grenade. "Why are you doing this?" She finally asked him, "Why are you helping me?"

"Respect the enemy."

"The hell does that mean?" She knew exactly what it meant, but she wasn't sure in this context. Was she bad? Was she unwanted? Did they know something she didn't? Was she back to booking a one-way ticket to worm chow? "What enemy? What are you talking about?"

Elrohir elbowed his brother in the ribcage and told her not to worry. He was simply an idiot and had no idea what he was talking about. At one point, she would have agreed, and maybe even cracked a smile, but thinking they were setting her up for even more of a mess bothered her.

Damn it to hell. If Elros had reigns, she would have hauled him to a stop and demanded answers. "Am I missing something?" She smiled at Elladan, hoping their newfound friendship would yield results.

"Sweet one, we cannot tell you, for we are under the strictest of confidence. I am sorry."

She wasn't convinced. She was caught between intrigue, doubt, and maybe a little fear.

"Do you think I'm a bad person or something? Because let me tell you something, no one goes out willingly wanting to make enemies. Let me rephrase that. ***I* **don't go around wanting to make enemies."

"No, of course not," Elrohir glanced at her sympathetically. "But do you not think it's odd a stranger from a distant land has just appeared when they weapon of the enemy may have been found?" The way he said it made sense… If she had understood what the hell he was saying to begin with. Now, it was Elladan's turn to elbow his brother. "Of course, I did not just say that, you realize."

"Yeah, sure." She shook her head in agreement. "I didn't hear a thing." Now her head was really spinning. What weapon? What enemy? Was she in danger? Were they in danger? If this really was Middle Earth, damn she wished she paid more attention, but she was forced to read the books, it wasn't for pleasure. So, like all teenagers, she either read to get it over with, or found the information elsewhere.

"I deal with a lot of law enforcement," she head herself saying. "I deal with confessions quite often."

"Law enforcement, my lady?" Another one of her odd words that meant nothing to anyone else but her.

"Oh boy, okay.. let's see.. So when someone dies, or someone gets hurt, or your property gets damaged, I come collect clues. Talk to people. Try to figure out what happened and how to be of help." Yeah, that works. That's easy to understand.

"So you work for the good of your people?"

"Never thought of it like that, but yeah. I guess so." Or I did before I became Public Enemy Number One!

She noticed the boys exchange grins.

"What now?" Was she going to be radioactive too? Could she get HBO through her eyeballs?

"You're like a ranger!" They exclaimed in unison. She wished she had a twin so they could collectively ask them what the hell they were talking about. Rangers were at the shooting range. She didn't mention a thing about the gun.

They lingered a bit and while she could tell they wanted to tell her, they stayed oddly silent. It wasn't until they were free of the horses and she was no longer shooting daggers at Elladan from her eyes that he took it upon himself to explain what exactly a ranger is. She found herself only listening to part of the conversation. So basically rangers live and breath protection, they're brave, and do what's best for others. Alright, cool. That's mighty high praise.

"Most people I serve are dead already. I didn't know them as living, breathing people."

"You protect others before they reach the same fate."

She decided not to go into the various branches of Law Enforcement and explain no, that's the actual police officers. But she made a mental note to pass on the praise if she returned home.

"I try, " she decided to explain. "We all do. Get the assholes off the street."

Elladan grinned at her, "You're very brave, Faelwen."

"Oh come on now, I don't mumbo jumbo in front of you."

Well, she did. In her own way.

"It's a name," Elrohir explained, walking up behind her. She had been too busy soaking up Elladan's praise, she hadn't even noticed him. " An Elvish name. Means Justice."

"Oh, got it. So is this like a first name? Or a diminutive or nickname or something?"

"Aye, first name. Now, this is home sweet home for tonight. I suggest you get some rest now."

That's not something she was looking forward to. She had been sitting still all day. "I think I'd rather walk around and explore. If I sit any more, my butt will turn to stone."

Instantly, Elladan was at her side. "Shall we?"

Flattered, Sasha put her hands on his shoulders to keep him from flying away. "Easy there, cowboy. I meant by myself. I just need to think a bit."

"I'll be quiet," Elladan promised quickly. Elrohir snorted.

The older twin glared at his brother, before realizing she was going to do it anyway. "Please do not go far."

She saluted him mockingly.

"Okay, okay. But I have a hard time doing what people want to me do. Just saying."


	7. 6

Disclaimer: I would just like to point out that I still receive no money for this. This is just for fun, and hopefully entertainment. I still have no connection to anyone important.

Sasha rolled her eyes at the worrywarts and walked off. Out of habit, she placed her hands in her pockets and her green eyes stayed open wide, ready to take the scenery in. If not for the previous talk of some enemy bastard, and the reluctance to elaborate, she would have almost felt comforted and at peace by all this greenery.

The keyword here was almost. She'd feel better, but not happier.

She pressed on, and momentarily stopped in front of a giant tree that just had to be a million feet tall. Well, not that tall, but taller than anything she'd seen. She didn't know what tree it was. Hell, the only tree she could identify besides a palm tree was a Weeping Willow, and that's only because her mother had a song about one when she was young. No, this one was tall and proud and old. It wasn't weeping in the slightest. She wondered what trees could talk about, and what stories they could tell.

She was failing miserably at picturing the scene back home. In regular earth time, she wasn't sure if she'd been gone five minutes, a half hour, or a year. What was her funeral like? Did her family fight over who did a eulogy? Did they even play good music? Did her mother force her to go to eternity in a dress? In college, she took a Death and Dying class, and one of her assignments was to literally plan out her funeral. At the time, a young college kid with the whole world in front of her, she had found it a morbid and horrible assignment. Now, she wondered how much of it really happened. While she couldn't form a thought of what was going on back home this round, she kept the idea in her head and decided to work on it later. She assumed no news was good news. If she couldn't picture herself for sure dead, maybe she wasn't.

Like a dog, she circled around a tree looking for a place to sit down. One would think she'd had enough sitting down to last three lifetimes, but she felt silly just standing there with no place to go. She leaned back into the trunk and tilted her head so she stared sideways. Sure, she could go back to the boys, but it was nice here. It was peaceful. So, she decided against it.

"Thought you'd be here," a calm voice broke into her silent peace and busy thoughts.

"Holy shit," she jumped a mile high. Her eyes jerked open and she leaned forward glancing around. " I could have sworn I was completely by myself."

Elladan smiled. "You were. For a bit. But you've been gone for an awfully long time so I set out to find you."

"Mm. Did you use the force?"

"The…what?"

"Ah." She shrugged it off. Somehow, as horrible as it sounded, it made her feel better when he didn't understand things she said. It made her feel as though she weren't the only one lost and completely confused.

"So," she gestured to the spot next to her, "You don't want to sit down, do you?"

Elladan tilted his head in her direction and stared at her, confused. "Does that mean you do not wish for me to?" He did his best to not sound as though he was accusing her, in order to prevent an outburst.

"No," she shook her head. "I was asking if you wanted to."

Happily, the elf plopped down next to her and briefly focused on the tree before turning his attention to her once more.

"Yes? Something on your mind?"

"They say they will gladly accept your help and your beauty is one thing that puts all the stars to shame."

"Whoa, did you leave your hat in your ascot? What the hell are you talking about?"

"The trees." He explained, as if it were the most obvious thing in the entire world and she was a completely ninny for not understanding it.

"The trees said that? The trees spoke?"

He nodded. Defending his words.

"To you?"

"Yes, to me. But all Elves can communicate with trees. Not just me."

If she had more energy, she would have laughed. Laughed until the tears ran down her face. Laughed until she had great abs. Laughed until she couldn't breathe. He was so serious and truly believed he had spoken to a tree.

But she couldn't laugh. For all she knew, that may have taken a lot for him to admit to her, and she knew better than to laugh at anything. So, she talked. And it's dangerous when she talks.

Because these words locked her in, and wouldn't give her the key to leave.

"What help?"

He bit his lip and looked to the ground. He had spoken too much.

Fully alert, Sasha was on full guard and pure personal nosiness. She absolutely detested being left out of the loop. She had big ears, and sometimes an even bigger mouth. She wanted to jump on this guy and demand answers, but instead she decided on something all men related to. Coolness and non-chalant.

"What can I do for you?" She spearheaded straightforward, right to the heart. So much for playing it cool.

"Nothing, my Lady. It was a mistake to speak of such."

"Dude, you brought this on yourself. Or the trees brought it up for you." She couldn't believe she said the last part of that sentence with a straight face. The trees. Really? "To not continue would be extremely rude, Twin Boy."

"Elladan," he corrected her smiling. "Now why would one so far from home, convinced we are a group of nuts, and must be as far away from you as possible, want to hypothetically be of assistance?"

She sighed, and stared back at the direction of their campground. Of course, she couldn't see it. "It's what I do."

"There is no reward, my Lady."

"Who said anything about money? You- or someone needs help. I can maybe offer this help. What kind of person would I be if I said Nope, screw you… you're on your own?"

At the very beginning, she may have said that. Definitely felt bad about saying that, but would have rejected anything anyone asked her. But she had accepted this dream and again, in a dream, you're Wonder Woman. Nothing can harm you.

Maybe she'd get a key from the Mayor. Heck, maybe she could even fly!

"Screw you, my Lady?" Elrohir questioned hesitantly, approaching her tree and leaning on it one-handed.

"Don't ask. I wouldn't even know where to start."

Both twins nodded.

"If we are finished with your exploring, my Lady, I feel we should return to our camp."

To be slightly annoying, since they continued with her anti my lady speech, she loudly announced she was comfortable by her tree and had absolutely no wish to move. Elladan grabbed her hand and pulled her up anyway. In a true classy moment, she stuck her tongue out at him, while he just laughed.

"What happened to not wanting to sit, my Lady?"

"Changed my mind."

"Touché."

"Oh that word you know. That one you get. Anyway, damn right, don't mess with me, kid."

She remained silent as she followed them back in the original direction. More often than not, she liked the conversation as it kept her distracted and didn't give her mind time to act up. However, when they returned to the campgrounds, amazed was the best word she could find for the site in front of her.

Although they were outdoors with no cabins or glamping facilities in view, she was impressed. Elrohir had set up a blazing fire, complete with what could have been sleeping bags. Hell, it could have been two blankets sewn together and she but for men, elves, or anyone of the male gender, she was impressed. It was a hell of a lot more than she could ever do.

"Which one's mine?"

"I thought it would be best if you stayed in the middle." Elrohir explained, "That way, you will be safe."

Uh huh. Of course you did, big fella.

She wanted to say she was more than capable of protecting herself. Then she wanted to ask what she'd be protected from. What's out there? It's the middle of nowhere. Were there bears? While she didn't have her usual means of protection, she was up to the challenge.

Silently, she plopped in the middle space beneath her and faced the sky. She didn't have this back home. She was born and bred in the city and hadn't been camping since she was 13 years old, in Girl Scouts. And they stayed in cabins. She and her friend, Jenny, would act out movies they loved. Especially she remembered Grease, and While you were Sleeping.

But the important thing, they knew how to turn it off. If, and a big if, she was still in a SCA episode, she understood the fun of the role-play. But she also knew it's possible to be "normal."

Elrohir made himself comfortable on his own pile of bedding next to her and watched her carefully. "Are you tired? I promise, nothing will befall you."

"Nope. I'm a lot of things right now," she tore her attention off the stars and to him, "but tired sure isn't one of them."

This was a lie. Slightly. Of course she was tired. How could you not be tired? But other things took precedence.

"Elrohir," Elladan interrupted them, "I will take first watch."

Elrohir nodded his brother off and Sasha's eyes darted after him. Hurray for the familiar! This is like patrol! This is something she knew about! This was something she could do. She also knew patrol was essentially a waiting game, and many cops back home entertained themselves on their phones. Of which she did not have.

Although she was not fond of the third shift, she sadly watched Elladan leave and kept a glance on him until he was out of sight. She'd go if she could. But in their weird way, they were right. She could be in the shape of Arnold himself and still be in danger. Quickly she told herself she would not take part in anything involving ice cream floats for awhile, no matter how good they appeared to be.

Elrohir, who had long since turned his attention back to the contemplative, moping human female, wondering how he could get inside her mind. "Are you frightened for him?"

Is that why he assumed? Is that what he thought? "Sure, let's go with that." There was no way she was going to tell him she was bored and wanted to be of use and do something. There were two options. One, he wouldn't' understand. Two, 'doing something' to an old fashioned man would mean cooking something, and that's how this whole mess started to begin with.

While she thought back to her crappy cooking skills, she zoned out on Elrohir explaining to her something about warriors and killing and great strength. She wasn't sure if he was talking about himself or his brother, so she nodded in agreement, hoping to reassure him.

"I'm beginning to figure you out, Lady Sasha."

"Mmmhmm, tell yourself that." Now laying down felt good. Now she was getting lazy. She turned onto her stomach and wrapped her arms around what she assumed was supposed to be a pillow.

"You're not quite as tough and mean as you appear to be."

"Yeah, maybe. But don't tell anyone. I've got a rep to protect. You see, I can sit and talk, but I prefer to be a sarcastic ass." She closed her eyes.

"You are gifted with a brave front. Never, ever lose it"

"Goodnight now, love you too."


	8. 7

Elrohir watched the newly quiet female for about an hour before deciding he was bored. He obviously did not need as much rest as she did, and quickly found himself wondering where did she sleep for the past couple days? Did she even at all?

He couldn't blame her, however. He knew it was a routine for humans to sleep; he just wished Elladan were around for some amusement. Even if it was just banter. Though, he'd probably never admit it to him. He removed his boots and shifted back down, once against taking his official position as star-watcher.

He wondered about her home, this "DC". Where was it? What did it look like? What were the people like? He considered himself and his brother pretty well traveled, how come they have never heard of it? Was it even a real place and she was either the greatest ally they would ever have, or the biggest foe?

Who was she? Not just Oh, that's Sasha, but WHO was she? It was at this moment that he realized he hardly knew her at all. Sure, she was relatively young and as it was pointed out to him many a time, with age came recklessness. She did wander off in Bree, and as a female, dared to visit the Prancing Pony alone. She had a sharp tongue, stubborn streak, and he feared she would, one day, say the wrong thing to the wrong person and land in a great deal of trouble. He and Elladan knew trouble. They knew one of their own kind.

"How much of it is just an act?" he wondered out loud to the flames, "What is she like when she's not on the defensive?"

"She's much nicer, I'll tell you that much," Elladan butt in, taking a seat next to his brother. "Though again, I would pay my weight in coin to see her in a battle."

Elrohir cast a sideways glance at his brother, hardly believing him. "Nicer? You know this how?"

"We talked." If the term duh existed here, Elladan would have heavily emphasized it. Wasn't it obvious?

Elrohir was amazed. If they actually had a conversation like normal minded people, either he didn't annoy her, or she's warming up to him. Either way left him in shock. Maybe even impressed.

"Elladan, I was thinking-" 

"So that would explain the beads of sweat."

Elrohir rolled his eyes and ignored him. Who was older again? "Anyway. We know so little about her. What if we are taking an absolutely horrible person home who is completely set on harm and destroying peace?"

Elladan thumped his brother upside the head with one of his arrows. "She does not know who we are. She does not know where we're going. She doesn't even know where she is. Yes, there is a cold, brutal killer." Elrohir could have been completely correct in his assumptions, but he refused to see it. To him, killers were Orcs. Not young females who were worried about staying on a horse.

"You don't need to know any of that! You can still do damage! You never know."

"Who never knows?" A female voice followed. Or they thought it was female. It had the undertones of a bullfrog. "What's happening? What's going on?"

"Nothing is wrong," Elladan glared at his brother, who shrugged sheepishly. "Nothing more than a family disagreement. I am sorry you heard such."

He needn't bother to explain. His words were lost on her, since she was still half asleep. "Back so soon?" she mumbled pushing off the blankets. "Do I have to go now?"

"No," Elladan left the side of his brother and sat across from her. "Females," he started to explain, "do not serve on patrol."

"Now wait just a minute…" Her body was thrilled to hear it, her mind, not so much. "I can do it as well as the next guy." She decided not to ask what exactly to look for. That wouldn't make her look competent.

He put his hands on her shoulders to keep her down, "I would rather you didn't. Please."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," she mumbled, hoping the fact she was benched wouldn't make it to the others back home. "You can't stand the thought of something happening to me. I get it." It was a sweet sentiment, and probably more caring then she'd receive back home, but it bothered her. She was as good as they were! Well, so she thought.

"You remember."

"Yeah, I do," she admitted, desperately trying to not see this guy in a new light and keep picturing him as the annoying, pushy guy she originally thought he was. "Perfectly. Hey, Elrohir, can I go?" She quickly turned to the other male, who was startled over having found himself in the middle of who's the bigger dog.

This was utterly ridiculous. She was an adult. She knew what she was doing. She came and went as she pleased for crying out loud, and managed to make it home alive every single time. This wasn't work; she wasn't restrained by the rules. This was a dream, damn it!

"I have to agree with Elladan on this, I'm afraid. When we reach Imladris, you can wander around all you wish."

"Bah, of course you do," She huffed. "Who's side are you on?"

"Yours eternally, my Lady. After this event. From this point forward, I will side only with you."

"Psh, okay." She stuck her tongue out at him and stretched out.

"As long as you are awake, Lady Sasha?"

Elladan glanced at his brother. Surely there was no way he was going to ask about harmful abilities. He was smarter than that, wasn't he?

"Hm, what?"

"Will you give us the honor of telling us about yourself?"

"What do you want to know?" Her palms started sweating. Was this an interview or something? She hated that question.

The younger elf shrugged. "Information about yourself, your hopes, your kin, anything, really."

"That's my personal life, Elrohir"

"Which is none of your concern," Elladan backed her up, unwilling to be on the receiving end of her guilt trip. She caught on, and smiled at him, giving him a thumbs up.

"It's pretty boring, but okay. So you know my name's Sasha. Sasha Knauer. I'm a Cancer. I like dogs, sports, and guns. I went to college in Nevada, started graduate school at John Jay in New York, but then got my job in DC. You can commute, but it's a pain, so that's on hold for now. I studied abroad in Russia for six months, had the absolute time of my life away from my family, I'd love to go back. Uhh.." she paused, trying to think of more information to share. "Wait," she realized, "You two don't understand anything I'm saying… do you?"

They shook their heads. "Not a word. Well, very little."

"Incredible. We're speaking the same way, but you don't understand most of what I'm saying. How can I do this, wait a minute." She was determined to figure this out.

"I am sure we will learn more about you as events come to pass," Elladan tried his hand at comfort, giving her a fast hug. "Do not take this personally, as my brother is surely as thick as they come,"

Elrohir snorted and threw a pebble at his brother. "You did not understand her either."

"Ah, yes. But I was not the one who asked for it."

"As long as I've got you two here," Sasha grabbed Elrohir's hand and dragged him closer to where Elladan sat. "Maybe you two can clear something up for me."

"If we can."

"Before we begin, I'm telling you right now. Don't tell me nothing, or never mind, or women don't concern themselves, or any he-man puffed up talk, okay?" Sometimes, she felt she got better responses when she put down the law. Told them how it's going to be rather than the other way around.

The twins exchanged glances and nodded.

"Alright. Now I know you know something. So, let's go. Out with it. What do I have to do here? Who do I have to help? Why are you keeping this some big, massive secret?"

There. That was all she could do. Ask and put it out there. Put the ball in their court. Of course, she couldn't make them answer her, but she could at least let them know whatever the answer may be, whatever they told her, she'd take it seriously.


	9. 8

"Who needs help, my Lady?" Elladan feigned dumb without missing a beat. He knew damn well what she meant and what she wanted to know.

"Who needs help?!" She huffed after him, "Who needs help? My butt needs a three-hour massage after what it's been through. No, the two of you elbowing each other earlier, my whole great potential to be some serial killer, the tree thing, that stuff. I'm not an idiot, I know something's going on."

"Does anything get past you, my Lady?"

"No. Well, some things. Then when I find out about it, I'm not happy and probably not a nice person to be around. So, let's nip this in the bud. Talk."

Elladan turned towards his brother and shrugged. What's the worst that could happen? Together, if they needed to take her out, it would be done. If they kept both eyes on her at all time, it would be difficult to alert the enemy. No, their biggest issue lay with the fact of killing a female. Whether she knew it or not, she had that up her sleeve.

"What do you know about Sauron the Deceiver?" Elrohir started.

"Hey, wouldn't you know it, he's my right hand man! My biggest fan! You know, we were engaged once. Pity it didn't work out." She scowled, throwing up her hands. "Nothing. All of that means nothing to me. I told you I have no idea about anything happening here, and I meant it."

Elladan ignored her remarks and picked up where his brother left off. "Sauron crafted various Rings of Power, given to select, important individuals of each race. Three to the elves, us, Seven to the Dwarves, and Nine to mankind."

"Dwarves, you have dwarves here? Are they like munchkins?"

Elrohir elbowed her. "That's what you took from that? Pay attention."

"Okay, so why so many? If every war in the world is based of power or religion, why would so many powerful players have these things? Why not only a couple and not have so many people trying to take control?"

"Because men are weak and easily seduced by power, glory, and fortune. At least that is ada's claim."

"Okay, and who's that?"

"Our father. May I continue?"

She nodded, and kept her hands over her mouth to prevent any more outbursts. Like the one she was thinking. She wanted to defend her fellow man and say this guy didn't know what he was talking about, how could he have such a horrid opinion when he's on the box of cookies? On the other hand, he's totally right. All men care about is fame and glory.

"-3,000 years ago, there was an epic, destructive battle to save Middle-Earth, which is where you are right now."

"Thanks."

"Now," Elrohir was starting to get into his story. "Sauron also made one more ring. A Master ring, if you will. A ruling ring. This was meant to control all others, too weak and too blinded to know any better. Now, during this battle, Sauron's hand was sliced off, and this ring found it's way to another. And then another. And then another. Each one slowly fell under the seduction and power, and met a destructive end."

"Okay, let me get this straight. I'm having a hard time believing this, because I love jewelry and I have a hard time believing anyone making such is a bad guy. But hold on, this guy's an asshole? Makes rings, gives them away, but secretly keeps the main one for himself so everyone else has to do what he says?"

"Correct."

"So this Sauron's nothing more than some bastard dictator who's a bad guy?"

"Again, correct. But there is more."

"What else can there possibly be? Go on."

"For many thousands of years, the ring was hidden and dormant. The land knew peace and prosperity. Passing through just two owners, the ring did not cause a fuss. However, Sauron's life force is tied and dedicated to this ring, and the ring is in tact and easily found. He knows this. He's searching for it, and it's searching for him. He's coming to collect what's his."

"Which if I'm to understand this, would cause epic problems for everyone and cause death, destruction, and pain all around."

"Precisely."

"I see," Sasha sat up straighter, eyeing the two elves. "So what you need is someone with enough balls to beat the snot out of this guy or something?"

She was met with raised eyebrows.

"I uh, I mean you need someone willing to fight this person. Monster. Shithead."

"Well, not just someone. Many someone's. This will not be an easy, quick, or pleasant task."

"None of my work ever is," she sighed. "Alright. I'm in. Let's kick some ass and be done with it."

"My Lady, females do not participate in such dangerous battle. It is improper."

"Females don't do patrol, females don't go to battle, are females even allowed to be born? Let me tell you, as heartwarming as this I protect all girls thing goes, we're not invalids. Now I'm not from around here, so my knowledge on what's proper or improper is slim to none. Even if I knew it, I'd ignore it. Now, my lack of knowledge on your morals can't be traced back to me. I don't know any better." She winked, "Besides, no one messes with freedom and causes mass destruction on my watch. Call it the American in me."

Elladan pushed her into a sitting position by her shoulders, "You want to help? You feel you can be of use?"

"Yes I do! Put me in, Coach."

"Fine. You shall start by sitting right here and not getting into any trouble."

Elrohir's head turned towards his brother, and he mentioned something she couldn't understand. Now that the shoe was on the other foot, was there any chance they'd behave when they returned home?

Nahhh. Doubtful.

She was bored. If there's one thing Sasha hated, it was sitting around knowing action was out there, and she was away from it. It was one of the reasons that drove her to school in cities, where she put it, "everything was happening." Left alone, in peace, without any bother of technology, she dozed off. She would have killed for a cheeseburger, and she never knew it was difficult to sleep anywhere other than a bed. Maybe she was getting overwhelmed.

The twins, who had switched their patrol twice already, took their opportunity to snoop on their young charge. She didn't have a skin pack, or even a protective covering for her weapons. All she had was a small, red box in her back pocket. Always the snoop, Elladan's eyes had instantly brightened as he wondered what was in there. A bit more sensitive, Elrohir tried to remind his brother they were not in their father or Glorfy's quarters.

Blowing a raspberry at his stick in the mud brother, Elladan eyed the rectangular plastics he pulled from the little box. A strange shaped object with "Police" imprinted on it, and various pictures of people he did not know.

"What are these things?" He hissed to Elrohir, who had taken residence in front of Sasha, should she awaken and he needed to quickly distract her.

"I do not know, now put them back. Eru knows what she will do!"

"Do not be such a worry wart, she will not do anything. She loves us."

Elrohir groaned. "No, she loves me. You made the worst impression ever. Am I right?'

"Dolle naa lost" (Your head is empty.)

"Auta miqula orqu." (Go kiss and orc.)

"Um, eat shit and die?"

Both elves turned around and she waved at them slightly. "I don't know what you're talking about, but I know an insult when I hear one."

"And you thought to join?"

"Yeah, it would seem that way. But I don't really want you guys to eat shit and die," she thought for a moment. "That's kind of mean."

"Who's this?" Elladan pounced on her and shoved the picture so close ot her face she had to back up and grab it to focus. "Is it another human?"

Never in a million years did she think someone would ever ask her that.

"Where'd you get that? Gimme" She made grabby hands.

"In this," he beamed, holding his prize like a child who won an award for eating the most chocolate cake. Elrohir mentally groaned and tried to send brainwave apologies.

Sasha's hand flew to her back pocket, and sure enough, her pockets were empty. "Okay, that's my wallet. I need that. Give it back, please."

"What is a wallet?"

"Just.. Can I have it? And the picture, too."

Elrohir grabbed the wallet from his brother's side and tossed it gently to her. Elladan rolled his eyes and surrounded the picture. "Fine, but still want to know who it is." He pouted like a child.

She looked at the picture, "So you want the grand tour, huh?"

Against his will, Elrohir found himself nodding as well. Just because he hadn't taken part in reliving her of her items didn't mean he wasn't nosy as well.

"Well, these are my parents. Pretty self explanatory," she shuffled to the next picture. "This was doggy, Cowboy. He came to me with that name, and answered to it, so I didn't have the heart to change it on him. He was an Australian Shepard and smart as hell. He uh, he died a few years ago. I got another one, but I don't have a physical picture of her, just digital. This was Cowboy's best buddy, Knievel. Together, they'd get into all sorts of mischief." Although she knew perfectly well they wouldn't understand the references, she liked putting names with faces, even if they were animals.

"Are we good?" she asked the boys, "Are you lost yet?"

"Parents and animals, my lady. Go on."

"And this.. This one is Chase," she paused at the last picture Elladan had handed to her. "He was, uh, well he was my friend."

"Was? What happened?"

"Um, well, he passed away. He was a cop, we worked together, but couldn't date at that time. So he took that opportunity to move to San Diego, wanted me to follow, but I'm not a California beach girl. I had no desire to move. I figured if I had to make a life and live there, I deserved a say on where we went as well. So we did the distance thing for a while, until either of us stopped being stubborn. We had plans to get married but didn't make it that far. The end."

"So, he sailed for Valinor?" Elladan was trying to piece together the concept of dying. The undying lands were the best he could come up with.

"I'm not really sure what that is, but sure. Think of it like that. He's gone, and I'm not, if that's what you mean, then yes. Whatever you just said."

"So you are not promised?"

"Ugh, no. I'm not. Sometimes I wish I were, though. Seems to be the only way I'll ever get married."

"Then that explains why you are here alone."

Elrohir smacked his brother in the stomach. "Dina. Antolle Uuula sulrim." (Be quiet. Mcuh wind pours from your mouth).

"Hey, whatever you said, it's okay. This happened years ago. I'm fine, really."

"I would fade away and pass if my love were slain"

"I wanted to," she admitted quickly. "What? I think it's a normal thing after something like that" she defended herself, as she found both pairs of eyes watching her.

"Anyway, what next?


	10. 9

"We," Elladan reached down to help her up, but ended up more pulling her up entirely, "Are going to continue on. Elrohir and I would be approaching our home by now."

She made a face and looked at Elrohir for conformation. "Gee, thanks guys. You know that's really making this so much better."

"He speaks the truth," Elrohir told her gently, "We have not a great need for sleep, as you do."

"Hey," she stiffened, trying to look angry. "No matter what anybody, most likely parents tell you, there's no such thing as too much sleep."

"We shall keep that in mind," Elladan promised, giving her a leg up onto Elros' back.

"Oh, hi again horsy. I remember you," Sasha smiled and patted his neck. "Mister I don't like saddles. Though, if I were a horse, I wouldn't like these bulky heavy, sweaty things bouncing up and down on my back, either."

"None of them appreciate it," Elrohir smiled, "They have told us many times."

"You speak to horses, too?"

"You sound unconvinced."

"No," she laughed, "I should have known. Of course you speak to horses. Can you speak to dearly departed pets, too?"

He missed or ignored the sarcasm.

"Are we ready?" Elladan asked, being the last to mount his horse. "Do you have all your belongings?"

Sasha half expected him to ask if she needed to use the bathroom before they left.

"What belongs? You already saw them all, this is all I've got." It's true; all she had were the clothes on her back. She didn't even have a handbag.

"Do not worry," Elladan assured her, "You will be taken care of when we return home."

"I'm telling you right now, I'm taking a three hour bath, and don't yell at me if I use all the hot water. Because I probably will."

"You can take as long as you'd like, no one will give you grief."

"Awesome," she gave them a grin and a thumbs up and moved up on Elros. "Let's rock and roll. And give them a head's up to get the water nice and hot."

"I'm never riding a horse again," Sasha mumbled, slouching down. "I can't possibly begin to tell you how much my butt has molded a crater on this poor guy's back."

"You cannot possibly need a rest, my lady."

Ah, so much for gentleman chivalry. What if she did?

"No, I don't want one. I keep thinking about my nice hot bath and how good it'll feel to sleep in a bed, and not torture a poor horse. But I'm drawing the line when we get to where it is we're going. No more horses unless it's life or death."

"Imladris."

"Yeah, there."

"Edans." (Humans). Elladan whispered to his brother, who tried to hide his smile.

"If I knew anything about what it was you said, I'd probably punch you right in the nose." She muttered, sick of slouching. She sat up sat straight as she could, hoping the movement would unkink her back. Instead, the uncomfortable motion didn't agree with her, and she slouched back down reminded of her schooldays when she'd try to avoid her teachers.

"Are you bored?" Elladan smiled knowingly at her. He and Elrohir had made this journey thousands of times throughout the years. And without action, it was indeed quiet. Of course, this wasn't often. For her sake, he figured he could act sympathetic.

"No, I'm having the time of my life."

"You are, aren't you?"

"Well, what do you expect? Truly. You guys won't let me do anything even though I told you over and over I'm capable. More than capable, in fact. But yes, I am bored. Bored, lost, dirty, you name it."

"You're not lost; we found you."

"And you bugged the hell out of me while you were at it. But no, that's not what I meant. So, I know where I am. Or where you tell me I am. But I don't know how I feel about it, or really most of what you've told me."

The elf nodded.

"I know I feel dirty, hungry, tired, all that. All these are basic, typical, every day human feeling things. But I can't feel anything deep. I guess the deepest I feel is confused. Oh, hell. I don't even know what I'm talking about, I make no sense. Do yourself a favor and don't listen to me, will ya?"

"Well, you can tell us to not pay attention, but obviously you do not know us that well. Or else you would not even waste your breath."

"What he means," Elrohir tried to explain politely and diplomatically than his mindless brother, "Is you can tell us one thing, then we turn around and do exactly as we please"

She nodded, quite impressed. Perhaps they were kindred spirits after all. "Brilliant. If I were in my own element, we'd be great friends."

And she truly believed it, too. Because she, too, was known for doing the exact opposite of what she was told to do. As a teenager, it was jut plain rebellion. You know, things a teenager was expected to do. Following the rules was for nerds. At work, she came across many situations where she wanted to draw a line in the sand and say nope, not doing that. Instead, she took another approach; she learned to listen to her gut, as well.

"So, what else can I expect of you two?" She leaned forward to stretch on Elros. "I mean I know you, but I don't know you. Enlighten me."

Besides the fact they talked to trees, animals, dressed like role-players, British origins somehow, don't know how to leave her alone, and have incredibly well trained horses. They were practically best friends.

"We're twins," Elladan started.

"Yes, I got that part. What else?"

"What would you like to know"?

Déjà vu. She could swear they had this exact conversation earlier, only this time, spotlights on them. She wondered if they had sweaty palms.

"I don't know," she shrugged. She didn't know if anything was triggering or off limits. "Um, what re your parents like?"

"Stern!"

"Harsh!"

She looked back and forth between them, who had slowed their horse's pace down to match hers. "This is your dad?"

"How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess. Most fathers are. So is mine actually. My mom's a pushover though, I figure it has something to do with the whole, oh I gave birth to you thing, and I can't stand to see you upset. "

"What's a push..over?"

"It means, I could get away with just about anything I wanted. Of course, nothing dangerous or illegal or something that would embarrass the family. I remember I would do things, and I'd be expecting her, as my mother, to completely freak out and never want to talk to me again. Instead, yeah she'd yell and get mad maybe, but five minutes later she'd get over it and want to be my friend again."

"Our mother is not quite a push..over. She is strict, but not quite as strict as ada. In fact, she blames our wild streaks on his side."

"I guess it's all the same isn't it? No matter what century you're in. Isn't it amazing to think at one time, before we came along, our parents had lives? I mean they were cool; they were fun, maybe even dangerous. I remember once I was snooping through an album, and I found my dad piloting a helicopter," she babbled excitedly, grateful to have some common ground. "Then, I was in eight grade and I took a Wright Flight class with one of my friends. Well, at the end, you got to pilot an airplane, with an actual pilot of course. He said no fricking way, no matter how many times I begged."

"Parents just don't understand," Elladan laughed, though he hadn't a clue about anything she just said.

Meanwhile, Sasha was fighting desperately to not rap Will Smith.

"Advisors don't either," Elrohir chimed in, thinking about how many times Erestor had gotten wind of their plans, and promptly alerted Elrond to the disaster the twins were no doubt brewing.

"Do you have any siblings, or just you two?"

"One sister, Arwen, and a foster brother, Estel. You will get to meet them soon."

"Sounds like a full house, can't wait. Hold on," she realized suddenly. "I know we joked about sticking the ribbon around me and I sit there and charm the pants off your parents, but do they know I'm coming? Like they won't just throw me out on the street or something, will they?"

"Nonsense." Elrohir assured her, "Ada would never. Especially a lady."

"Okay, feeling a little better.. What about your mom? On TV, no mom likes it when a younger girl comes around."

"My mother no longer keeps place at home."

Well.. Open mouth. Insert foot. Idiot.

"Crap. Are they divorced?"

"Um, no?"

"Separated?"

"You could say that."

"Ugh, that's the worst, I'm sorry. Truth of the matter was, my parents were close to it many times. As a kid, I used to hope they'd just do it already and just get it over with.. I don't think they stopped loving each other, but you know when people just start to seem to bring out the worst in you?"

"It's not that. Our mother has sailed for the Hall of Mandos, in the realm of the Valar."

For their sake, she hoped that wasn't their version of a Heaven or Pearly Gate. Everyone only has one mom, and while she didn't always get along with hers, she wouldn't wish anyone's mom dead, not even her worst enemy.

She stayed silent for a moment, and thought about what to say next. She wanted to question it more and ask them what the heck they were talking about. She didn't know of a Valar. She wasn't entirely sure how to follow along jus on context alone. Finally, rather than assuming, and potentially assuming wrong, she flat out asked them.

What Elladan ended up telling her, she couldn't believe. As the oldest, he took it upon himself to tell her the horrible story. Years ago, their mom was taking a trip to visit her own mother, over a mountain pass. On the way, she was caught, tortured, and beaten by Orcs. Though she survived, she became so withdrawn and emotionally scarred, even after Elladan and Elrohir came to her rescue. After, she could no longer find joy or hope or reason to even smile in life, she found it necessary to leave.

Orcs. This wasn't a foreign word to her. She had heard them mention these things before, but she still had no idea what they were. Now, it was obvious to her they must be slain. This explained a lot, actually. Maybe women didn't take responsibility in general, or maybe they just wouldn't let her because of their own fears. She didn't know. She didn't care. What she focused on, was they came to their mom's rescue. So these guys were badass. They did what they could, they did above and beyond, they would have died for their mom.

"Wow, um, guys… I'm sorry. I had no idea. That's awful, that's terrible." She didn't want to come across one of these things, but she told herself if she did, she'd rip it to shreds. Claw its eyes out. Gut it squealing.

"It was a great many years ago, we have honored her memory the best way we possibly can."

She'd hug them if she could. Which surprised her, seeing as a few days ago she would have swatted them away with a fly swatter. "Sometimes, that's all you can really do."


	11. 10

After Elladan's depressing recollection of the family history, the chatter had come to an end. No one knew what to say, especially Sasha. She always wondered how doctors or first responders did it; went up to someone and said I'm sorry, so and so is dead. How do they not cry? She'd cry the instant someone else started.

In school, one of her classes took her to the medical examiners office. Fascinated, they were told to more or less think of the guy on the gurney as a piece of meat. While it sounds horrible, if you take the human aspect in everyone you come across, you'll burn out in an instant and lose whatever faith you had in humanity. You have to harden your heart, and do what you need to. Save any tears for your pillow.

She hadn't realized how deep in thought she was until Elrohir nudged her. "What, I'm here."

"You're strangely quiet. Are you planning something?"

She sighed, and rubbed her hands over her face, pushing her hair back. "I'm fine," she tried reassuring him, hoping her smile looked authentic enough. "Just thinking."

"What about, my Lady?"

She couldn't tell them about being stuck here, again. There's no way they'd but that; it's been done to death. She watched him for a minute, but didn't argue the issue. "Um, no. It's not the right time. I'll ask someone else."

"There are only the two of us here," Elladan pointed out to her, "I do not think you have much of a choice."

"Yes I do, when we get to wherever, I'll find someone and ask. Simple." She wasn't about to try and pronounce Imladris.

"But until then, you are at our mercy and we will do whatever we need to in order to find out what's on your mind." Elrohir smiled at her.

"Ugh. Okay. Fine. But just so you know, you don't play fair."

"Of course not," Elladan found this hysterical. "Why do you think we always win? We have been doing this for a large number of years."

That was a question she was happier not knowing. She didn't want to know if they were a million years old. So, in true Sasha fashion, she got right down to it.

"What's an orc?"

"The foulest, loathsome, most disgusting, worthless creatures you can ever imagine."

She wanted to say she can imagine quite a lot, but thought better of it. Now wasn't the right time. "Well, what do they do?"

"Were you not listening? They take great pride and pleasure out of torturing the innocent. Male, female, does not matter. Do not make the mistake of thinking you're safe because you are a woman."

"Who in their right mind would want to join with these people?" These could be the cousins of the Nazis.

"Not people," Elladan corrected her. "By Valar, not people."

"They were elves once," Elrohir explained, as Elladan glared at him. This was Probably not the best thing to tell someone, alone, with elves.

"No, it's fine." Sasha tried to ease a possible fight, and stand up the best she could. Not easy without a saddle, and on a moving horse. "Hey, think we can take a break or something? My butt is killing me."

"Are you in need of a rest?"

"Yep," Determined to not let this golden opportunity slip by, she jumped off the horse and patted his side. " I just want to walk for a bit."

She nodded to the brothers, who had followed her lead and dismounted from their respective horses and set them free.

"Um, are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Peace. They will come back. Yours too. Go ahead, release him."

She cocked an eyebrow and nodded. This she had to see. She stood in front of Elros; pointed in the direction of the others, "Go on, horsie, Git."

Nothing.

"Giddy Up?"

He stayed put.

"Alright, what am I doing wrong?"

"Nothing," Elladan laughed, enjoying the show and trying to keep the tears from rolling down his cheeks. "Not a thing"

"You know if I could, I'd poke you with a stick."

"Say Drego," Elrohir whispered to her, trying to desperately contain his own laughter. Even though he wouldn't mind seeing his brother get poked by such a stick.

"Um, Drego?"

"No, it's not a question. You're telling him, not asking."

"Drego."

On his release, Elros flew from the party and dashed quickly into the fields, his mane flapping in the wind. "Wow," Sasha was impressed. "I guess he didn't need a break anyway. What did I even say?"

"You told him to flee."

"Oh, how kind. What a nice horse master, er, mistress I am."

Elrohir smiled, "He will not take it in that way. He is quite happy grazing."

"Yeah, I guess I would be too. See you soon, horsie. Enjoy yourself." She called over her shoulder, attempting to finally take her walk. But, as it appeared, she was not to be alone. Elladan trotted over and took up place at her side.

"Can I help you?" Was he always this much taller than she was?

"I am your escort."

"Oh God, not this again. Okay, look. I'm fine. See?" she even twirled around like a child. "I'm fine and dandy."

Elladan grabbed her hand and led her away from his brother, who was keeping a watchful eye on their territory. "If you want to learn about Orcs," he whispered, "you have to let me come."

"Is that the trade off? I have to let you come? Can't I just read a book?"

Half of her wanted to say she's not his mom; that it would never ever ever happen to her. The other half, well, if she didn't even know what these things looked like; she'd be nothing more than a sitting duck. Is that all they did? Just sat around and waited for people to show up alone, and then attack? Does she have to be worried in every single area of this land, or did Elladan just plain and simply want her company?

"Fine, okay. Fine. Elrohir, we're going for a walk. We'll be back."

He nodded, "Do not go too far."

"You're lucky I trust you, Elf boy."

While Elladan enjoyed fun, pranks, and games, he was now all business. He ignored her futile attempts to get in the last word, and as he led her away from Elrohir, he mentally sized her up as a worthy student. Of course, he had already known she would be, but it never hurt to pause and make sure. This wasn't a game. She would have to be serious.

"So you want to learn, correct?"

Sasha was surprised at his tone, but stood up straight, matching his posture but defiantly lacking the height. "Yes, I do."

"Do you know what I thought of you the first day seeing you in town? Putting on your façade?" He asked, offering his arm to her. She took it, confused. Was he going to lecture her, insult her, or actually be nice to her?

"Uh, you thought… Wow, what a loser."

He arched an eyebrow, "A.. what?"

Crap. "Uh, idiot. Simpleton. Even a right bitch? Anything? Hell, I'll even take Warrior Princess."

"Warrior Princess to some extent," he grinned at her, "You're brave. You're passionate. Two of your biggest assets, and really all you need in the world. Although I do not wish to see it, and I definitely do not wish to be on your receiving end, I feel you would do very well defending yourself. Your problem, however, is reigning in the recklessness."

Thank you, Mr. Miagi. Or rather she wanted to say you bet your sweet bippy. She would be good, and she'd make everyone proud.

"Uh, wow, Elladan. I think that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me. There's a compliment in there, somewhere."

"Now you suddenly care what I think?"

"No!" she scoffed. "A little. Okay, maybe."

He mentally celebrated his victory, while she said she hated his guts.

"Elladan! Now!"

Elladan's head jerked towards the direction of his brother before focusing again on Sasha. "Stay here." He told her, circling back to Elrohir. "No matter what. Let us come to you."

"What? Screw you, buddy. I'm going with you."

He didn't have time to argue. "No, you're not." He placed his hands on her shoulders and held her in place. "Just until I see what's going on."

She rolled her eyes and grumbled something about not appreciating being treated like a little kid or some weak, feeble, worthless female.

"That's my girl," he patted her arm and rushed off to his brother, leaving Sasha where she stood, as she attempted to eavesdrop.

"This better be important, Elrohir…"

"Lasto. Tiro." Elrohir commanded his brother, pointing against the horizon (Listen. Look).

Groaning, Sasha cursed him for speaking in his fantasy gibberish. She couldn't follow, and he probably planned it this way.

Elladan followed his brother's finger and cursed the horrid beasts running in their general direction. They couldn't outrun them, nor would they want to, but they could hide Sasha and do some damage.

"Hiril Sasha, Tolo Hi" (Lady Sasha, come here).

The warrior princess had given up trying to eavesdrop, but perked up again when she heard her name. "I don't know what in the name of Sam Hill is going on over here, but I think one of you better clue me in." She started a lecture, walking over to them. Forgetting Elladan's orders of let them collect her.

"Can you climb, my lady?""

"I can climb a wall, sure."

"No, not a wall. More like a tree. Now." Elrohir commanded her.

My God, these guys were getting a little TOO good at bossing her about. Were they secret army men or something? Did they have uniforms?

She turned towards Elladan, mentally asking if she really had to do something so silly as climb up a tree, and demanding an explanation.

"You wanted orc experience," His arm draped over her shoulder as he guided her to her tree, "you got it. Get up there."

"Is this a joke?" She asked them, watching Elrohir grasp the sword from his pack, ready for Elladan to accept his.

"Only you are not going to experience this, you are going to stay safe in a tree," Elrohir shoved the sword in Elladan's face, pushing Sasha aside.

"No, screw this," she stepped forward again. "You can't handle this by yourselves." Truthfully, she had no idea. She didn't know what she was in for, or what to expect. But she did remember something about they travelled in groups. Two v. God knows how many? The odds weren't good.

"We've had worse odds," Elrohir explained quickly. "Now go. You will not be harmed with us, I promise you."

"I don't care about myself, I've been hurt plenty of many of times. I'm not worried about getting hurt. I'm worried about…. Well, I'm just worried. I can't let you guys do this alone, I'm not a cripple. Let me help."

"Next time," Elladan promised, giving her a leg up on the tree. "Next time, after we're done with you, you can have the whole pack."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah" she threw leaves down at them. "You say that now."

She picked the lowest branch she could, hoping she could follow what's going on. She couldn't see that well, just a form of a black and gray mass. It looked like a storm cloud on land. She sat there watching, and realized as individuals, they were probably nothing more than lumps of space. What made them dangerous, were various weapons she'd seen in pictures of medieval battles.

She looked at the twins below and while they might have won this time, she'd jump in. And that would be a judgment call she made.


	12. 11

It was perfectly clear that Sasha had absolutely no choice but to sit tight and stay away. She started to tear apart a leaf and banged the tree with her fist.

Damn elves, damn place, damn Orcs, and above all, damn dream.

Alright, truth be told, She wasn't a superstar, Olympic standard fighter, she knew that. She'd be the first to admit it. But, she also made it this far in life standing perfectly straight and never had a fight in school.

Wait, she wasn't proving her point.

True, she'd never held a bow in her life, and a sword? Well, she was from the modern world. No one used swords anymore. People from her time preferred their weapons to be smaller and easier to conceal.

Really though, how hard can it be? Wouldn't you just thrash around until you were the only one left standing? It wasn't fencing as a sport; there weren't any rules, save for one. Make it home alive.

She knew there were rules for war, though, But she wasn't entirely sure why. If you're fighting someone you deem "bad" or "evil", who gives a damn about following rules? It's fight and defeat the "evil", or stays sheltered and die. Everyone knows this.

"How are you up there?" Elladan called to her, not breaking concentration from what was ahead of him.

"Plotting my revenge."

Even though the scene ahead of him was ugly, Elladan managed to smile. Leave it to her to keep things normal.

"I'm sure you are."

"I won't forget this, you know."

"I am sure of that too, now be silent."

"Pffftt, you're the one who talked to me first you- Oh, hell, my Aunt Mary…"

The horrific, wicked beasts had come into view where she could see them clearly. These were elves? Impossible. Were these dead elves? She realized she meant to ask how these things could ever be elves, but completely forgot to bring it up.

How can one go from looking like Elrohir and Elladan, to these things?

In some ways, they looked like her mother's pugs, only she was sure the dogs were way more loving. Others looked like rotting zombies, she was now sure the writers of the Walking Dead studied these things, and then took action writing their show. Maybe they were roaches on steroids?

She moved closer to the edge of the branch to get a closer look, and keep a better view of the twins. To her surprise, these things didn't come storming in like she expected.

"Where's the girl?" One of them, a leader maybe, or someone with authority snarled.

Sasha can only assume he meant her, and while this was freak-out worthy, she was more ready to throw a rock at his head and announce her presence.

"That is none of your concern. What is your purpose here?"

Nice, guys. Stern and firm. But they probably won't care. In fact, she wasn't sure who spoke. So far, she hadn't been able to take her eyes off these things.

"I told you already, maggot. I'm here for the girl you're hiding. Now where is she?"

"What," Elrohir raised his sword, ready to go, "do you want with her?"

"We heard of the new arrival, and knew it would only be a matter of time before you two sought her out. She'd make a perfect bride among us, her attitude just needs a little…adjusting." One of them grinned, showing black, rotten shark teeth.

Up in her tree, Sasha whined slightly and started reaching around for a weapon. A rock, a thorn, anything. Dream or not, there was absolutely no way she would have anything to do with them. No sir, no way, hell to the no.

"You will not find her here. Be gone, and never return."

The band of ugliness laughed and the apparent bachelor of the group sauntered up to the twins, "Oh yeah? Going to save this one?"

Elrohir calmly, and in one swift motion lifted his sword and decapitated the filth. "I will."

Sasha watched in amazement. That was so cool! That was so…not sweet, well, it was, but nothing about this was sweet. She didn't know whether to be amazed, or disgusted these things were still here. Did they have a death wish?

She didn't have time to figure it out. As soon as their apparent leader's lifeless body hit the ground, the Orcs were in full swing battle. She watched in horror and amazement as swords clanked and arrows pierced flesh. Thus stuff only happened in the movies, not right in front of her. She tried her hardest to watch either Elladan or Elrohir, but they were either too fast, too slick, or the just got lost in the shuffle of darkness. She knew they'd kill her themselves if she got down, so she tore branches off the tree and threw it down at the monsters, hoping it would distract them and give the twins enough time to finish them off. With the entire ruckus going on, she doubted they'd yell at her for that.

Her doubtful mind was sure it wasn't doing anything, anyway, but at least she wasn't sitting up there like a pampered princess and twiddling her thumbs. When she saw one of the twins take a hit, she wasn't sure whom at the moment, a gash on the upper arm, she decided enough was enough. With the extra creepy leader dead, she felt safe enough to get involved. Who knows? Maybe the others were only following along like ducklings…

She quietly shimmied down the trunk, pausing only to hiss at a scrape she managed to give herself. She picked up a tossed aside sword, probably one of theirs as she noticed brown goop. That wasn't important now. She didn't care what it was or whom it previously belonged to. Her friends were in trouble and she had to take action.

She took a deep breath, turned around slowly and hopefully confident enough; giving every single one of these bastards the biggest death glare she could possibly manage. She lugged up her sword, obviously meant for someone much stronger than she was, and started thrashing it around like a baseball bat making extra sure she pointed it out, and thrusted it forward every now and then. She didn't care about being merciful. She didn't care where she made contact. Just as long as they fell.

To her relief, the pack was getting smaller, but it still wasn't over. This was harder than it looked, was nothing like boxing classes, and absolutely nothing like tae-bo. Coupled with the fact this sword was not meant for her, meant she was getting tired. While she started with keeping her eye on the twins, the more tired she got, the more she had to concentrate on what she herself was doing and eventually had to stop paying attention.

She didn't know if it was pure luck, or divine intervention that she saw one of the twins stumble. She couldn't tell who it was, but the orc looked like he just discovered the Loch ness monster. Or was offered his first ride on a fire truck. You know, pure excitement. She balked, noticed her friend was hurt, and just snapped. She had finally had enough.

"Get the hell away from him you worthless pile of vile stinking carcass" she yipped, trying to cut his body in half. "You won't get him, you won't get him, die you piece of shit, you won't get him..," she kept repeating over and over poking him like a marshmallow.

"Sasha!"

No response. She kept mutilating her current victim.

"Sasha! Now!"

"Hmm?" she stopped and picked the sword up like a baseball bat, and looked around. Anyone could know her name.

Elrohir was holding an orc down with his foot. He pointed. "Go ahead, once more!" 

She understood immediately and launched a battle cry that would put Xena to shame, and slammed her weapon into the beat's chest. What happened next, confused her greatly. Almost instantly, the spell was broken, the adrenaline down, and she shimmied down holding the handle. Unaware or uncaring she was next to a dead monster.

"Sasha," Elladan dragged himself over doing the best he could to ignore the pain, and draped his arm over her shoulder. "How did I know?"

She looked over at Elrohir who had come to sit next to his brother, looked back to Elladan, and then looked at his arm. "I don't know what you're talking about." It was stupid to ask if he was okay. Obviously, he was not. "Um, is there anything I can do?"

"Glad to see you're worried," he messed up her hair, more so than it already was. "I knew you were coming."

She took his hand and put it down by his side. "Oh yeah? And how's that?"

"Elvish hearing. You were not very quiet coming down from that tree. You could have woken the dead."

Elrohir looked at her, and she almost felt herself shrink under his watch. "I'm sorry," she babbled, trying to apologize. "It really didn't look good. You were outnumbered, you were hurt, and they wanted me for a bunch of nonsense so I had to do something."

"So you decided to jump right in. Was that the best idea you could come up with?"

She nodded. "Yeah. Why are you mad at me, I'm the only other one who was here to help. What was I supposed to do? Let you guys become worm chow? Did any one of you ever stop to think what would happen to me if that is how it played out? For God's sake, all I've heard here is how you want to protect me. And that's fine. But you kind of have to be here to do so!"

"Brave," Elrohir commented, ignoring her outburst, and trying to help his brother up. "But stupid. You could have been killed."

"Well you know something," She took Elladan's other arm and the two held onto him like a game of tug o' war. "You could have too." She knew damn well she could have been killed, or worse. But they needed help. Were all males this macho? Did it start here and work its way to the present date? "Look, I'm sorry if I destroyed or hurt your ego, but I'm not sorry for helping you. The way I see it, there was no other choice, Sitting there and watching that would just have been completely unacceptable. I'm uh, I'm going to go find the horses now." She covered her act, desperate to get out of there.

"They will not be far. About a half a mile or so, to the West."

That meant absolutely nothing to her. This is why she was always so thrilled about having a partner at work. If you spoke in directions to her, you had to use left, right, backward, or forward. Heaven forbid any of her landmarks ever changed.

"Which was is that?" She huffed, hoping she could use the excuse that she was just done, and could no longer think logically.

Elladan pointed her in a direction, and she gave him a half smile and set off. She hoped there wasn't a second set of monsters waiting to take over where the first group failed, but she knew she could take care of herself. At least long enough before the twins noticed.

She found the horses easily, munching happily. "Glad you guys missed all the drama," she told them, hugging Elros' head.

Stunned wasn't a word she used very often, nor was it a word she used to describe herself. Did that whole thing really happen? Did she really partake in that? Did she even see it? For crying out loud, what had she really done? Helped them? It's not like she robbed them blind, disappeared, and left them naked in town. Really, there was no reason to make such a fuss.

Reckless as though it may have been, it's who she was. Maybe she should have known better than to think they'd know that. There were just some things she'd never learn; no matter how many warnings God gave her. Though it landed her more in rough waters than calm lakes, she was alive and well.

In fact, she felt mighty proud of herself for escaping that escapade with no serious wounds. The evil voice in her head told her not to feel too proud, she barely faced anything, but she was on a battle high. Screw evil voices, couldn't anyone just be proud and thrilled she was even alive?

She didn't want to return with the horses. She didn't want to return for another tongue lashing about how much of a mistake she made and how dumb she was for getting involved. However, Elladan looked like he'd fall over at any point, and she didn't want that on her conscience. So, she sucked it up and tried to stick to her job.

"Okay, horsies. Let's go. Come on now."

She was losing it. They couldn't understand her. It sounded almost as silly as talking to a cactus.

Cursing silently for not paying better attention when Elladan was rambling about the horses, she sat down and closed her eyes, trying to think back and gather her thoughts.

She tried calling over Elros, the nice horsie who had put up with her the past few days. How many times should she ask? How long should she focus on this?

She eventually gave up, and flopped on her back into the grass. Hopefully Elladan was conscious and holding his own. This could take awhile.

"As I suspected… you are not well."

She scrambled up at the sound of the voice and leaned on her arms, ready with a comeback, but the voice did not match the face of anyone she knew.

"I'm fine," she responded curtly, wondering now what this one's angle was. Why is it everything here has elements of déjà vu? Oh yeah, dreams don't change. This guy was handsome, too. He looked like another role-player, only blonde. Beautiful blonde hair, hair that made her a little jealous.

"Then why are you laying in the middle of a field, especially after a battle with the orcs?"

"I was… well, never mind what I was doing. That doesn't concern you." How did he know what just happened? Did he send them? What did he want with her? Even if he was wicked, by the stars, he was nice to look at. She stood up slowly and glared at him. "Who are you?"

"You may call me Glorfindel, of Imladris."

Imladris. That word again. Glorfindel sounded like a formal version of Glorfy, which she knew was a word the twins used. Something about this guy's stories. Ok, interesting, what else has he got?

"O-okay, and that means what to me? I'm not in Imladris." She tried to hide the fact her brain just could not pronounce it for the life of her.

He smirked. "Elladan said you'd be difficult. It means once you arrive, we will be seeing more of each other."

In true Sasha form, she told him she'd rather kiss a dead moose's butt before racing off back to the twins. Who did this guy think he was? This guy could have been the poster child for Gaston.

"As you wish, Lady Sasha."

Of course she cared he called her that. She cared he scared her before, though in all honestly, probably not willingly. And more than anything, she cared she was alone with him. Elladan probably couldn't protect her much now, and Elrohir probably wasn't her biggest fan, especially after she'd gone rogue with the street fight. "Yes, okay. And here's another one of my wishes. Please leave me be until I can figure out what you're about. I don't know you; you don't know me, so just back off. I'd appreciate it."

She turned on her heels, feeling she'd handled it sternly but didn't give the vibe she was a complete asshole, and slammed into Elrohir. "Ugh, no, no one else. I don't want to have this dream anymore, I want to go home."

Elrohir ignored her. "Having trouble, Glorfy?"

The balrog slayer smirked, "No," he replied knowing it would push her buttons. "She's harmless."

True to his guess, she bristled and shot him a glare.

"I need to speak with you," Elrohir finally acknowledged her presence, "Now, please."

"Why? Did you not say all you wanted to before? No thank you, I will pass."

"Shall we send her to Haldir?" Glorfindel asked, amused by this girl. "He'd whip her into shape instantly."

"How dare you. Why don't you mind your own damn business and butt out. This really has nothing to do with you. Second, leave me alone. Both of you. Here, I'll help." She inched past the both of them and walked off.


	13. 12

15 minutes later, a grumpy and tired Sasha arrived back at their designated spot. She really didn't want to be found, but she had nowhere else to go. That dumb brute had mentioned Elladan by name, so she doubted he was dead in a ditch somewhere never to be heard from again. If that was the case, Elrohir was a pro at hiding his emotions.

She found him sitting down, leaning against a tree, and even though she found him annoying at times, she was grateful that he seemed like he'd pull thorough. "I never thought I'd say this," she started, sitting down by him in the dirt and really resisting the urge to give him a hug, "But I'm glad to see you."

"Yes, I'm fine, how are you?" He smiled at her, just wanting to give her a hard time, completely unaware that Glorfy had done just that.

"Got it, I'm sorry. Okay, how are you?" Pain in the ass, he could be in a coma and find a way to be a smart aleck.

"Much better than before. Elrohir is an excellent healer."

Something about that made her think of drugs. She knew back in the day, things like cocaine were as easily accessed as Advil. Was he high? Too bad the only thing Elrohir had talent for was to put her in a piss- poor mood.

"Wow, that fast? I'm happy for you. Really." That was impressive. She couldn't even handle a headache without dramatics.

Elladan shrugged, making sure to make direct eye contact with her. "It is not myself I am concerned about."

"Hmm, what's going on? What don't I know about?" she looked down, breaking the connection. She didn't like when people stared at her like that. She didn't like when people tried to figure her out or get inside of her mind.

He wasn't going to let go. He was going to discuss this, or die trying.

"Oh that," she relented, waving her hand, "They were just being stupid. They can just shove their comments. How'd you hear about that, anyway? She wanted to get him talking so she didn't have to. The less you say, the better things are.

"The wonder of Elvish hearing. Let this be a lesson to you. Never say anything you do not wish for others to hear."

"Now that sounds like a cheap fortune cookie."

"A what?" He was by now used to strange words coming from her mouth, but it was still a hard thing to let pass and follow in context.

"Never mind. Anyway, thanks for the advice, that's very nice of you, but don't you think it comes just a little late?"

He laughed, back to his old self again. "Yes, maybe a little. Now come here," he patted a spot closer. "I would like to talk to you."

She moved closer. "If this is a trick because I more or less told the other guys to bite me." Hopefully this wouldn't take long. She looked up at him, and waited.

"So, why did you become involved back there?" He asked gently. He figured days ago it would be easier to get information from her by asking, not telling.

"It looked bad. There were a lot of them. You got hurt, and I'm not helpless. If I just would have sat there, I would have been seen as week." Sasha babbled out her list, positive she had already mentioned this 20 times. However, she didn't mention a thing about being worried for him.

"I see. Well, my Lady. Although I will not be as harsh as Elrohir, it was very brave, but you do know it was not the smartest thing you could have done. Especially because we made a point to tell you otherwise."

Two for two. "Alright, I think I should go for a bit," She started to stand, "maybe let everyone cool down and then we'll join up again later and everything will have blown over."

"No, you cannot leave me."

"Why not?"

"I am injured."

"You look pretty fine to me. And what happened to you're doing better?"

"You misunderstood me. I said better. Not healed. Come, let's talk. Stay here."

"You're going to milk this for all it's worth, aren't you?" She saw the writing on the wall a mile away.

"Absolutely not," Elladan tried to be serious, but there was laughter in his eyes. "My honor would allow no such thing."

She nodded and sat back down next to him. "Okay, you've got me here. Which considering our past experiences, well, I don't know whether to laugh or cry. So, what's on your mind?"

"Um," he shifted around, not used to the point blank direction from females. "Well, Lle Ume Quel."

"Uh huh.. Elladan, if we're going to have these little talks, you have to use words I understand."

"It means you did well."

Why couldn't he have just said that from the start? She hadn't expected this, and it wasn't until this moment that she realized she wanted their approval. She cared if they were disappointed in her, and she cared if they were proud of her. She'd never admit this, but damn, it explained so much.

"But," he continued, "Lle wethrine amin."

Well, she recognized "Lle".

"Yep, here comes the big but… What's that mean? What did I do?"

"Big but?"

"Yep. Here, it's like this. I love you, but it's not the right time. You're good at this, but. So and so is better. I miss you, but not enough to call. It's the real downer after a high compliment."

"I said you deceived me," Elladan ripped the band-aid off quickly. "I believed you to be safely hidden away. I think I understand why you chose the moment you did to reveal yourself, but please understand, we are to protect you. Not the other way around."

"I think we're going to have to agree to disagree on that. I know you're these golden warriors with wicked skills. I've figured out that much. But I've also figured out that neither of us are going to back down anytime soon. We're products of our time and environment and quite honestly, women back home, we don't have men to protect us or fight our battles or show up when we need help. If they're lucky, they do. But for the majority of us, myself included, we're on our own. "

Elladan looked at her confused. It was a foreign concept for him to understand. Why wouldn't a male take up a battle to protect the lady? Why would he refuse to stop at nothing until she was safe or happy?

"How about this. How about we compromise. You look after me; I'll look after you. Deal?"

"I fear I have no option. You're going to do it anyway."

"No, not really. But I'll move the sun, moon, and stars for you to be alright. You'll see."

"Lle aratoamin."

"Remember what I said? Normal words."

"He called you his champion," came an explanation from behind. "Perhaps now that you are here, you should make an effort to learn Sindiran, should you not"?

This time, she was able to put a face to the voice. "Oh, no.. Not you again.." She didn't want to turn around and face him, but she did, however, want to take one more look at that beautiful blonde hair. He was tall, handsome, and had hair that everyone she knew would kill for. Why in the world was he such a grump?

"You know something," she focused on the two elves who had just arrived, "before you got here, things were fine. Things were okay. We were okay. But now you guys just bring out the worst in everybody."

She stood up next to Glorfindel, although she couldn't compete with his height, either. Elladan bit the inside of his lip to keep from laughing. No one back home would ever believe this. Elrohir sat and focused on his brother.

"And everyone is you?" Glorfy looked down to the human girl, "Are you always like this, or do I bring it out in you?"

"I don't like you. That's why."

Glorfindel put his hand on her shoulder, but she shrugged it off. How dare he come and interrupt Elladan. She may have finally had a friend and he got in the way.

"Hey, Glorfy! Tell her about the balrog. She'll like that."

She glared at Elladan for his lame advice, but he was correct on one thing. What in the world was a balrog? She didn't want to ask Fabio, though. He'd probably flex his muscles and gloat.

She sat in uncomfortable silence for what felt like eternity before she gave in, and asked what a balrog was. Dangerous, as this is how she learned about orcs, and well, look how that turned out.

"Much worse than 10,000 Orcs," Elladan beamed, the man in him thrilled for the action story. "And you are definitely not getting involved with them." He tried to sit up, only to have Elrohir push him back down.

"Tira ten' washwe."

She rolled her eyes, he obviously knew she'd have no idea what he's saying. Some people are just so rude. Still, a story is a story. "Will you tell me?"

Glorfy pulled out his sword, turning it over in his hands and studying the blade carefully. "Should I?"

She shrugged. Immediately figuring him out. Glorfy! She remembered the name from Bree. He did know Elladan! "I don't know," she said slowly, sitting down and crossing her legs, "I just thought you'd want a chance to tell the story to a new pair of ears who will hang on every word you say."

She was appealing to his ego, and he knew it. "Clever, young one. Well played. Alright, yes. I shall tell you. Esta sinome." He patted her original spot next to Elladan.

"Oh, for crying out loud.. English."

"You mean Westron."

"No, I'm pretty sure I mean English. Anyway, what did you even say?"

"I said rest here. You're in for a real treat. This is a story like you will never hear again."

"Alright, alright," she quickly moved over to her previous spot, now between the twins and used Elladan's unhurt leg for a pillow. This guy, while vain, had her attention.

Eager as young schoolboys, the twins were both beaming with a sense of adventure. "Kwentra lye I'narm."

"And this coming from those who have heard this story more times than they can count. Since when are you so eager?"

"Can we cut the chatter and listen?" Sasha broke in, cocooning herself in a blanket, "I want to hear this story."

Glorfindel smirked at her impatience and took a seat in front of his audience. Elrohir sat next to his brother, keeping his hand on his shoulder. He was taking every bit of available time for healing energies. Sasha watched every move Glorfy made, and wished they had Elrohir's previous fire.

"Alright, so first. Child, have you any idea what a balrog is? You will not follow the story if you do not understand the basics."

She wanted to say something smart. She didn't know w hat annoyed her more. The fact he really thought she had no idea, or the fact he thought she was some kid. Of course, she really didn't know, but that was her to know, and hopefully him to never find out.

Well, At least for a few seconds.

She knew he was trying, and though she didn't doubt he was the type who loved to relive his glories and soak up the prestige and affection, he was still putting up with her and actually doing what she'd asked. "No," she finally admitted. "Haven't a clue. But I figure it's safe to assume it's something evil."

"Good, good," he continued, pleasantly surprised. "That's more than I expected you to know."

"Oh come on! Give me a little bit of credit. All of you are building this up like you defeated the devil or something. I can at least grasp it's some evil thing."

"Calm down. There's no need to get overworked. Like anything, we have to examine everything before we dive right in."

"Sounds like he's been spending too much time with Erestor," Elladan whispered to his brother, who snorted in laughter.

"I can do you one better. Don't ruin the story for everyone. If you do not settle down, nobody will hear it.'

Instant quiet.

Sasha looked at Glorfy, and then looked back at the twins, who shut up faster than she had ever seen. She needed to learn THAT trick.

"-Is a demonic creature."

Damn it, she already wasn't paying attention. When did he start explaining? Oh wait, a demon! That's like Satan.. Bah! She was right!

"-They are very, extremely tall. At least 5 time the size of a human. Very menacing, and very dangerous. It is quite easy for these creatures to surround themselves with fire and shadow."

Yeah, they sounded scary. But with the right storyteller, Alice and Wonderland could sound scary. Even in freak shows back in the day, all the success was around the guy who talked a good game to get you inside. It's all how you tell the story. She wanted to call attention to this.

"Do you understand so far?"

"Creepy looking guys, all dark, who could probably break your neck and not break a sweat. Yes, I'm with you."

"Their weapon of choice, a long whip with many thongs, or an extra long, incredibly powerful sword."

"Geez, and I used to cry when I would get the belt. I'd try and outsmart everyone by sticking a towel down my pants."

"Pardon me?"

Now back home, someone else would have understood that. "Never mind. Please, continue"

"During the first age of our world, they were among Morgoth's most feared forces." 

"Hold it, Shakespeare.. Who or what is Morgoth?"

"One who has turned to the darkness, the ones responsible for evil in Middle Earth."

Oh, like the Sith. Well, why didn't he just say so? Sometimes these elves just liked to hear themselves talk.

"Okay, got it. So, how did you find these things?"

"I am getting to that. May I continue?"

"Alright. On an attack of the city of Ecthelion of the Fountain, Gothmeg and I fought our battle-"

Open mouth to interrupt.

"-And this is a balrog" Elladan clarified for her.

She patted his knee, much like a mother would pat her son upside the head for doing well. "Thanks."

"We fought for the defense of the city, but it was not enough. The survivors and myself passed though the Encircling Mountains, only to be ambushed. Only this time, I was not so lucky. I met my final resting place under a mountain of stones."

She couldn't bring herself to say it. It sounded so insane, so impossible. Was he trying to say poetically he died? Was it a metaphor? People don't just die and then sit in front of others clear as day. Wait, maybe he did die. How else could he have received that gorgeous hair?

"Soo, you died?" She drew it out, and felt incredibly silly for even asking this. It's not possible.

"And what am I doing here, right? Is that what you were going to ask next?"

"Maybe."

Damn, he's smart and handsome.

Glorfindel smiled, "I was sent back to Middle Earth by the Valar in the second age. Around the time Sauron forged his weapon, and destroyed peace in the lands."

At least she could semi follow this part. These were names she'd at least heard before. One's God or something similar, the other was a bad guy.

"So you faught this thing, gave your life to proect others, came back most likely for the same project, and now you're here telling this story. Can I poke you with a stick?"

She really wanted to feel his muscles. But she'd take poking him with a stick.

"You know, just to see I'm not imagining you."

"You can't poke him, he's a legend!" Elrohir exclaimed. "Ada has books with balrogs. See one for yourself, and you will understand."

"I'd love to see one! I'm curious."

"Yes," There was something about the way Glorfindel said such a simple word that got her attention. "Just as you wanted to see an Orc?"

"Hey, I survived."

"Only because you had two of the greatest trained warriors at your side. Had you been alone, I can guarantee your passing."

"I'm going to pretend you didn't say that. Now, not that I like you now or something, but that's pretty cool. Impressive," she corrected herself, "Impressive. And um, I'm glad you're alive." Sure, he was annoying her, but she didn't want him dead.

Glorfindel bowed his head to her, "I am glad you think so."

"So, when can I see one?"

"When we return, I promise to show you." Elladan swore to her, placing his hand over his heart.

"There," Glorfindel gestured to Elladan, "The president of your fan club has offered to be of assistance. And take your place with pride, for he used to be the president of mine."

"What can I say? We all can't be as amazing and colorful of a human being as I am. And I figure It's not enough for me to just hear about things. I want to see it for myself. Experience it, if I can. Well, when are we going?"

She looked at Glorfindel, who looked at Elladan, who looked up at Elrohir.

"I would feel better if we waited. Perhaps an hour must pass."

"But I'm-"

Elrohir glanced up at her. The matter was no longer up for discussion and she quietly yielded to his decision.

"Alright, one hour it is." She stood up, wiping her hands on her pants. "So, where do I find the food?" It was either spend the time eating, or ride the horse. She figured she was on the horse long enough for five lifetimes, so food it is.

Elladan pointed to his sack a couple yards away. "It's in there. Lembas bread. Help yourself."

She was looking to kill time, not quite walk for a few seconds and pick something up. Especially something as simple as bread. She was picturing something along the lines of the order line in Five Guys, or maybe the wait at a hot, new, and hip restaurant downtown. Even the line to get into any of the Smithsonians because most tourists didn't know there was a back door entrance. Something that would take an hour.


	14. 13

Take note, my dear readers. Listen, pay attention, and learn something. When it come to the great and daring battle between elves and humans, especially modern day female humans and the massive battle for "real" food, you will not win. That's not being a downer, that's not trying to destroy your dreams. That's a fact.

"I've wanted to kill dinner ever since I got here," Sasha announced, taking a bite and chewing on the lembas bread. It reminded her of a rice cake and had the same amount of taste.

Elladan tossed her an arrow, giving his silent approval to go for it, come back when you've got something. She examined it closely. "Yeah," she admitted tersely, "I don't know how to use this thing. Not many people do, unless it's a hobby or something. We use bullets."

"What's a bullet?"

"It's a little tiny device that does a great deal of damage. Even kill you. It's this," she picked up the arrow, "but on a quicker and future scale. Let's just leave it at that." She wasn't going to go into cartridges and compartments. She'd either scare them, or confuse them even more.

"How do use one?"

"Oh boy. You know something, that's a conversation for if you ever drop into my world. I'm going to get my revenge, and while I'm at it, explain everything."

"If you can't participate in something as simple as archery," Glorfindel piped up, "How can you possibly attempt to hunt down a meal?"

"Well, I don't. At least not by myself. I was hoping the big, strong, and brave, males of the group could make that happen. Or, I could throw you in a ditch and wait until the animals come and see what's going on. You think?"

"I am fine with the lembas," Glorfindel smirked at her. The twins followed suite.

"Really guys, is this how it's going to be?" She had a feeling if she cried, they'd give in, but the key is to pick your battles. While food is good, it's not always worth giving so much away. This is just power you cannot buy.

"Can we just go?" She swiped her body upon Elros' back, actually proud of herself that it was somewhat graceful and she didn't go flying over the animal.

"Looks like you have made our decision for us," Elrohir grinned, mounting his own horse and waited for the others to follow.

She had a side comment. She always did. They just set themselves up for it over and over again. They may have been amazing, brave, and competent warriors, but they were sure giving her lots to work with in comedy. Or maybe it was intentional. She didn't know; she didn't care. It was almost like the playful hard times she'd give her own friends.

How far could she push them? She wondered. Should she even try? She wasn't exactly sure how much longer until they reached Imladris, but should she start pushing them away now? The longer you wait, the closer you become, the harder it is when your time together is over. Was the grand plan to drop her off, lock her up, and say see ya?

She sat there, deep in these thoughts the entire way. Could have been a few hours, could have been a few minutes; she really was not paying attention. All she could figure was she'd driven to case locations further than this. She continued to wear a pensive expression and bit the inside of her lip until Elrohir poked her.

And poked her again.

"Hm, what? What do you need?" She grunted, trying to focus where they were now and look like she'd been getting the lay of the land the whole time instead of in her mental dungeon. She wasn't any closer to figuring it out, but it was nice having time to think.

"Home," he grinned happily and pointed, "look."

She had no choice but to do as he asked, and she was shocked by what she saw. Everything was laid out in front of her like a welcoming carpet; Trees, grass, every size bush you could imagine, bridges, colorful flowers. She was taken aback. This was more green and beauty then she'd ever seen in her entire life, and probably would see ever again. Her mother had kept a nice garden, but it was nothing like this. If this were her home, she'd love it as they did as well.

"It's…" She tried.

"I've never…" Nope, failed again.

"Wow," she smiled wide, "It's like a screen saver!"

"Impressed?" Elladan shifted his own horse next to her.

"Hell yes!, Holy crap!" She genuinely grinned and took in one gorgeous piece of land to the other. Momentarily forgetting the idea they could just dump her and leave. If this were to be where she'd be caged, well, maybe it wouldn't be so bad! This could work!

"Indeed, child. Welcome to Imladris, home of the Firstborn and realm of Lord Elrond himself."

"You know, you have just as bad of a habit as they do," she nodded toward the twins who were not chattering amongst themselves, "at using words or even ideas that make no sense."

She wasn't the first-born. She had absolutely no idea what Glorfindel was talking about, but something he said did indeed make sense. _Lord _Elrond. Okay, so they had a royal family. Or at least a class system. In other words, she was to behave. Oh, who cares if she had to act formal and ladylike, she was in paradise. She sat there, still dazzled by the beauty in front of her, and shrugged at the others who were now looking at her strangely.

"What? I don't have this where I come from. Mind your business."

"You've been through quite an ordeal" Glorfy reminded her, taking her off Elros before she could even make an effort herself. "Perhaps you should be properly examined."

"No, you know something, I don't think I do…" she started. She absolutely hated doctors passionately. She'd date them, spend time with them, but actually visit one and get poked and prodded; she'd have to be dying first. She'd sooner lay around on the coach and whine to whoever would listen to her. It saved on the pocketbook, and definitely saved on the stress. "Anyway," she looked towards Elladan, "We have things to do. Balrogs, and where's the guy who can help me?"

He shook his head. "Healers first, ada after."

"No thank you. I pass." She pictured herself hopping back on the horse and riding away into the sunset and finding somewhere else to go.

"It is for your own good."

"I know what's for my own good, and I tell you. I'm fine. I've lived in this body my whole life and if something goes wrong, I'm the first one to hear about it."

"You are going, and that is the last I wish to hear on the topic." Glorfindel pointed. "End of discussion"

Wow, he was similar to her father. It was almost scary.

"Go _where," _she screeched, exasperated. She had no money, no backup, and she was sick of not being listened to. "I don't even know where I'd go, if I decided to!"

"I'll take her," Elladan offered, slightly coming to her rescue. Magically, he had become the weak link in the annoy Sasha party; maybe she could talk her way out of it with him.

Glorfy nodded, sending his approval for their departure, and as they left, suddenly became engulfed in conversation with Elrohir. It was almost like they were just waiting for her to leave. Just for the hell of it, even though she knew she'd have no help, she shot them one last puppy dog glance before Elladan led her off.

"That's It. Now I want a five hour bath, all the hot water, and candles."

She learned quickly she had very little to no power. At least the kind she wanted. Sure, she could maybe flirt, bat her eyelashes, and act helpless and any of the three would be at her side in an instant. Speak up against something _they _wanted her to do, and she'd have a better chance of playing pick up stix with her butt cheeks.

All the hemming and hawing like a schoolgirl would do no good. Only make her look pathetic. She chewed her lip and wished she had sunglasses to hide behind as she received stares from her outsider status. Elladan chatted happily along side her, pointing out key locations from his life and hearing connecting stories. So far, she'd seen where his sister received her first kiss, his favorite spot for ditching his lessons, and the best pitch for dueling. Had this been any other day, had she truly belonged there, maybe been an elf herself and they were on a date or something, she'd ask where his first kiss was. Instead, She'd made the appropriate noises and facial expressions, but his words went right over her.

Now that she was here, now that it was really do-or-die, what if no one could help her? What if all this talk was pure crap? For the very first since her arrival, she didn't feel like she needed to stay alert and keep her head on a swivel; she felt no danger. But why hadn't she woken up yet? Is this one of those events where you're in a coma for 20 years? Aren't you supposed to wake up when you're in the absolute peak of your fear? That moment had come and gone.

"-May be difficult," Elladan chirped in her ear. "Ready?""

"Uh, for what? What are we doing?" Last time she looked, something about soldier training.

He laughed, "Back from your mental retreat?"

Damn it. He knew all along.

"Yep, just for you, Scooter."

He gave her a confused look, but said nothing. "I was saying, this next part might be difficult. Can you climb?"

"Didn't you ask me that already? Of course I can. I can climb a wall, easily. And a tree too, it would seem."

He pointed to a structure that looked like a damn good tree house. Like someone's dad was an architect or an engineer and had all the time and resources in the world to make that for his kids.

"Before that, issue back there" she started, pulling herself up on a tree branch, and steadied herself "I haven't climbed a tree in years. I think I can handle this."

In a flash, he was behind her. "Please, let me carry you."

"No way. I'll break your arms. And that's just embarrassing. This whole thing is bad enough already, and I just want it over with. Let's just go quickly." Translation, back off.

"Please, if something did happen I would be in serious trouble with ada." Trying to appeal to her sympathy. He hoped she didn't want him in trouble and would do anything to avoid that.

His gamble paid off. She sighed and let him pick her up. She knew what it was like to get in trouble for something another person did, and she knew it wasn't fun. Still though, she was a guest. And if the guests get all the respect in the world, why was nobody listening to her? It's not like she was telling them to do something rude, cruel, hurtful, or disrespectful. Then again, he never listened to her. Not from the first second.

"Alright," she strained her neck to look down so she could see what he was doing. "What do you want me to do?"

He scooped her up and grabbed a branch himself. "Nothing. Just sit there, and don't look down."

"I'm fine with heights. I want to see exactly what you're doing."

"So I figured," he muttered, remembering the orcs. She had to find some way to be involved in everything. Couldn't just sit back and wait it out.

"Would it kill you to just sit there and relax?" He asked her gently, "There is no need to fear. I am a complete gentleman."

"Being a gentleman is like being strong. If you have to say you are, then you aren't. . Kidding, kidding," she put her hands on his arms. "I'm only playing with you."

She wasn't sure how he'd take it. She imagined the Knights of the Round Table splitting you where you stood for mocking their chivalry and honor. And she had no doubt he could do it.

He smiled, and she never felt so relieved. Putting her down on a long, thick branch that she assumed was serving as a path inside, and opened the door. Maybe it was her nature, or maybe the fact she hated when people barged in on her, but she absolutely despised people walking in without knocking. And she felt embarrassed and almost ashamed as she followed him inside begrudgingly.

"Suliaid, Cristiel," (Greetings, Cristiel), Was the first thing he said to a female elf, who right away started giving him googly eyes. She was obviously thrilled to see him, and gave him a tight hug. Sasha smirked. So, he had a fan club? Could have fooled her. She smiled as he spoke to her, which Sasha couldn't understand.

Instead, she stared at the ceiling to keep from laughing hysterically. The key wasn't to fawn and be obvious. Even she knew that.

She must have asked what the point of the visit was, because Elladan came back to her and wrapped his arm around her shoulders. "Care to look this one over for me?"

Well, now she really wasn't popular. This was an excuse to call her a man stealer.

Cristiel glanced at the human carefully, "Pedich Edhellen?" (Do you speak Elvish/Sindiran? A/N Trying to be proper!)

Well for all Sasha knew, that could have been the start of a duel. Or it could have meant she had great fashion taste. Hell if she knew. She looked at the elf blankly, immediately deciding she would be much nicer to every foreigner she met from here on out. The frustration was real!

"No. Whatever you're asking for is in the other room."

"I asked you if you spoke Sindiran." (I'm just going to use Sindiran from here on out. If you guys don't know, it's one and the same). She had an accent too, similar to the other three.

"Oh, well. Not a word."

"Edan." Elladan explained matter-of-factly for her. Cristiel nodded in understanding. Sasha turned around, looking at him. That was the second time she'd heard that word, yet had no idea of its meaning. Yet, she wasn't ready to ask. She wasn't ready to accept this.

"So, um, can you do anything or not?" Sasha bounced around on one foot to the other. "I really don't like being here, call it white coat syndrome. No offence of course. I'm sure you're wonderful."

Cristiel nodded and took her arm. "Wait here," she commanded Elladan who immediately sat on her command. "This will not take long."

"Man enith lin?" Cristiel asked her when they arrived in the other room and took a seat. "Sorry," she blushed slightly. "It is a habit."

Sasha nodded, she understood. Of all the times she'd be saying something and Elladan or Elrohir or even both would be looking at her like she was speaking nonsense. "No worries, ask me again, and I'll try to answer." She was somewhat embarrassed herself, this was a thousand times worse than being the new kid in town. At least when she was the new kid, she could still communicate.

"I asked, uh, what your name is. I think that's correct?"

"Oh that's easy! Sasha. Call me Sasha. None of this My Lady crap, I'm still trying to explain that to that one out there." She laughed pointing in Elladan's direction. "He's a little thick"

The other female smiled. "Nice to meet you, Sasha. I'm Cristiel, and if you can't tell, I'll be the here during this process."

"Nice to meet you." She felt like she was visiting the gynecologist. A doctor's office was not the greatest place in the world to try and make a friend. Cristiel attempted to remove Sasha's outer shirt, causing the human to jump to her feet and back off.

"I know. It is not the most fun process, but I promise. I will make it quick."

"No."

"I must check. I cannot simply take your word."

"There's nothing there."

"Have you seen for sure?"

"Well, no."

"Then we can have hemorrhages, internal bleeding, danger."

"Of what? Dying? I can promise you that won't happen. And as for anything else, broken this, petruding that, nothing hurts. I'm fine."

"Then humor me and give me the option to see for myself."

Lord, this lady was calm. Was this some elf trait?

Sasha tore off her sweater and stood there in her pajama tank top. "There you go, not a scratch."

Cristiel refused to be baited and inch-by-inch, examined every inch of skin she could plainly see. Starting with her arms, all went well until she reached Sasha's shoulders.

"What's this?" She had found a scar on her left shoulder.

"Your fingers are cold."

"Is it recent?"

"No. I had forgotten about it, actually."

"What happened?"

"I was careless," she laughed. "It was a complete accident. I'm actually annoyed it came to this point and left a scar. Well, I was trying to squeeze through this tight space in between my dad's desk, and the wall. Hanging on the wall was this hideous picture, with this really thick, heavy frame. Well I was in a rush, and zoomed right through, scratching myself on that frame. If I had taken my time, I would have made it through clean. Anyway, I left it alone, gunked it up pretty good, and what you see before you is the aftermath. That's it, nothing exciting."

She felt more gunk being applied, but didn't bother to turn around. "It's not going to work," she laughed. "Believe me, I've tried it all. Well, at least what was in the house."

"It's not very big," Cristiel noticed, "perhaps this will be the cure that works, yes?"

"Sure, why not. Let's see what happens." This had quickly become a new motto for her. Sure, why not, whatever you want. I'm sick of arguing.

"So," she reached for her sweater, "are we done here? Can I go?"

Cristiel gave her the look. Yes, the look. The one that clearly states I'm an elf, and you're a dumbass.

"No," she caught on. "Well, okay. So how about this one." She pointed to a scar on her knee. "That's from when my ex boyfriend's dog decided to jump on me. See, none of these are from any battles or wars, and I'm not suicidal," she claimed, showing her lack of scars on her wrists. I don't have ribs sticking out, I don't have black eyes, I wasn't beaten, I don't know how else to prove it to you." She'd accept her top half examination. There was no way in hell she'd submit to the lower half. At least not before wine.

"Come on, Elladan, I'm leaving and taking a shower" She showed herself the door and marched out in perfect time. Elladan looked towards Cristiel, then looked back at the door, obviously conflicted in loyalty. He knew Sasha would not be happy in there, yet she did a fine job of not screaming bloody murder and biting the elleth's head off. In the end, his curiosity, loyalty, or even both sided with Sasha and he started his decent down the tree, trying to catch up with her. She was about ½ a foot in front of him.

She was grateful when her feet made contact with the ground and brushed her hands off her pants to get rid of the tree's loose bark. She stood on the ground, and waited for Elladan. She was in need of his services.

"So," he grinned at her, "How did it go?"

"Well, great. Except if you ever make me do that again, I'll kill you and make it look like an accident."

Elladan burst out laughing 'You handled that far better than I thought you would. I'm impressed."

She had been had. "You planned this, didn't you?"

He leaned back against the tree, obviously quite proud of himself. "Truthfully, it was Glorfy's idea."

"Aha, well I see. I have a very big bone to pick with that guy the next time he's around, but for now, I have a question."

"Seems like you are making quite a long list of things you must do while you're here. Talk to ada, read about balrogs, yell at Glorfy"… He ticked each item off with his fingers. "Is there anything else?" Would she really stay around that long to accomplish all that?

"Yes, as a matter of fact there is something I would love to do right now."

He waited for her to explain.

"I want my shower."

"Show..er?"

"Shower. One word. Yes, I'd really like that."

"What does one do this this sh..weoer?"

"Stand in hot water, clean off, and feel so much better than before you went in."

"Oh!" Now it made sense to him, "like a bath!"

"Yeah, kind of. Most people are usually on one team, bath or shower, but they pretty much do the same stuff. Clean you off and are great for relaxing and thinking. So can I take one? Pretty please?"


	15. 14

"So, what exactly is this sho-wer?" Elladan asked as he led her to, well, she wasn't exactly sure where he was taking her, just so long as there was water involved.

"Elladan, I told you. It's this space with a faucet above your head, and used to let water fall on you. It's like a baht standing up. I promise, you're not missing out on something so amazing and fantastic your life will change."

"And you would like this?"

"Very much so. Then again, I'd settle for just getting wet."

"Well," he shrugged, "if that's what you truly want, then I could always push you in the Bruinen, but I take it that's not exactly pleasing."

"Is that a river?"

He nodded.

"Way to make me work for it," she teased him, "don't you know anything about the element of surprise."

"More than you know. It would be wise not to tempt me."

"Yeah? Well, so far I don't see it big fella. Just saying." She happily fell in step with him, chattering on for him to watch his back; she's like a panther. Who would have guessed they'd ever get to this point?

"Soo, are we friends now?" He blurted out quickly, stopping to have her full attention. "I have been wondering for days now."

"Are we friends?" She hadn't stopped to think about it. She just assumed they were. "Yeah," she nodded as he broke into a smile, "yeah, we're friends."

He had planned this so they were stopped in front of a closed door, which she now assumed was for her. "And as your friend," she continued, "I'm here to tell you that you have zero chance in surprising me."

He nodded, hearing her words but not accepting them, and opened the door for her. "Go ahead, everything you need is in there. I'll come back for you later."

She smiled gratefully at him, and walked inside, closing the door behind her. She leaned against the wall and was shocked by the silence. She only had a pocketful of silence with the twins the whole ride over, and was no longer used to peace and quiet. She blew her bangs out of her face and looked around. Of course, it was completely gorgeous. After seeing the main entrance point, she wouldn't expect anything less from them.

The child in her wanted to test for an echo, but figured with her luck, someone would think she was dying and rush in. So instead, she found the mirror and picked herself apart. Taking in a real good inventory of what she'd looked like over the previous days.

Her hair was tangled, limp, and in need of a washing. Her face had smudges, but thankfully no cuts. She looked like a prissy, pampered poodle that had gone stay and fallen on hard times. She didn't even want to think about how badly she must smell, or her breath.

Completely oblivious to the fact that once she was clean, she'd still have the same raggedy clothes, she threw them to the side to enjoy her long awaited and well-deserved bath. Though she was still having a hard time elves even existed, she hoped they weren't like the rest of the Middle Ages- where if you're lucky you got a bath every few years, and women had to use the same water after the man.

Her water, as promised, was hot, but not as much as she would have liked. This was personal preference though; she got what she was ultimately promised. Taking a deep breath, she disappeared under the water to work on her filthy rat's nest worth of hair. Coming back to the surface, there were three bottles for her to choose from, of course, each marked in their native tongue. Studying them for a minute, she picked one, hoping it was shampoo.

"Well, at least it smells good."

She rinsed and repeated three times for good measure before moving to the next bottle. Also three times. Who knew when she'd get to wash her hair again? She didn't hear the door open, but it was the sudden blast of cold air that got her attention.

"Damn it, Twin boy, I'm not done yet!" She shrieked, trying to throw a bar of soap at the intruder. It only slipped out of her fingers and landed back in the water.

How protective.

So she had nothing to throw at him to get out.

Her intruder and disrupter of the peace calmly walked around in front of her eyes. Well, crap. It wasn't Elladan at all. "My name is Adonnenniel," she introduced herself gently, "I am your handmaiden. Welcome to Imladris, Lady Sasha."

She was at a loss. She didn't know how to respond. Did it make no never mind to this chick she was taking a bath and this probably wasn't the greatest time to come say hello?

"First, Sasha. That's it. No titles. Second, who sent you? Third? Is that like a lady in waiting or something?"

"May I speak freely?"

This was new. She'd never had anyone ask her that before. She shrugged, "Sure. Go ahead."

"Do you wish to send me away when Lord Elrond himself sent me here?"

"L..Lord Elrond…Wait, who's he again?" She knew the name, she knew he was important, but still wasn't exactly sure why.

"Lord Elrond is the ruler of our glorious land, as well as the father of Lords Elladan and Elrohir."

What!? Twin boys were royalty? Well, that explains the sense of doing whatever they wanted and not taking no for an answer. But still! They acted as if they could care less who their father was. Sure they drove her nuts, but they weren't pompous. At least not that she saw.

"Right, okay. Thank you."

Adonnenniel bowed her head, and Sasha noticed that she too, had gorgeous hair. Come to think of it, everyone did. Did they use the stuff with the odd writing? If not, can she pick up what they used?

"Actually, you know something... There is something fast I would be grateful if you did for me." Just because this girl was to take care of her, gave Sasha no reason to pull rank and be a snob.

"Yes, my Lady?"

"Hand me that towel over there. I have some twin butts to fry."

The shocked look on poor Adonnenniel face told Sasha she wasn't expecting the end of that sentence. She appeared to do as she was asked more as common curtsy.

Sasha hopped out of the tub, and picked up the burgundy bathrobe off the wall over her towel.

"Right. Okay then. Maybe this wasn't the smartest idea I've ever had."

"How so, my Lady?"

She stood in front of the elf and flapped the robe like a pair of wings down by her legs. "This is why. Um, where can I wash my clothes?"

She was way too proud to ask for a shirt.

"Come with me, I shall show you were to get clean clothes. Are you finished, my lady?"

"Can I brush my teeth first?"

The elf nodded and pointed to the sink. Well, she was an idiot. It was right there. She snatched up the toothbrush like a Chanel item on mark down and added some blue-gray gunky stuff she hoped was toothpaste, and set out to be minty fresh and clean. All the while singing the Double Mint commercial in her head. Somehow, it just fit.

Finally feeling better than she had since this wacky dream materialized she smiled at Adonnenniel. "Alright, I'd ready. Let's find some clothes."

Her new hand maiden, and most likely built in best friend smiled warmly and opened the door from the bathroom leading into the bedroom. Only it didn't look like any bedroom she ever saw. She didn't remember this step walking in, but it was a good assumption she was just too focused on her bath. In fact, her only giveaway to what it was, you guessed it. A bed. For some reason she was expecting more of a hammock.

Gorgeous, of course. From their amazing hair to their gorgeous sense of decorating, for the right person, it would be easy to develop a complex.

Adonnenniel stepped to the side of her strange new charge and opened a dark armoire, something strangely similar to one she had as a kid. "Now, here we are. Pick any one you desire, and after we shall move on to jewelry and headpieces.

Sasha perked up. She liked jewelry. Loved it, actually. She could only imagine the beautiful, priceless pieces she could borrow here. "Wait," her face fell. "Um they're dresses. Is there anything…not so flowy?"

The other female nodded like it was the most obvious thing in the world. You're a female. You're in this time, at this place. This is what you were.

"Do you not like them?"

They were beautiful. Back home, they could probably fetch for thousands just for the sheer time it would take to make one. But she wasn't a dress girl. At least not a fancy dress.

"I haven't put such an extravagant dress on since high school," she admitted, touching the gorgeous items. "It's been a long time."

"You could always just wear the robe," Elladan said from behind her. "You would cause quite a sensation."

She smiled, without turning around. "Adonnenniel, do you have a shoe? A brush? Anything? I'd like to throw it at him."

Elladan smirked. "The thanks I get for coming to check on you. Intense mistreatment."

"Oh stop. This is nothing. I could put you in one of these, that would be mistreatment."

As usual, he shook off her attempt at an insult and pushed a purple dress in her hands, like he didn't want to be seen touching something so silly. "Wear this one."

"Why?"

"I like it," he smiled obviously. "Why else? Do it now, I will wait outside."

Sasha looked towards Adonnenniel, and they both stared at the dress. Did that just happen?

"Now maybe I should wear it. I think this dress must be magic. It got him to leave on his own! What's the secret to this thing?" She wondered, trying to find the hole, which would allow her to slip it over her head.

"And because Lord Elladan picked it out," Adonnenniel giggled, blushing slightly.

"Awwwww do you like him?" Girl talk! Get the cheesecake, pizza, nail polish, and facemasks!

"Of course. Everyone thinks very highly of Elladan and his brother. They are incredible warriors that can be victorious over any enemy."

Sasha knew. She saw. She was there. But if the rest of the elves in this place hero-worshipped the twins, maybe she should keep her mouth shut. The last thing she wanted to do was draw any more attention to her than she already would. She was sure she'd already have to answer a million questions and repeat herself a thousand times.

"No, no," Sasha laughed, not willing to let her slide out of it. Especially using obvious tricks. "I didn't ask if the whole place liked him, I asked if –you- liked him." Alright, so they weren't entirely best friends yet, she didn't know anything other than this female's name, but at the end of the day, it was another girl and she missed sisterhood, girl talk, and a great old game of rate-the-guys.

Well, rate-the-elf. Never in her wildest dreams did she think she'd be playing rate-the-elf, with an actual elf that didn't have white hair and make cookies.

"Does he know how you feel?"

"Pardon, my Lady?" 

"Elladan. Does he know you... oaky, how do I say this Harbor feeling for him? Want to court him? Anything ringing a bell? You've got to help me out here, I'm out of old world terms."

"I am sorry, I believe you are mistaken. There are no feelings of romance. He is unclaimed, if you so desire him."

"Me?! No way, I was talking about you! No, nyet, non, and the ever popular, hell no."

"Do all females take this long?" Elladan shouted from the other end of the door. Sasha hissed and quickly covered her mouth. Just because she didn't want to fall into his arms didn't mean she wanted to hurt his feelings and make him feel bad. Besides, annoying as he may be, he had never tried to hurt her. In all honesty, she was surprised he was still waiting. She completely forgot he was there.

"She is almost finished, my Lord." Adonnenniel spoke for them both. Sasha glared at her.

"Are you out of your mind?" She hissed, "Are you literally crazy?"

"It will be alright. Trust me, please. Just put it on."

She took the garment and tried to bunch it up so it would be easy to slip on. "Aren't you supposed to help me or something?"

"I feel you would prefer to do this alone."'

"Great, now you want to think. Ok, okay, let me figure this out."

"Damn dress" she muttered to herself trying to find the best way to slip into this thing. While a dress wasn't her favorite, she was grateful there was no corset. Sure, a Scarlett O'Hara waist would be awesome, but she didn't want to be so restricted.

"Alright, here we go." She tried to summon the courage to look at herself in the mirror. She closed both eyes, and then squinted out of one. And then the other. And then finally opened both eyes to get a clearer look.

"Wow," she smiled, " I may not like it, but I look like a real lady. If only my mom could see me now!"

She actually liked not looking like a rag picker.

"Alright Lucy and Ethel, you can come in now."

"Do you mean us, My Lady?"

"Just get in here, will you please?"

The door opened and Sasha spun around once and crossed her arms over her chest. "Are you guys happy? I feel ridiculous and extremely out of place."

Elladan smiled. "You may feel ridiculous, but you look beautiful. You clean up nicely."

"Hm," Sasha answered, unaware she said that out loud. She looked towards Adonnenniel wondering how she'd take the object of her affection's compliment towards someone else. She'd want to cry. Adonnenniel showed nothing.

"You do look beautiful," She agreed, "but you really need a headpiece for a finishing touch." She spoke excitedly, having dragged Sasha by the arm to look at the selection.

"Whoa, nuh uh," She tried to use Elladan's arm to hang on to in order to keep herself in place. "This is already a big step, and one I honestly wasn't expecting. One thing at a time, alright?"

The elleth nodded and Sasha looked towards Elladan. "Alright, so I no longer stink, look like the rest of you, kind of, and feel much much better than before. What now?"

"Are you ready to meet with ada?"

"Just a minute.. Just a minute.. You're the other one." She told him calmly.

"Which other one, My Lady?"

"Elrohir."

"I promise you, I am not."

"Uh huh.. Elladan, you can come out now. I wasn't born yesterday."

She looked around. "Where are you?"

Silence.

She looked at Adonnenniel, who shrugged, and Elrohir, who just sat and grinned.

"Ugh, Elladan, would you get out here? I don't want you to hide."

"That, my Lady, is the absolute nicest thing you have ever said to me," Elladan came from behind, giving her a hug.

She shook her way out. "Nice try, you didn't have me fooled one bit."

"Impossible. " Elrohir leaned against the doorframe and Elladan slapped his shoulder.

"Very possible. It's easy."

"There are those who have known us for thousands of years and cannot tell the difference."

She shrugged. "Well, maybe that's it. You become careless. Look I hate to give away my knowledge, but Elrohir, you're about a half an inch shorter. It's not much, but if you're mentally measuring yourself against someone, it's just enough to notice. And Elladan, you've got a deeper voice. But then Elrohir, you have a heavier step. It's not personality stuff, you're actually really good at that, and I may be fooled. But it's birth stuff, you can't really do anything about it."

"And you notice this right away?"

"I've had nothing but time to study you two, nor have I had anything else to do." She patted their arms, enjoying her victory. "So, guys, where's your papa?"

Elrohir, still in shock simply pointed Elladan rolled his eyes at his brother and offered her his arm, which she had no choice but to accept. She winked at Adonnenniel, who tried to hide her smile.

"Are you nervous," Elladan asked her, trying to keep her from her own thoughts. "I can almost hear your heartbeat."

"Not hard in this dress. My boobs are pushed up so sky high.. I mean, a little. Part of me is still convinced this is all fantasy, and all your dad has to do is shove me off the bed or something and I'll wake up. But I'm confused as hell as to why I can't do that to myself."

He stopped and turned her towards him. "No, my Lady. It's not a dream. It is real. Watch…" He poked her. "See?" 

"Is that your test?" She laughed, "Poking me?"

"Do I have to get a stick?" He grinned, "How is that for paying attention?"

"Oh, stop. That's what I'm afraid of. The fact it is real."

"Afraid, why? Let's look at it."

"Okay, well, let's start simple. Bare basics. I had to borrow clothes. I had to use your horse. I don't have a place of my own; I'm in a room in your own place. How on God's green earth can I survive and support myself when I have nothing of my own? What can I even do to work?" That's not counting her family, dog, and well, life.

"Which are all for your use, so long as you shall need them."

She didn't recognize the voice, but soon came face-to-face with another elf she'd never seen before. It wasn't Elrohir, it wasn't Adonnenniel, it wasn't Fabio. "A-are you Elladan's dad?"

He looked at her with cool gray eyes, and Sasha could almost feel herself shrink. And she's going around sounding like a complete ninny.

"Indeed, though I prefer Elrond. Welcome, my dear, to Imladris."

She was half mesmerized, half nervous, and offered her hand. "Do you guys even do this? I'm sorry, I have no idea what I'm doing."

"You're nervous." These guys got right to the point. They were all quite good at telling her things, not so much asking. She admired that.

She nodded. "Very."

The elven lord offered her his hand, and she took it gently, like a small child taking a cookie. "Well, why don't you come with me and let's have a little talk?"

"Good luck," Elladan whispered to her. "Nothing good ever comes from a talk."

"Do you not have somewhere to be?" Elrond glared at his son. This was already a delicate and touchy situation, he did not need his bigmouth son making things worse.

"Nope, cleared everything. I will not leave her alone with you and Erestor. He will scare her."

Manners butting their way in, Sasha mentally told Elladan to keep his big mouth shut; she can handle anyone. She handled Fabio perfectly well.

Elrond sighed, "Do you mind, Lady Sasha, if he attends as well? It would seem he's appointed himself your guardian."

She shook her head no. What could they possibly ask her that she didn't share already? At least Elladan was familiar.

"Ada! She could tell Elrohir and I apart" Elladan exclaimed, once he had permission to stay. It was as though he was just dying to tell someone.

Both elves glanced at her, as Elrond let her to his offices. She shrugged shyly. Like Elle Woods says, "What? Like it's hard?"

"I am impressed, you have done something not many are able to do. Perhaps you should indeed stay with us, so I can ask for help in keeping both of my sons behaving properly."

"Nah, she's one of us." Elladan grinned. "She's an accomplice, not my sister."

"Shh!" she elbowed him, "you're talking too much. Remember we're trying to make a good impression here." But she knew what he was trying to do. Attempting to keep the attention on him and off her. Delay the discomfort as long as he possibly could.

Elrond showed her to a seat, introduced her to Erestor, who supposedly was the terror of Imladris who masked as an advisor and overseer of education. Erestor and Elrond sat on one side, Sasha and Elladan on the other. The best was she could describe it was bringing Elladan home to meet the parents, only this time it was the other way around.

"Well," Elrond started softly, careful not to scare the girl anymore, or sound accusatory. "Let us start simple. What is your name?"

"Sasha Knauer."

"Alright, and how old are you?"

"24."

Should she tell them her blood type? Her favorite color? How she liked her eggs?

"She's a youngling," Erestor whispered to the elven lord. "Why is she here alone?"

"Actually, I've been considered an adult for years now. Been on my own and going places by myself for awhile."

"Where are you from?" Erestor asked in, intrigued by the idea of 24 being an adult.

"This is where it's complicated. I know it, but you won't."

"We found her in Bree, ada."

"Thank you, Elladan, but we already know your background. Tell us anyway, dear. I am sure between us all, we have heard of your home."

She shook her head no, but with a smile. There was no way. "Alright," she declared, humoring them. "Washing, District of Columbia. USA- United States of America."

Elrond and Erestor stared at each other. "Can you show us on a map? Would you mind explaining exactly where that is?"

"Earth. Not _Middle_ Earth. Milky Way, 2019. To us, nothing here exists. It's all a story. And quite old, some guy wrote about it here many, many years ago. I never even read the musings. It's a long, long, long story… that's all." She babbled. She had been through this with the twins. Well, actually she told them to butt out and mind their own business, but she hoped her insistence was a dream, and would show she didn't belong.

Elrond sat back in thought, wondering what could be done with this human female. Erestor, continued to prod the science experiment and question her.

"And you got to Bree, how?"

"Ohh brother, if you thought the USA was confusing, wait until you here this story. I was home, my home. My real home. It was after work, I was making food, Funnily enough, I don't remember what. Just the fact I was using the microwave. It burned.. I remember setting the timer too longer. I burned my food! Did I die?" She looked up at Erestor, hoping he had an answer.

"I do not know, child. I do not know what to tell you. For now, this is just as new to us as it is to you."

She turned to Elladan. "Was I dead?"

"You were alive when we found you."

"What did you do in Bree? With whom did you talk to?"

"I, uh.." What did she do? "Came across Elladan, made a fool of myself in bar, met Elros, met Elrohir"

Elrond's eyebrow arched.

"Yelled at Elladan some more. You know, fairly typical things."

"Yes, he does have that effect on people. And no one dangerous approached you?"

"It was like I was invisible. I feel like half the town didn't even notice me. I moved about completely unbothered. Save for Elladan."

She stood up, shaking her head. "Can I go? Or may I be excused? I don't know how you want me to say it here."

Elrond nodded. He knew she was feeling let down. She wasn't the first who thought he would have an answer and be able to fix everything. But he also knew she'd never admit to that, and he was lucky she even admitted to him she was scared. That would never happen again.

"Please take it easy. We can talk more another day. Elladan will show you back to your room."

She thought about curtsying, realized she didn't quite know how, so she settled on a wave and followed Elladan out the door.


	16. 15

So, I'm sure you know this by now, but I don't own anyone or anything from Imladris. I also don't own Shel Silverstien's poem. For more poetry, pick up the book Where the Sidewalk Ends.

Sasha slipped quietly from the room, not worrying about manners or decent impressions at this point. All she wanted to do was run, as evidenced by slamming into Glorfindel, who was hovering around in case they needed "muscle." Elladan, who attempted to follow her, was cut off at the knees.

"Leave her alone, she's not in the mood for you."

To Elladan, the male God of Imladris, this was a foreign concept. "Why not?"

Erestor rolled his eyes, could his former pupil really be that thickheaded and slow? "Why not? Let us think about this, Shall we?"

Elladan suddenly wished he could fall into Mount Doom, and started singing a song in his head to drone out the advisor. Some things would never change.

Ever clever and all knowing, Elrond figured it wouldn't be a bad thing to leave his son to listen to Erestor's lecture, while he went in search of his latest charge. HE found her quickly, sitting on the steps facing the training fields.

"Am I really off my rocker?" She asked him sadly, "Maybe I'm not dead. Maybe I'm just in a nut house."

He was quiet for a moment. He didn't have an answer for her. He didn't foresee her arrival; therefore this must be an accident. But how? HOW? And more important, why? What role was she to play in their future?

"You can't help me, can you." She continued as he lost himself in thought. It wasn't a question, or even an accusation. Just a quiet statement.

He turned to look at her. "Listen to me. Pay attention to my words. I promise I will figure out your purpose. No, I do not know why or how you arrived to us. I have never heard of your home, and I certainty have never seen a lady show up in the clothing that you came with-"

She put her head down, almost embarrassed and ashamed.

"I have no right to ask for your trust. You do not know me; I am just some stranger you met moments ago. But I will ask for it anyway. You have friends in my sons. In myself. Trust us. We shall find where you belong."

She looked at him timidly, afraid to make eye contact. He had such an air of power and importance around him, and here she was some scrappy little nobody, at his mercy. He didn't have to help her. He was right, they didn't know each other. Also, she got the feeling that if he said something was going to happen, it would. If he said jump, there was always someone to ask how high.

"Oh, Eru, he's going to torture her," Elladan's voice rang down the hall looking for his friend, "Erestor, this is all your fault.. You're fired."

"He really needs to learn how to keep his voice down," Sasha laughed, finally making contact with the elven lord.

"He needs to learn a great many things," he replied, helping her up. "But fear not. I have already devoured my fill of hearts this morning. I simply cannot eat yours, too."

Finally, Elladan skidded around the corner and almost collided with them. He hustled her off so quickly she hardly had a chance to say goodbye. "What did I tell you," he asked as he scanned for a hiding place. "Nothing good ever follows the talk."

"I take it you're in trouble a lot?"

"That I am. And from thousands of year's worth of experience, I can tell you confidently. Tune them out."

"Psh." She ducked under his arm, facing the direction she just came from. "Hey, Lord Elrond?"

He turned to her.

"Do you really think I've got some purpose out here?"

"Anything can be."

"Hey, look at that," Sasha cooed paying attention to Elladan again. Did your parents ever read to you from Where the Sidewalk Ends?

"What sidewalk? Where? Just be careful, will you?"

"OK, that answers that. No, it's a book. I guess it's marketed for kids, but it could really be for anyone. There's a poem in there called Anything can Be."

"How does it go?"

"Ah, it's been awhile. I hope I don't screw it up.. Listen to the mustn't child, listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to he never haves, then listen close to me. Anything can happen, child, anything can be."

"Do you miss home? Or do you think you could ever be happy here?"

"Yeah," She admitted leaning against the wall. "I do. But do you want to know a secret?"

"Please."

"I was looking for a change. I wasn't expecting this, obviously, but a change. I felt like things were so routine and it's not how I used to picture my life. I don't know if it's because everyone grows up and your life just becomes routine, or I really was stuck in a rut. But there's a part of me that was feeling trapped and desperately looking for an escape. So could I be happy here? Eventually. I think. If I found I had no choice. I mean obviously I'd miss my home, my family, and my dog. The important things."

"I understand. But you know people and places are only new for a short while. After that, they are just people. Maybe there was something more to wanting a change."

She shrugged. "Maybe. I mean I've moved around, I've lived in different places, but maybe there was always something missing."

"Sure. Me."

"Yes, you" She pinched his cheek laughing. "You are such a sweetheart I don't know what I'd ever do without you bothering me so much."

"You cannot read minds, can you?"

"What? No. I wish! But that would be one of my superpowers, if I ever got any. That and the ability to fly. Believe it or not, time travel was also on that list, but uh, I'm kind of time travelled out. Anyway, what gave you that idea?"

He shrugged. "Just asking. You do come from another place in time. It is possible you may have gifts."

She slid down against the wall and sat on the floor, watching a horse return to its stable. "Nope, just my sparking personality and bright wit, I'm afraid."

"You do know you will get dirty sitting like that."

"Yep."

"And you do not mind?'

"Elladan, I just slept in dirt with you for days. Isn't it obvious I don't care about a little dirt?"

He smiled and sat down next to her. "My lady, I apologize, you know. I am sorry."

"For what? Is there something you haven't done yet?"

"For being so overwhelming and smothering earlier. In Bree."

"Why do you keep slipping into the formality crap when you're saying something that can be uncomfortable? It's okay; you can just talk to me. I promise I'm not that threatening."

"I did not realize."

"I think you did."

"I promise, I did not."

"Yep, put it to me in writing. We'll straighten you out."

He laughed, "And I shall. I will write it myself. No making someone else do the project for me."

"Hey look at you! Now that's power. I could never find someone to do my assignments; the best I got was finding someone to pass theirs around the table. "

"Now it is an assignment?"

"You betcha," she winked, nearly falling over from laughing. "In fact, I should make you write it out 100 times Bart Simpson style, and then present it."

"And what is the topic?"

"The topic is: Don't worry so much on protocol. You don't have to stand on ceremony when you're saying something difficult. My God, if I did that every time I said something I shouldn't have, well I wouldn't be learning anyone's name. The whole conversation would be My Lord this, My Lady that. Forget what your given name is. When you have something that's not the easiest to say, just say it fast."

"Malia 'ten vesa?"

"Ok that better not be snotty. I'm giving you free therapy. I could charge hundreds for this."

He laughed. "I was asking if you'd like to get some food. Real food." He lowered his voice, "Not Elrohir's idea of food."

She shuttered, thinking of the rice cake bread.

"I don't know," she whispered back matching his tone. "If food is what killed me off here, is it something I really want?"

"Can I have yours then?"

"Sure, but why do you need me there if you're just going to eat my food?"

"Well, I don't need you." He raised his hand to silence her when she glared at him, "But I want you there. So, let me be your escort."

"Oh boy… This again? Is this how my life will be? Having you escort me everywhere?"

"Yes, pretty much. It will be best if you get used to it now."

"Do you guys dress for dinner?" She remembered how class-conscious individuals changed and dressed fancy for dinner. She hoped to God not. It would be hard to eat with gloves and a hat.

"You'll be fine. Everyone will be too intent on discussing me bringing the dirty lady."

"That, right there.. That's what I'm calling my autobiography. Now let's go."

She would name her book nothing of the sort, and they both knew it. She liked to play around and joke with people too, so it would take a lot more to offend her. Still, she couldn't let him have the last word.

Her stomach and mind screamed for the food in front of her, but her heart wouldn't let her eat in peace. Instead, she picked at her plate, which she noticed was all greens. And tried to figure out the conversations around her. She paid particular attention when Elrohir came close to stabbing his brother with the fork for trying to pick food off his plate.

When she was a teenager, the rule completely applied between her and her cousins. One time, she actually made contact with the fork. Though everyone as fine, and no one bled to death, no one would let her forget the stupid fork. To make matters worse, she learned that from her mother!

She then tried to look around and spot the ugliest person in each little group, but soon gave up. There were none. This was the first time she got a good look at each of the elves, since she wasn't paying much attention when she first arrived. She was too busy trying to stay invisible. In turn, however, this was probably their first good look at her, so she sat up a little straighter, smiled a little more, and drank to her new surroundings and friends. She wasn't going home anytime soon, but she had a bed to relax in, and that was a hell of a lot more than she had before.

"Hungry?" Elladan asked her, laughing as he looked at her plate.

She looked down; shocked she had actually eaten everything. Even carrots, which she immediately rejected and she could never stand. She would have had more fun throwing at someone than actually eating.

"Yeah, I guess so. Looks like when you're not paying attention, you'll eat anything." Even at her parent's lame parties, she still had people, sometimes complete strangers, ask her about school, work, her softball games, boyfriends, or rattle on about how she's getting older and needs to find a man who can cook for her.

Elrohir elbowed his brother, who barely had just enough time to cover his plate and protect his precious food. "Some escort you are, she is bored."

"Oh come on, I didn't say bored. In fact, I'm having a whale of a time watching you two play food bandits. I've even chosen a side."

"Is that true?"

"Ick, you have the same tone as my parents, or my teachers. Did I put gum in little Johnny's hair? Did you really set the guinea pig free from the cage?"

They grinned, "Sorry, we learned from ada. Then Erestor. But there is usually a lot more sighing and huffing"

"Actually, Erestor didn't seem too awful. I guess he's alright," she shrugged. She didn't know what to expect, but they made it sound like he went around boxing everyone's ears left and right.

"Bah," Elladan waved her off. "You will see. Or rather, no. We would never want that for you. You will just have to trust us."

"If you say so. You know, everyone's asking me to do that a lot lately. Isn't that a lot of pressure to put on yourselves?"

"We do say so. Now, look at what we have, and tell us who you are rooting for!"

"Ah, I'll never tell. You'll just have to figure it out I suppose."

Meanwhile, at the head of the table, Erestor turned to Elrond solemnly. "What do you suppose they are talking about?" He drew the Elf Lord's attention to the trio with his eyes. "They look awfully…involved."

Elrond groaned, rubbing his face. He had just released the twins from a previous punishment before Bree, and thus before Sasha's arrival. He could only invent so many forms of punishment and discipline. "You don't think…" He trailed off.

"It is exactly what I think. Shall we separate them, then?"

Elrond shook his head. "No. We cannot separate her from her only friends she has here. While I wish she attached herself to other besides my sons, it is obvious they do care. And who knows? Maybe she can, and will, improve their behavior."

"What is your suggestion, My Lord? Are you thinking to let her roam about with them and cause havoc?" Erestor apparently thought she'd fit right in with them, and bring new, and evil genius ways to make everyone's life miserable.

"What if" Elrond thought out loud, "What if she had something else to occupy her mind and her time? But something that was worthwhile and fulfilling?"

"A fine idea. She would fit in with Arwen and the elleth splendidly. Though I do not feel she would accept the idea willingly."

"It is not with Arwen to which I was speaking of."

"Who else did you have in mind?"

"What about this. We do not know how long she will be here, correct? And while here, do you not think it would be beneficial for her to learn something? Communication. Perhaps history."

"You want me to teach her."

"Indeed."

"But you said it yourself. We do not know the length of time, or even purpose for her arrival. What if she is not here long enough to learn?"

"But what if she is, Erestor? What if she would enjoy it? Are you going to deny her that option? I know you can handle a human child. After all, you made it through with my sons unscathed."

Erestor sighed, "You are appealing to my pride."

"Is it working, my old friend?"

"It is done. We shall start tomorrow."

"Shall we tell her of our decision?"

"I recommend not, my Lord. Like you said, I worked closely with Elladan and Elrohir. If she tells them this, then together they will plot and have an excuse not to partake in five minutes."

Elrond hated to admit it, but his friend was probably correct. There's cordial acquaintance friendship, and then there's a true bond. If she decided against arriving in the morning, his sons would be first in line to break her free.

The trio at the other end of the table paid no attention to the pow-wow between the powerful elves. Earlier in the day, when Elladan and Sasha were meeting with Lord Elrond, Elrohir had managed to swipe bubble bath from his unassuming sister, and had possibly emptied the bottle into a small waterfall outside the dining halls.

Elladan had grinned like a madman when he found out. Sasha called it weak.

"Weak!" Elrohir defended his plan, "Can you do any better?"

"It's a low-grade prank, Elrohir. It's more of an annoyance.

"That is just as pleasing."

"And I can do better," she thought for a second. "Well, no. Not so much on the joke scale. More of the embarrassment scale. Don't listen to me, after all, you guys are the masters."

"And the quicker you learn that, the safer you are." Elladan exclaimed. "Next, we should find a way to dye Asfoalth's mane pink."

"Ok that sounds like a horse, but whose horse?"

"Glorfy's!"

"Oh God, Fabio.. Guys, I'm for the idea, but that guy doesn't seem like he has any sense of humor whatsoever. He'd probably tar and feather us in the town square or something. Now," she continued, "in saying that… How about Kool Aid?"

"Pardon?"

"Kool Aid. It's what we used to use to dye our hair when we were kids. It gives you the color, but it comes out when your parents would freak out. I had blue, pink, green for a time," she reminisced, as the twins eyed each other trying to imagine her with blue hair. "In fact," she rubbed her hands together happily, "I wonder if we can make it.."

She loved pranks. She loved watching people mistake her for an innocent little girl who couldn't possibly be the mastermind. Such a kind girl who would never take part in such a thing. Of course, she stopped this at pranks. She'd never lean towards a crime or something that could cause true danger.

"Can you do it?" Elrohir whispered, eyeing Glorfy across the room.

"Maybe. I can try. Let me play around a bit."

"What is this, exactly? Is it damaging?"

"Not at all. It's water and colored powder. Honestly, it's a drink. The powder gives you the color you need, the blue, green, red, whatever and it corresponds to a flavor. Then you mix it with water. Then you enjoy. Let me see what I can do before I open my mouth. The powder came in little packets, which I obviously don't have."

"Will you make us some?" Elladan begged, like she had promised to give him his very own endless supply of chocolate.

"Shh, yes. If it's possible, I swear you can have as much as you'd like, okay?" She sat back, looking towards the exit. "Now, what do we do with this bubble bath? Will it bubble over itself, or do you have to press something?"

They exchanged eye contact.

"Oh geez, that doesn't look good."

"It will need stirring.." Elrohir rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"By what?"

"More like, by whom?"

"Subtle. Okay, by whom?"

The twins stood and offered each offered her an arm. "Shall we?"

She followed their position and took the arms. "This better mean I'm watching out for you two, or standing guard or something. Give me a safety word."

"Not exactly," Elladan laughed, attempting to flex his muscles as she held his arm. "In fact, you are going to help us out."

"I am. I'm going to be the lookout and tell you get out you bozos before you're caught."

"Now you know that's no fun. We can't let you miss out, what kind of charming hosts would we be?"

"Okay, okay. But if you want me to do something for you, you ask me."

"Please, oh Queen, oh brightest star in the sky, will you be so kind as to help us with our plan?" Elrohir smiled, hopefully sounding serious.

"See that you… you brute, it's always your brother who is nice and polite," she shrieked as she tried to dig her feet into the pebbles leading up to the fountain, to no avail as Elladan picked her up like she was a pillow. She knew exactly what was coming. She grew up with a pool and she went to a party school college in the desert. She knew damn well they'd throw her in and not think twice. She was just grateful she didn't have her phone on her, or something that could get destroyed.

"If you think I'm getting in there with you, you're out of your mind."

"And the beauty of being as old as we are," Elladan countered, "Is in human years, we are ancient. Expired, actually. Therefore, allowed to have absolutely no mind left at all."

"Funny."

"Indeed. Now, will you go in like a gracious and kind lady, or must we toss you?"

She tried to kick him.

They nodded to each other, as Elrohir took her feet. "Err, atta, nelde."

"Oh, shit." She closed her eyes, and braced herself for impact. The anticipation was always worse than the actual event.

Before she knew it, she was in. Those scuzzballs, they actually did it! They actually threw her in there.

"I hate you both. Just letting you know."

The twins broke into hysterics and leaned on each other for support. Each time they looked at her, they only laughed harder. Sasha stood up, dripping wet, daring any of them to come closer, or any passers-by to say anything. If looks could truly kill.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah.. You guys think this is funny?"

"I think it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen," Elladan admitted, cracking up again.

"Ditto." Elrohir chimed in between breaths.

Since there was no way she'd be able to lift them and toss them in, she started to splash them. Nothing fancy. Just old school splash.

"Come on in, guys. The water's fine! In fact, if you don't, I'm going to run right up to your dad and hair-God and tell them allll about your evil plans!"

"You would do no such thing!"

She shrugged.

"That's not fair!" Elrohir protested. "You are supposed to be on our side always."

"And I was. Until you decided I needed another bath. Now let's go, time's a-wasting." She splashed them again. She wasn't going to be the only one looking silly.

Unlike her, the twins needed no force. They looked at each other and bound in like little ducks. They had called this little? Her whole complex could have a party. Finally, true to their word, the movement and splashes started to create bubbles.

"Okay fellas, it's taking longer than I expected in here," she confided, holding onto the edge. "We need something big."

"It is too bad we cannot bring a horse in here."

Elrohir and Sasha looked to Elladan, "A horse? Really?"

"What?" he defended his idea, "It is large."

"You guys didn't plan this out all the way, did you?"

"Well… not entirely."

She nodded, "That's beginning to shine through. Okay let me think, how can we speed this process up." She drummed her fingertips over the stony edge and racked her brain. "We can't have other people join us, we can't bring a horse," she snickered as she repeated the idea, "We can't tip this thing over and slush all the water around."

Someone started jabbing her..

"Not now, I'm thinking."

"Sasha." More jabbing.

"Hang on."

"Sasha." Poke poke.

"Just sit there and put a lid on it. I'm busy."

Elladan grabbed her shoulders, twisted her body around, and tilted her head up.

She took one look and tried to sink under the water, before running out of breath and hiding behind Elladan.

Elrond and Glorfindel stood at high noon, none looking very amused.

"Oh. Shit."

"I have no idea what you said," Elrohir whispered, "But I have a feeling you are right."

"You three," Elrond pointed to the land, "Out. Right now."

The guilty party scrambled over themselves to the small edge as though if they hurried and obeyed quietly, punishment would be less severe. Sasha wondered if she should immediately try and explain, or keep quiet until if or when she was spoken to. Elrond didn't look like he was in the mood to hear excuses, explanations, or opinions. She kept quiet and stared at her feet.

She only picked her head up when she saw an extra pair of feet crossing her path. Another elf, of course gorgeous, holding a funky looking guitar, or maybe a harp crossed into the group, took one look, then backed off and left. Great. So everyone knew how much trouble they'd be in. Everyone but her.

"Do I want to know?" Lord Elrond asked his sons. He sounded over this.

Elladan shook his head. "I do not think so."

She poked him, mentally telling him to keep quiet. Half the battle is not saying anything and just let them rant and rave until it's over.

"Glorfindel, please escort Sasha back to her quarters and keep her there."

She looked up, that didn't sound too awful.

Glorfindel approached her and stared sternly. She could actually feel herself shrinking back, and looked towards the twins for help.

"Wait," Elladan called after them, clearly not taking this seriously. "Dare I ask, to have a kiss before I am to enter the chamber or horrors and never return?"

She wanted to tell him to be quiet. Acting smart was probably not the best way to win over his dad. Especially if they all found themselves in this position many times before.

"Dare, dare, my beloved. A thousand times dare."

Elrohir snickered and Elladan puckered up. Sasha turned and followed Glorfy, wondering if she was being led to her death. If she got a last meal, she'd have to remember to say no to carrots.

"It would be wise if you stayed in here, my Lady," Glorfindel opened her door and led her in gently. "Fear not, I am sure they will be adequately punished."

For the life of her, she had no idea what possessed her to look at this God and ask, "What about me?"

"What about you?"

"You don't think I was involved?"

Mayday, mayday, mayday! Shut up now!

He shook his head. "Of course not. Seeing as you are a guest in our land, surely you would have enough respect and control to not take part in such silly actions."

Well. In the words of Lucy Ricardo, "Ewwwwwwww."

"Respect. Yes, that's me. Full of it" She repeated, not making eye contact. "What do I do now?"

"Stay here. I am confident Lord Elrond will call for you when he finds the time. "He bowed his head, closing her door.

Wow, he was a lot nicer to her when he thinks she was the victim of some stupid joke. Wait until he finds out she was involved from the get-go.

She took off her cold, wet dress and placed it on a window seat, hoping it would dry quickly. If it was a loner, she couldn't give it back soaking wet and gross. She picked out a dark green one, the one she was eyeing originally before Elladan, King of the Bozos had insisted on the purple.

She hoped the twins weren't' being eaten alive. She remembered hearing multiple times Elrond was stern, strict, and no-nonsense. So they threw her in after she threatened them. So she wasn't even there when Elrohir swiped the bubble bath. She knew later, she could have said something. She was just as guilty.

Fat chance, though. She was a lot of things, but a snitch was not one of them. She always figured it was none of her business, and the truth would come out eventually. People love to talk. They always want to shed light on their accomplishments, good or bad.

She puttered around the room, weighing her options. First, she was hired for high integrity. That was simply a part of her job. But could she afford to lose status so quickly? Glorfy was right. No matter how well she now got along with the twins, she was still and outsider. She was already different. Could she take a hit being a problem child too?

She knew she should march down there and admit her part. Maybe he'd respect she's not a tattletale. She could confess everything and risk banishment, or she could sit there, look pretty, and act completely innocent.

She loved that idea. Sit there, look cute, and deny, deny, deny. But that wasn't an option and she knew it. Really, there was no choice. She knew what the only way to go was; she just didn't want to do it. They'd do it for her. Maybe. She hoped.

She opened the door and stuck her head out, looking around for anyone who might be there to watch her. Cursing her parents for raising such a wonderful and honest daughter, she started walking, trying to remember what way Elladan had taken her earlier. Soon, she figured it was just easier to listen for raised voices.

She found a hall that looked semi familiar, and pressed her ear against a few doors trying to see if there was a lecture behind them. Finally, she was about halfway down when she hit the jackpot.

She couldn't tell who was speaking and she couldn't make out every word, but she could definitely tell they were annoyed.

"-Be so selfish"

"-So irresponsible"

"-Unacceptable"

Wow, she could have done this lecture herself.

"-Disgrace"

"-Inappropriate behavior"

"-Embarrassment"

"-Guest."

This was a different voice. When one yelled the other was quiet and listened, and when that one yelled, the first one sat and listened. In her experience, next, they would both yell.

She kept waiting for the twins to argue back against these remarks. Maybe she had the wrong room?

Now was as good of time as any. She knocked softly.

"Not now!" One of them, Elrond, Erestor, or maybe even Glorfindel bellowed towards the door.

She closed her eyes and said a silent prayer to herself.

"Mr.-, Uh, Lord Elrond? It's Sasha."

Elrond looked to Glorfindel, who shrugged. He had done as he was told and escorted her to her room. Elrond crossed his study, and opened the door to her. "I'm sorry, Sasha. Now is not a good time. I think you should return to your room."

She tried to peer around him and get a glance at the twins, to make sure they were alive, but his height was too much for her. "Wait, sir, No."

He arched an eyebrow at her. Not many people would dare talk back.

"I mean. Yeah, you're right. I shouldn't be here, not my business, family event, and all that good stuff. I know. But I'm as guilty as they are."

"We can discuss that another-"

"Sir, I knew. The whole time."

"Knew what, Sasha?" He sighed, as if she were a small child who had been running in all day pulling at his coattails.

"I was in on it. Part of the plan? Another mastermind"

Elrohir nudged his brother out of his spaced out, lack of paying attention state and nodded silently to the voice in the doorway.

"Anyway," she continued, "I just wanted to come down here and admit that to you. In person."

Elrond rubbed his temples. "Very well, Sasha. I am sure you know the mistake you made. Seeing as you are not my kin, I've no right to severely punish you, but I am disappointed."

She nodded mutely. She was also smart enough not to say the punishment of a friend's parents flew in her family. Her parents had no problems if she was disciplined elsewhere if she deserved it.

"As for you two," he glared at his sons, "You should thank your lucky stars your friend came over here and admitted her part. Now if only you two would take a lesson. Now go. The three of you will be dealt with soon enough."

The party shuffled out the door, not saying a word. No one dared to say a word until they were safely around the corner and out of sight.

"Why id you do that?" Elrohir stuck his hands in the pockets of his still-wet robe

"Are you crazy?" Elladan added

"Who threatened you?"

She shrugged, as they fired questions at her. Not that she would be able to get a word in edgewise anyway.

"You are not sure?" Elladan pried

"Nope. That's right, I'm not sure."

She knew why. She knew damn well why. And it had nothing to do with her parents raising a lady. Well, it slightly did. But there was more to it than that.

"And you will not tell us?"

"Do I have to? Isn't it obvious?"

Stares.

"You know in some ways, you guys are geniuses. Others, you're thick as a block. Ok, when I was in high sch- erm, lessons. Used to have lessons, we were assigned this really boring book to read. I mean, wow, it was bad. Anyway, there was this boy who sat in my row that I liked. His name was Kaleb. Anyway, he was a little bit of a slacker, never really prepared for class. One day, I got him to talk to me before class started, but when did, of course, he didn't have this book. He forgot to bring it. So, I gave him mine. Of course, my luck, I get called on, and I said I don't have it."

"So you were trying to save this other human from trouble."

"Mmhmm." She neglected to say that he realized it. He knew she did something nice for him, and the whole day after she was willing him to thank her by asking her out. Which he never did. She could take the zero and the hit. She had a high enough grade that to her, it was worth it. Priorities.

"So you took the blame."

"Full on. Which I would have here, too. But I couldn't. Your dad saw us all."

"Would you have?" Elladan asked quietly. This amazed him. "Really?"

She shrugged. "If I'm lying, I'm flying. And as you can see my feet are still right here firmly on the ground."

"Does this mean you will protect us now?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" Elladan groaned; he hated that word. Though it usually turned out to be a yes. "What kind of answer is maybe?"

"Maybe's maybe. Now go do something that won't land you in anymore hot water today? Please? I can only help so much."

"What are you going to do?"

"Take off this damn dress."


	17. 16

As a kid, Sasha's bulk of trouble never came from practical jokes. There were a couple of reasons for this. One, she didn't really have anyone to execute them with. Sure, a cousin here and there, a best friend, but no sibling as dedicated to the cause as she was. Two, she didn't believe herself creative enough to come up with humdingers. You know, the kind that people would talk about five, ten, 15 years after. Her idea of a practical joke was to short sheet someone's bed. Or ring their doorbell and run away. Compared to the twins, she's was a complete novice.

For the first time, she sat on the bed and kicked her feet outwards. Then, she stepped it up a notch and flopped down, hugging a pillow and again strained as hard as she could to remember arriving here. If at this time, Lord Elrond himself was unsure, why couldn't she help herself? After all this time, she never tried. She just simply questioned. She had put the puzzle together, figured what she was doing prior to, and even this Bree, where she had ended up. Why Bree? Why not Imladris? Or elsewhere? Was Bree significant?

Next, she thought of those she met. Specifically, the twins. Did they need her? Nah, they seemed to have it all together. Good things have happened to them, bad things have happened to them. But they were adjusted. Well, of course. They've had thousands of years to get to that point. They wouldn't want to be stuck trying to get her life together as well.

This was hard as she'd really only grown to know two people, when there was a whole race out there. Maybe she was to help a moose? Or a goat? Maybe even someone she'd yet to meet. When she sat and broke it down, and thought about it even though she fought against it, she had a nagging feeling whatever happened, would be the one thing she never knew she always wanted.

And that was comforting.

Someone knocked on her door breaking her from her mental psychology session. Normally, she'd welcome company, but the more people bothered her, the less time she'd have to think this through. And if she didn't think it through, she'd never have a solution. She assumed it would be someone sent from Elrond, as the elf Lord was too busy to go door-to-door himself. They knew she was in there. She couldn't hide and stay quiet until they went away.

After this, she wouldn't have to act sorry.

Instead of a representative for Lord Elrond, or even the big man himself, she got two twins bouncing into her room like overactive puppies. She had to admit, they had a ton of energy.

"Um, what are you doing here?"

"Well, that's a fine hello," Elrohir winked, pulling on her sleeve while Elladan shut the door.

"I should put bells on you two."

"And why is that?"

"You're like cats. I never know when you're going to just show up."

"Well that's no fun," Elladan pouted, "It is more fun for us if you have no idea."

"Guys… Is the fact we just completely annoyed your dad lost on you? I mean he can't do anything to you, but he can kick my ass out."

"Nonsense," Elrohir picked up her pillow from the bed and threw it at her. "We've been testing his patience for centuries."

"Ages."

"Millenniums."

"Oh geez, guys don't say things like that to me. It just sounds so wrong on so many levels and I don't want to picture you as what? 10,000 years old?"

"Well in that case, we look great for our age!"

"Of course you do, fancy pants. Now, would either of you mind explaining what's going to happen now?"

They shrugged. Clearly they had been through this too many times to care. Or even keep track.

"Usually cleaning. That is Glorfy's favorite."

"Cleaning?"

They nodded.

"That's punishment? Chores?" That's not punishment, that's growing up in her mother's house, even though her mother employed cleaning girls.

"It is for us."

She threw the pillow back at Elrohir, "That's nothing, you couple of babies." She'd find some music to put on, and it would be over before she knew it.

"It is if you get assigned to Erestor's office," Elladan explained. Elrohir groaned in agreement.

"Why's that?"

"I think he leaves it messy on purpose. I guess it is simply one thing to be absent minded, quite another when he just wants to torture us."

"Hm. Sounds like something my dad would do." She joined Elladan on the bed, and shoved him over offer a spot to Elrohir.

"Go ahead, sit. Take a load off."

"It would not be proper."

She snorted. Was he kidding? They were all more or less in a giant bathtub at the same time, and a bed was off limits?

"With you, I cannot."

"Either you're really serious, oh my God, I'm radioactive now and you all can't be seen within 5 feet of me?" She pointed to Elladan. "He's fine on the bed."

"Such a small thing does not matter," Elladan took it a step further and laid back.

"Well, this is a switch.. Who would have thought? There you go. He's on the bed. He's laying down. I don't care. Do you really think I'll care if you sit?"

She tried to roll Elladan's feet away. He retaliated by trying to place them on her. She weakly looked at Elrohir for help.

"You are on your own," he grinned, taking a seat on the desk.

"Whatever happened to helping a lady in distress," She grimaced, trying to keep her pillows away from Elladan's feet.

"You do not appear to be in distress."

"What do you want me to do? Cry? Scream?"

"Or plead" He laughed, joking with her.

"For-get it," She hissed. Elladan had now started trying to touch her hair with his feet.

"Come help me, brother. This is the most fun you'll have all day."

She glared, trying to smack him. This wasn't fun. She didn't like feet.

"Once again, Elladan. You are annoying her. Did you not learn before?"

"Nah, she's having fun." He patted her head before she could disagree.

"Damn right he is," She muttered, kicking his legs away. "Actually, you know what, Elladan? I am having fun. I'm sorry for over reacting." An idea formed in her head.

He gave his brother a look, who only shook his head. Even he knew she was up to something.

With his guard down, Sasha was able to hug him in her apology. Using this position, she was able to knock him down from her bed. Elladan stared at her, meanwhile Elrohir laughed hysterically. Part one, complete.

She nodded approval in her tiny victory, as she knew she would not have that advantage again. So, out of spite, she tried to take up all the room on the bed.

Elladan recovered from his shock and tugged her to the floor.

"Hey! Mean! That was really rude."

He sat up on his knees. His knees were about equal to the height of her sitting cross-legged. "You wish to settle this?"

"Them are fighting words," she lunged towards him, hoping to keep him down long enough to hop back on the bed. While he was better built than many other elves she observed, he wasn't an Olympian. Looks are deceiving though; he had the strength of three bears.

Grossly misjudging the situation, he grabbed her, and held her arms down behind her back as she used the rest of her body hoping to hit him. She attempted to knee him in the stomach, or what she hoped was the stomach, in order to bring him down to her level, and tried to place him in a never-before-seen headlock.

Trying to break free from this new devilry, which he must be taught, he knocked her flat on her back, though he was still not free with his head. In hurt, making contact with the floor, and the pain forced her to release him.

They looked at each other, then looked at the floor, then gave up and rolled over, trying to pin the other one down.

"Will you take it easy?" She screeched, "I'm a girl, for God's sake!"

"This is why females do not belong in battle," he grunted, "Do you think you will be shown mercy?"

They crashed into a wall and rolled away in the other direction.

Elrohir, watching this scene, couldn't breathe he was laughing so hard. He didn't know whom to root for. Elladan, of course his brother and lifelong companion, but Sasha, the underdog who he'd keep in his life as well. He just wished he could capture this forever.

"Just be a man and stand down!" She was trying to take his legs out from under him, trying to bring him down.

He flipped her away from him, and held her down with his knee. " I think not."

"You will get off now…" a menacing voice broke though their banter and Elladan was lifted away from her. Both he and Sasha stared at Glorfindel and pointed at each other, trying to catch their breath. Both knocking the other's and out of the way so there was only one to blame.

"Oh, we're dead." She glared at Elladan, who gave a look of death to Elrohir. Why hadn't he warned them?

"Come on, Glorfy,' Elladan laughed nervously, "We were just having fun." Sasha had never seen him nervous before, but she nodded her agreement. They were just roughhousing.

"Fun does not involve high pitched screeching and voices of terror."

"I did not sound like that," She started, and then shut up when Glorfindel turned his attention to her. "Well, I didn't."

"Elrohir was here," Elladan tried a new approach.

"Yeah, he would have put a stop to it if we got to carried away. He's a killjoy." Sasha silently mouthed an apology to him. "What do you think we were actually doing?"

As disheveled and out of breath as they were, both were still fully clothed.

"Come on, you two," Glorfindel beckoned the twins to leave. "I think you all just better leave each other alone for awhile. Seeing as you annoyed your father enough, I will keep this between us. But keep in the front of your minds, I will be watching. Now let's go."

As they shuffled out, Sasha grabbed Elladan by the sleeve. "I win."

"I let you win, I let you have power."

She turned to Elrohir for confirmation.

"He was letting you win." The other elf agreed. "If this was a real battle, you would not have lasted long."

She could easily do the same in about ten seconds, but what the heck. Let them think what they want.

"I, uh, had fun. We'll have to go two out of three next time."

"I will be there. And now, I will not go gently."

"What about the jailer?" She nodded toward Glorfindel.

"Avo 'osto. Leave him to us."

"Guysss…"

"Fear not."

"Right, okay guys. Out. We don't want them saying we can't hang around each other at all."

"Hey, one more thing," Elladan whispered, grabbing her attention.

"Yeah, what?"

"Melin ceni hin lin sila I 'elandhach"

"Yeah, you too buddy." Even though she had absolutely no idea what he just said to her.

"Until tomorrow"

"Why do I feel like I just stepped into West Side Story? Go!" She hissed, closing the door, staring to hum Tonight.

It wasn't long before she felt the loss and the quiet. You know when you have company over and they leave, and you're left with the nagging feeling of what the hell do you do with yourself? She couldn't phone a friend; she was stuck.

She was tired, very tired, actually. But those damn elves made her sleep and rest and take a break so much on the road, she was sick of it. Should she go back and longue in the bath? Should she explore? She really, really wanted to go and ride the horses, but the timing wasn't right. It did not dawn on her tomorrow she would have a long day with Erestor, and she probably should rest.

She tentatively opened the door to her room, hoping it wasn't like other old, 1,000 year old doors and squeaked, giving her away. Relieved to see no guard yet again, she tried to piece the environment together so she could return on her own quickly and with no issues.

Of course after she left, she got lost in three different hallways, but she finally made it outside. There, she learned she could have jumped on the horse any time of day. Although there were no office buildings, skyscrapers, stoplights, or even cars; they wouldn't exist for probably hundreds of years, she was met with a big, full moon that previously, she never really stopped to notice the beauty of. To her, night was just another part of the day, and the moon was just there. The constant cry of city kids who don't know a plant from a tree.

"The new resident troublemaker of Imladris, I have been wanting to meet you. How are you finding our fair land?"

Great. So much for hiding. And she didn't even have one or both of the twins around to deflect conversation to.

"Great," she turned around, looking for the owner of the voice. Of course, another gorgeous elf. My God, she needed to know what these people were drinking, STAT. He had the same long, perfect hair. Is there just one granddaddy elf and everyone is jut cloned from that guy?

For whatever reason, she had gotten away with snarkiness to the twins; God knows how. But this one, this one was new. Should she sit and have a nice conversation like a normal young lady? Or should she hustle off and try to not make more of a scene than she already had?

"Hey, wait a second, I know you."

He stared at her, waiting for her to continue.

"Yeah, I know you. I mean I don't know you, know you, but I recognize you. I saw you before. You're the instrument guy."

"Instrument guy," he smiled, "Let us just use that."

"Hey, no," she felt bad. "Really, what's your name? Short of seeing you for a period of three seconds, we've never met."

"Lindir."

"Sasha." She fully expected him to ignore it and use the apparently universally accepted My Lady nonsense, but maybe if she left it off her name, she'd get lucky.

"What exactly happened, earlier, Lady Sasha? I did not want to stick around and find out."

"Smart move. I don't know, it was silly. We were trying to cause a huge bubble bath effect and just.. Well, I don't know why."

"You agreed without a reason?"

"What can I say? I'm weak."

"Before you were discovered, it looked almost, well, fun."

"Yeah?" She brightened, sticking her hand out to shake his. "Do I hear the voice of a future culprit? It was all my idea, by the way."

Lies. All lies.

He nodded for her to come along as he shuttled more instruments back and forth, "Fun, yes. But I'm afraid I cannot participate."

"Okay, you guys can't sit on a bed. You can't have fun, are you even allowed to laugh? What the heck kind of place am I in?" It seems like every reason for living, everything that would bring joy of any type, was a nay-nay. Nobody was going to be around forever, and in the span of life that you have, you have to amuse yourself somehow.

"What are you, a musician or something?" she bounced from one subject to the other as he handed her various instruments and what she assumed was sheet music. "Do you really play all these?" She couldn't name one.

"I do, and I am. Another reason, among many, why I cannot take part in your adventures."

"Wow, boys are you lucky. Every instrument I picked up, I lost interest in. Let's see." she thought for a second, ticking each one off on her fingers. "There was the piano, the violin, and finally, the guitar. Oh, I tried one of my girlfriend's flutes before and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't make any noise. So that one too. I could just never find time to practice."

She would have never found reason to tell that to Elladan and Elrohir, it just wouldn't come up. They didn't have those conversations.

"Did you not like them? Although that is a great many to try, and find no joy from?"

"Sure I did, I stuck with the violin for about 5 years, until I hit high school and it wasn't cool anymore. But I wanted to sound good and rock out right away; I didn't have the patience to suck first, improve later. So," she gathered more papers in her arms, "I stuck with sports. I stuck with something I was already good at."

He smiled at her, " I think I followed your thought process."

"See that, people I'd meet on the street would understand. Which leads me back to your very first question, how do I like it? Well, every breath I take is just completely obvious I don't belong here."

"Why? Are you not happy?"

She burst out laughing, "Well, no, I wouldn't say I'm miserable But let's think about this. I've already gotten in trouble my first day, I have no idea what the heck you all are saying to me half the time, no, all the time, I have to wear a dress, so no, I wouldn't go to unhappy, but definitely…" she trailed off. She didn't have a word for it. Obviously, she wasn't thrilled, but she wasn't sitting in a ball crying in her room, either. "I'm not happy, but I'm not unhappy about it. If that makes sense."

"See?" His smile brightened, "you just have to talk it out. Oh, and help me out quite a bit, which I am very thankful for."

"You know, you never actually asked me to help you."

"I know, but you were not doing anything. And it seems to have paid off."

"I was moon-watching. That's something."

"Well, Moon Watcher," he stocked the last of his papers in a chest and turned to escort her back. "I appreciate it. Thank you. Or rather, Rim Hennaid."

"How'd you know I'd be out here Did Lord Elrond put out a memo saying there's some batty human girl around, humor her?"

"Actually no."

"So you just decided to come and put me to work yourself?"

"Actually, yes."

Well, she appreciated his honesty. She struggled with asking if he wanted to talk for a bit. Besides Lord Elrond, she had started out snotty and rude to everyone else and when she wasn't stressed out or presuming herself dead, she was nice. She really was.

"So, my Lady, What's life like at your home? What is it you do there that you miss?"

Oooh she hated that question. She had a European mother, and the "what do you do" question was to be avoided at all costs. That, and using your first name at the store. "Uh, I collect evidence at crime scenes."

"I'm sorry?"

"Right. Ranger, yeah, I'm a ranger."

She didn't know what the hell a ranger did, or even was, she was just parroting from Elrohir and Elladan. To her, it didn't sound natural and she hoped he wouldn't notice.

"There are lady rangers?"

"Well, there's at least one. Two if you count my partner."

Well, Lady Sasha ranger, I'm sure Imladris and all who reside here are grateful for your arrival. Even if you did manage to cause trouble."

I can't use your swords, arrows, cannons,..

"Well, thank you," she smiled broadly, "It's nice to hear that. Really. You've made my night."

"Why Is that? Have you been met with hostility?"

"No," she said sorrowfully. "That was me. I was a real jerk to Elladan at first. Actually, Elrohir too, to an extent, but mainly Elladan. They just, I don't know, they just tried to help me for some reason."

"I am quite sure he has forgotten it. They are not known to hold grudges, especially to females."

"Well I can promise you this, I'm sure at some point everyone will be talking about me. I don't mean that as snotty, full of myself jerk, mind you. But I'm not graceful. I have no idea how to use your weapons. I guarantee I'll fall on my butt plenty of times in public before I find my way out of here."

"Well, at least you will be known for your comedy skills. Probably one of the better ones."

"Yep, that's me. Comedianne extordianirre. Hey, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"Okay, if I were to say to you, and I'm probably going to butcher the hell out of this, Melin ceni hun lin sila I 'eladhach, what did I just say? Did I just totally insult you?"

He thought for a minute, and she was getting nervous. Yep, that's it. It's something wicked and cruel.

"Who told you that?"

She shrugged. "No one. I heard it somewhere. It sounded pretty."

"Well then, you managed to find yourself privy to some pretty personal conversation."

"Like what kind of personal? A breakup? Love? Hate? I want to bed you? What?"

"What you said, what you think you heard, is I love to see your eyes shine when you laugh."

Ohhh. She wasn't expecting that. She was assuming more along the lines of Beat it, get lost.

Like a teenager with a love note, Sasha was silently over the moon. "Thanks for translating, sorry if that was awkward. I'm just nosy, I also like to go through people's handbags," she babbled, hoping to play it cool. "I should go, though" she stood and stretched her legs. "I mean God knows what rumors would get started for us just sitting here, right?"

"Would you like me to escort you?"

"Not re- Oh, alright. Fine, come on." What could possibly happen to her here? But she wouldn't win, why ruin the night?

"Please. At least back to the steps by the Great Hall."

"Okay, okay. Yes, you may escort me back."

"You are quite fascinating," Lindir admitted to the human girl, who had gone silent. "Will I get to see you again?"

"If I don't get my butt thrown out, it looks like it." She smiled and dashed up the stairs with more thinking to do.


	18. 17

"Oh God, bed," Sasha muttered, stumbling into her room and flopping on the mattress. She couldn't ignore it anymore. Now it was a pure fact that she was tired and did want a bed. Before a shower; now a bed. She was moving up in the world.

She didn't even care that earlier, Elladan's feet were all over.

"Goodnight everyone," she referred to her life, "I miss you."

"Lady Sasha." Someone was shaking her.

"Grrhuhmh" she mumbled into the pillow and put another one over her head. "Go 'way."

"Are you ready for the day?" Now poking her.

"NO! I'm not. Leave a message after the beep… Beep."

"I'm afraid I do not know to what you're referring to."

"Of course you don't. Let me break it down for you," she didn't even open her eyes. 'If you don't leave me alone, I'll hit you."

"And you were doing so well with your temper, too."

She wasn't even going to dignify that with an answer.

"Fine then. I apologize. But you gave me no other option." The voice calmly peeled away her blankets and flipped her mattress over, leaving a shocked, awake, and completely annoyed Sasha staring at Glorfindel, who tried not to smirk at her.

"What the hell is your problem? I was asleep! Wait, was I snoring?"

"No. And Yes, I am well aware of your human habits."

"What time is it?"

"It has been dawn for a quarter of an hour."

How dare he make her think. Why couldn't he just give her a real time like a normal human being? Quarter of an hour, so 15?

"So say 0715, give or take?"

He nodded.

"Goodnight." She pulled the blanket over her head, ready to fall back asleep on the floor. "I've fallen asleep in worse places than this, just so you know."

"I'm afraid that is not possible. No more sleeping. There are things you must accomplish today."

She wasn't in the mood for the power struggle, but some things are worth fighting for. "It is possible, and I am going back to sleep. I'm tired. Now you can stay if you'd like, but I'm laying back down."

This was nothing new for Glorfindel; he had been though the same routine with the twins many times before. At this point, he could swear the three of them were related. "Will I have to move you, or will you move on your own? And don't," he lowered his voice, "make me move you."

"Don't you want to sleep too?" she tried another approach. "It's early. Go back to sleep, I won't tell anyone."

"I do not require the amount of sleep you do. I have been awake for hours."

Oh, okay. So he's like every other old person in the world who doesn't sleep.

"I haven't slept well in days!"

"Indeed. I would be even more exhausted as well. Especially if I returned to my quarters late last night from a storage room. Now let's go. Up."

She peeked an eye open and moved her arm. "There. That's all you're getting from me."

"You are expected with Erestor in twenty minutes. I shall leave you now, but do not be late."

Great. The last thing she wanted to do was chores. Especially so early. Especially cleaning. She only got in cleaning mode when she was upset. Ugh, well, at least she'd have Elladan and Elrohir there with her; they could see the day pass them by together.

"How long does this typically last? Are we just cleaning one office, or how many do you all have here?"

'Child, what the devil are you talking about?"

"This isn't manual labor?"

"Not for you. You are doing something much more worthy with your time."

"Like what?"

"You are to start lessons with Erestor immediately. Lord Elrond believes it would be beneficial to you during your stay with us."

"You make it sound like I checked in willingly."

"Would you rather return to the open plains? I can easily have that arranged."

"Point taken. Lessons in what? I already know manners and how to walk with a book on my head," She grumbled, seeing the same dresses as the other day. "Is this on top of whatever Lord Elrond makes me do?"

"No, You will serve no manual labor. Your learning of our tongue will be worth more than your time spent with polish."

"I'm not good at languages. I fell asleep in Spanish. So now I have to get up early and go to school again? " She was now even less excited to put on one of these dresses. It would solidify her entrapment.

"School?"

"Lessons. I've been done with this for a few years now."

"I'm sure you will remember quickly what is expected of you. Go now, prepare for the day. I will be outside the door when you are done."

"I'm talking to everyone just fine," she muttered, sulking as she changed into her new dress for the day. This time, it was silver. "At least everyone I'm interested in talking to."

Glorfindel laughed, hearing her though the door.

"I have a damn degree. There's nothing they can throw on me that I can't handle." In truth, she was worried about the language. Even though she had taken Spanish, and was far from fluent, it was still a langue she heard every now and then. Prior to her arrival, she had never heard Sindiran in her life. She didn't even know the basics.

Running her fingers through her hair quickly and rushing through brushing her teeth, she found Glorfindel outside, true to his word.

"Now don't look like we are sending you to your death. This is a good thing. You shall see."

"Don't talk to me."

"This was Lord Elrond's decision, Lady Sasha. I assure you I had no involvement. If it were up to me, I'd have other uses for you."

"Can we just get this over with? I'm not in the mood to talk."

Obviously, this was not a place where she could get her fill of caffeine. Sure she had done all-nighters before, but she knew she was due in class the next day. She had time to prepare her various drinks.

"Well you best pull yourself out of that mood, for you will be doing plenty of it."

"What if Elladan and Elrohir need me?" She was grasping at straws.

"Why would they? So you can plot more ruckuses? They will be told of your whereabouts and can see you after. Besides," he continued, "I seem to remember your expressed desire to learn about the balrog."

"Yeah. I meant from you. Not someone else."

"I appreciate your loyalty, and I will explain myself. You have my word. But teaching is not my strong point; it's not what I'm here for. Leave that to the one who knows how to handle the job."

"You mean handle me."

"No, he means the job," Erestor spoke, opening the door to his study and showing them inside. "And here's the first thing you need to know, and I will not remind you again. When I say fifteen minutes, I mean fifteen minutes. No more."

She couldn't help feeling angry with Glorfindel. Sure, it wasn't his idea, but he was the one who rudely woke her up and dragged her here.

"I…I'm sorry. I'll do better next time." Boy, she had some strict teachers in school, but this was a whole other level.

Erestor nodded in approval, and let her sit down; taking Glorfindel aside and gibbered something she of course couldn't understand. Glorfy left a moment after, sealing her in to her own chamber of horrors.

Sasha meanwhile never understood what motivated people to become teachers. One she hit high school, her mother, a former teacher, began telling her to study education when she hit college age. When she balked and said no way, her mom pressed her to minor. Her uncle's oldest son had just recently finished his stint as a student teacher, and would soon be arriving in his own classroom and studying for masters. She had an ex boyfriend who wanted to teach high school English whom her mother adored. Sasha, meanwhile, just couldn't see the appeal. Yeah, it was great having summers off, but all day dealing with either whiny brats, or teenage know-it-alls, as she was.

"You know," she tried breaking the silence, "I once had a teacher who didn't care if we passed notes in class, so long as we didn't talk and interrupt others."

"Then how are you to learn,' Erestor took a seat behind his desk.

"I didn't. But he sure was popular!"

"What subject was this?"

It was a long time ago. A very long time ago. She wasn't even sure if this guy was alive anymore. "Science."

"Did you enjoy the class?" He took parchment and a quill out for her from a cabinet.

"No way!" she snorted. "I hated it. Science and math just need to go away and never be taught again.. Is that supposed to be a pen?" She asked, changing the subject.

"So your strengths are study and memorization, more so than application, is that correct? And a quill, actually. Have you used one previously?"

"Yeah! Hey, how'd you know? And I have, not often, but I have. My mom was required to use a fountain pen which is basically this," she held up the quill, "but updated. I'm not the best, but I'm pretty good at not making a mess."

"Are you prepared now, or would you like to dally more?"

"I guess I'm ready." The sooner they started, the sooner it was over. There were so many questions she wanted to ask. How long was the school day? Was this for a week? 9 months? A year? What? Monday-Friday? Wait, what day was it even today?

"Seeing as how it is your first day in what I am assured are years, we shall start easy."

"Appreciate it."

He ignored her. "Let us switch places for a moment. What can you tell me about where you are? Middle Earth, Elves, Imladris, anything. Anything you can tell me." This was also a chance to declare knowledge about the One ring, or any danger she may be or bring.

"What do I know about…Okay," she thought for a second. Sure, she knew some stuff. The twins had explained the short version of events, but they used terms she didn't remember, names she couldn't pronounce, and jumped around too quickly. Oh, and something about being the firstborn.

"I know you live up in trees, make cookies, and the head cookie-maker I guess is his job, he's got a little green jacket and white hair. He's a cute old guy. Uh, Keebler, I think they're called. I think they made crackers, too. Now those were good."

"I. See." She threw him for a loop; he wasn't quite sure how to proceed. "But let me assure you, that is not correct."

She didn't think it was. It came from the TV, not real life. Again, it made her feel better when they were as confused or flabbergasted as she was.

"Lady Sasha, I am not sure where you got this cookie idea, but let me say this. If you indeed claim to be a ranger-"

She didn't claim anything. The twins did. She just didn't correct them.

"-You of all people should know not to believe everything you see only once. Now, would you care to try again? Seriously this time?"'

"Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear. You asked, I answered."

He gave her the famous teacher look of try again, or you fail.

"Alright," she sighed. "But it's not much. I have to admit I wasn't paying that close attention. Something about a hall of something, realm of something, whatever or whoever an Eru is, and a whole bunch of terms that sound like insults. Right, and something dealing with firstborn."

Erestor nodded silently trying to piece together what she had told him, making sure it lined up with the truth. While it was extremely weak, it could be improved upon.

"Oh, I know about a Balrog, too. Does that count?"

"You," he spoke in amazement. Here it comes, here was her reason. "You know about the balrog? What do you know?"

"Tall, creepy looking devil things that magically appear in fire. They're not very creative, they're weapons are swords or those ball things with the spikes. And there was this big fight-to-the- death battle between Fabi- Glorfindel" she corrected herself, "And some other name. Goat herder, Goliath?"

"Gothmeg."

"Right, that guy. "

"And who was responsible for this?" He baited her.

"Errr.. M something. Montana? Montague? It began with a M."

"Morgoth."

"That's the one."

"You paid attention to that, I see." He couldn't help but smile. It tickled him she paid more attention to anything Glorfindel said than the twins. Again, she didn't get it all right, or even all the detail, but she can follow along. "But what actually –is- a balrog? You learned that Orcs were once elves, what about balrogs?"

Silence. She had no flipping idea. She never thought to ask.

"I'm good with facts, not names." She explained herself, able to see the wheels turning.

"Alright, one thing at a time," Erestor pushed an ink jar over to her. "While Glorfindel will be pleased to hear you paid attention to his story, you need corrected facts elsewhere."

"Like a story?"

"I suppose so, yes."

She nodded. She liked stories. She was in. 

"A story that will require you to pay attention and focus."

Ugh, nothing ever changed. Even now, she had had to notes and she wasn't even close to the 21st century. Thankfully, she was somewhat decent as an auditory learner.

"I guess you're all the same in every century, huh?"

"If you are ready."

She couldn't' read him. Sometimes, he'd give hints he's got a personality or even having a good day.

"Originally, all elves spoke one single common tongue. Perhaps at this time, you would have had it slightly easier as it was uniformed. Currently, we have broken in two versions, so to speak, or forms. Quenya, spoken by what are referred to as Light Elves. And Sindiran, you have heard that word, by the Dark Elves. Though do not mistake Dark here meaning evil or malicious. Are you with me so far?"

"Quenya and Sindiran got it." He was right; she had heard that word before. Glorfindel mentioned it at some point. She'd heard it a couple of times.

"Now, about the firstborn you mentioned, that is correct-"

"Yeah what's that about?" She interrupted, "First born over who?"

"I am getting there. Do not interrupt. Now, elves were created by Iluvatar-"

"Is that like created though the force? What's that?"

"Do not make me say it again."

"Okay, okay. Continue."

"Iluvatar is the creator of both elves and men. Also, the creator of the world, which we call Arda. Now listen to me, this is important. He did not, at any time, create the ghastly beings known as dwarves."

"So this guy's like God. The Creator of heaven and earth, all things seen and unseen, blah blah blah. Except dwarves."

"If that idea helps explain it to you, then yes."

"Why don't you guys like dwarves? I mean it's obvious." She can't believe she asked that out loud. Were these guys like the little Expedia garden gnome? He was cute and creepy all at once.

"That is a story for another day. But I will tell you they are held responsible for awakening the Balrog under Moria. They are said to be vicious, murdering, jewel hungry monsters." He was careful to avoid saying whether he believed this or not, just what was generally accepted by the elven population.

"Now," he continued, "While it is obvious you are interested in the previous ages and history, I wish for you to spend more time in studying language."

Meh. She cringed. Not her strong point. She had tried so many times to pick up a language, but it just wasn't possible. Her brain wouldn't do it.

"As long as you are fully immersed," now it was his turn to read her mind, "I believe you will be successful." He was back to having a good day again.

That was the most anyone's believed in her since she arrived. Since day one she'd been treated as nothing but a poor lost soul, some weak female. No one to hold her accountable or give her any responsibilities. She was only to rely on the males to keep her in a little bubble. To keep her safe.

Now, it would just be her. No one would follow her around translating. Not that she'd let them. Finally, something she could do for herself and not risk backlash, like the orc incident.

"Not to prove to you I do have a heart, you are excused for ten minutes, and ten minutes only." He stressed, reminding her of earlier.

"You mean I'm free for a bit?"

"Yes. Go now. Your time has already started."


	19. 18

Well, this is it, guys. No, not the end of the story per se, but about the end of what I had originally written. Up until the end of this chapter, there's a chance you may have seen it before. What comes next, will be a surprise. I don't know where I'm going to take this, I don't know what's going to happen to our heroes. I"m trying to decide if I want Sasha to knwo about the Council, or if I want her showing up after. I odn't know if I even want her to stay forever with Elladan. Whatever happens, I promise she won't kick him to the curb; she'll be gentle.

She knew Erestor meant well. He'd thrown a lot of information her way, and there was still more to come. There was nothing wrong with taking time to stop and digest it. But, ten minutes wasn't very long and she was starting to feel the drag from lack of energy and caffeine. This obviously wasn't like a regular university where she could quickly pop over to the machine and be back in time. She never thought she'd miss Elladan and Elrohir driving her nuts. That was actually fun.

Well, that fun sealed her doom. It was her death warrant, and she'd signed it without the knowledge.

She paced the hallways, hoping the activity would wake her brain up and keep it moving for the day.

"Done so soon?"

She turned, almost slamming into Glorfindel.

"Ugh, you need a bell, too." She stepped back, taking note of how good his hair looked today.

"Pardon me?"

"Never mind. Just don't do that. Let's start over. Thank God it's you! Please, get me out of there."

"You know I cannot. It is not that bad."

"A lot you know. I'm making an ass of myself. I'm going to die in there."

"Nonsense." He scoffed. "We have all been there, and survived. Yes, it may be more difficult towards you, but this is only an opportunity show your brilliance. You need language skills. You need structure. You need routine. Once you learn how to fit harmoniously in this household, things will be easier for you."

She didn't need structure and routine. She wasn't the family pet that had to learn how to fit in with everyone's schedule. Then again… When he drove her nuts. When the twins drove her nuts. Routine. She expected it, and thus knew she couldn't avoid it. As weird as it was, she had become accustomed to it. Didn't always like it, hell, she never liked it, but it was comfortable and familiar. After she told them to beat it.

She snorted. "What happened to a sympathetic "friend"" she put friend in air quotes.

"You will see nothing of that until you try."

"Damn it, Yoda. This is a little beyond me, and you know it."

"No, I do not know it. But then again, I'm just a warrior. What do I know?"

She hated being patronized. She hated looking stupid. She'd bungle over the simplest word and get so self-conscious she'd never try speaking to anyone ever again. It happened. She knew herself.

"Come on," he grabbed her shoulders and opened the door again. "Back you go."

She scowled at him and hovered near the door as the two exchanged words and looked in her direction. Erestor stared at her, and stared right back. She wasn't afraid of whatever they were plotting.

Or was she.

Bring it on, big fella.

"Heniach nin?" He asked her, as Glorfindel turned to leave (Do you understand me?).

She was in panic mode. The deer lost in the headlights. It was a verbal language test that she didn't study for, or even knew about. Worst of all, she had no friends in class to feed her the answers. Erestor knew full well she had no idea what was going on.

"Say lou (No.)" Glorfindel whispered to her before exiting, shutting the door behind him. She ignored him. Watch, as he told her to say something totally wrong and inappropriate, a la My Big Fat Greek Wedding.

Instead, she asked what the heck was going on and what he just said to her. Only she asked as nicely as possible.

"Glorfindel was just offering advice."

This was something she could do! She had a special talent for butting into people's lives and becoming way too involved. He needed advice? Maybe a little help? Perhaps she could strike a deal. "Ohhh, I see. About what?"

"It's not important."

"Holy crap, you are all the same. All males. When are you going to learn that every time you guys say never mind, or don't worry, or it doesn't matter, we are going to keep pushing? Girls don't even accept that answer among themselves."

"He told me to show you absolutely no mercy."

"Who said that?" Glorfindel?"

"Yes. Challenge you and head butt you every single step of the way."

"Oh. Well. Shit. He would say that, wouldn't he? I swear he's been completely antagonistic to me since the second I laid eyes on his hair." She said nothing about his chest. "Wait. Did I just make an idiot of myself for nothing?"

There was a hint of a smile on Erestor's face. Only a hint. "I'm afraid you did, but I appreciate your concern. And whatever you would have come up with to help. Now, may we continue?"

She had to agree after she spazzed out and looked like a complete loon. She nodded.

"Very well. In that case, Havo dad." (Sit down.)

"You know. This would be a lot easier if you gave me words to memorize so then I would already know what you're asking me to do. You're literally telling me words I have never heard. I don't know how to obey you."

"I told you to sit down. And in that logic, Glorfindel would have been correct. Lau would have been an appropriate answer."

"I don't even know what you said."

"I asked if you understood me."

"Apparently not."

"Then that is your first lesson in vocabulary. I suggest writing it down."

In high school, Sasha had been decent. She wasn't going to be Valedictorian anytime soon, but she wasn't in danger of flunking out. It was hard to find her place, though. Her school was one of the newer ones built, and it attracted over 3,000 kids. It was an environment where people cared more about what kind of car you got for your 16th birthday than your grades. Her freshman and sophomore year, she cared more about her friends, parties, and testing her parent's patience. In short, she would have been a best friend with the twins. It was by her junior and senior year that she started to take school a little more seriously and started to pull up her GPA. Unfortunately, she also became brave enough to ditch; something she never did for the beginning years.

Then came college. Really, she went because that what was expected of her. At the time, she didn't have many passions. Good families sent their kids to college and she just floated along because that was how it was. She couldn't be a bum, but an updated pattern started again. Did great in classes she cared about, only now she was able to drop the ones she deemed unimportant, such as lab sciences. She created another way to avoid class too. Since she didn't live in a dorm and drove in, if she couldn't find a parking space, God didn't want her to attend class. After failing sociology for frequent absences, her parents pulled the rug from her carefree alone living and dragged her back home, so she could be watched.

What turned things around were realizing that her parents were paying thousands of dollars for her classes. She was partly wasting their money and began to feel bad. It was a kick in the ass, and motivation to finish. She needed to find that motivation here.

If Erestor hovered over her, she would have no choice but to buckle down, study, and learn. There would be nothing else to do and no way to avoid him. But, if he left her to her own devices, she'd be right back out there with the boys, parties, and fun. There were some things that would never change.

He wouldn't hover though, he'd tell her to hold her own and make it happen. She was an adult, as surprising as that was to him, and she should know how to budget her time. Her reminded her of her father in that way.

She found that motivation as Erestor prattled on about Quenya pronouns. He explained she may not have as much use for Quenya, but she'd receive the basics.

Previously, she just wanted him to teach her to say piss off in his own language.

So, she made a promise with herself. If this was how it would be, she'd try. Maybe not do, maybe not conquer, but try.

Half an hour later, she would have rather taken a beating with a brick stick than stay in that seat. She hated repeating phrases or questions. Too many confusing words and sounds that her mouth just didn't want to make. Short, tiny words she could handle. Writing was atrocious. If she wanted to learn little pictures or squiggles, she would have dropped into Ancient Egypt. Or the time of the Romanovs.

She had started to slouch in her seat, and he pounced on her about posture. Sure, she had wanted to retaliate and fight back, but it went against her plan of trying hard, so she just let it go. She did, however, wish he could give her those dratted words already broken down.

She wished she had a white flag to wave. She wished she cold cry uncle. This was a lot to deal with in a day, especially when it was thrown on her. Maybe he was too used to teaching elves that already came to him with an understanding instead of literally brand new novices.

"So, if you were to find the need to write Imladris, or more commonly, Rivendell, in Westron, it would look like this."

She let her head drop on the desk. Okay, maybe that was a little exaggerated, but too late now.

At once, Erestor was at her side. "Are you alright? Will you be needing assistance?"

"Hmm? No go ahead, I'm good. Geez, that really does hurt," she muttered, rubbing her forehead. "I'm listening."

"Perhaps we should consider ourselves finished for the day."

A tiny seed of hope sprung in her heart. Could it be? "Are you sure?"

"I am very sure. Take it easy today. Perhaps see if you can eat something."

She was in no hurry to return to the carrots.

"If you insist."

He was right about one thing. She was hungry. However, she didn't go straight to the dining halls. Last time, she had Elladan with her. This time, she wasn't ready to face the stares alone. Instead, she did the opposite of both things Erestor had told her to do. Walked around, and didn't eat. The air was cool, and there was no snow. Not that it mattered to her; she wouldn't be driving in it anytime soon.

Taking a chair under a large tree in what looked like a soccer pitch, she watched various elves spar. It was stiff and robotic. They couldn't fool their partner. It was as if they knew all the same tricks and sequences, which was no surprise to her. On the other, it was beautiful and precise. But sometimes your best friend in a fight to the death was the element of surprise. How could you defeat anyone if they already knew what you were planning?

She got up and approached the group, suddenly feeling brave enough. "Hey, can I go a round with the winner?"

Nobody spoke. They just stared at her. This girl, this human, this woman had skills?

"Look guys, it's a simple question. Can I go the next round or not?" If these guys were soldiers, or warriors, or whatever the proper term was, there's a chance they've met a human. Which means a chance they can understand her.

One she didn't know tossed her a helmet. She stood patiently waiting for someone to surrender their sword. It only dawned on her after she opened her big mouth that it would be a similar recurrence as before; it was not a sword for her.

Oh God, she thought as she finally saw them all up close. Today, I think I die.

"Sasha! Hey, Sasha! Over here!"

Only a few people knew her name. She didn't introduce herself to anyone here. She turned; ready to tell the owner to butt the hell out. She was busy. She didn't want to be disturbed.

"Hey, uh, Elladan. Can this wait, I'm a little busy."

Well, a nice way to tell him to butt out.

"Ada requested you," he stared right at her. "Come with me."

"Now?"

"Yes. Now."

What the hell was going on with him? He'd never been so cold to her.

She took off her helmet and handed it back to elf that had given it to her. "Um, rain check? Next time?" She hoped they got the hint it wasn't her doing. She was ready to go.

She trudged to Elladan like a child who'd lost her balloon, he took her arm.

"So, what does your dad want?" She asked, trying to prod his mood. "Is everything okay?"

He didn't look at her. "Nothing. Not a thing. He never requested you at all. But I had to get you out of there."

"And why was that?"

"Because, you do not know how to handle a blade and could have been killed."

"They'd kill me?" Somehow, she didn't believe it. If she were evil, maybe. But a poor little lost female with no knowledge of her surroundings? She doubted it. "Anyway, isn't it my business what I decide to do with my time? Am I to spend every minute with you?" Damn it, now she was starting to talk like them.

"Sasha,' he turned to face her. "Regardless of what your stance is on your own personal safety, there are those of us who will swear to your survival."

"Oh, and you're one of them?"

"Yes, I am one of them."

"Look, Elladan." She stopped him, and stopped walking. "That's nice. Really nice. And please don't think I'm unappreciative, but I'm perfectly capable of making my own decisions, getting myself involved in whatever I want to do, and dealing with the consequences of said decisions, no matter how crappy they may be. I'm not a little lost nothing you need to watch out for. If you want me to belong here, I have to not hide away. If I get hurt, I get hurt. I don't make the same mistake again next time, that's all."

Pretty big words for someone who didn't want to eat alone.

"Do you understand what I'm telling you? Does this make sense?"

"I believe so, yes."

"Good," she grinned and reached for his hands. "I'm glad we had this little talk."

"I still wish to protect you, though."

Maybe he didn't understand after all. This was the biggest clash of personalities she'd ever seen.

"Please don't tell me it's just what you do. On the road, it's your job. It's what's expected of you. In a safekeeping utopia, well, what's going on? Talk to me."

"Do you really not know?" He asked after a minute

She sighed. "Oh, I know. Yes. And I'm trying to ignore it. I suggest you do the same. Before I wanted to smack the living daylights out of you for annoying me so much, but now, you've grown on me. I uh, I kind of can't imagine life without you trailing me around so much and showing up where you don't belong."

"Then that is why we must not fight it,'" he grinned at her. He knew why they should bury it deep and ignore it. He knew the logic behind it. He just never thought he'd find himself in this position.

"Why? Let's think about this. Here's one to start… you're about six billion years old?

"About."

"Ok, that's an insane amount of years to be older than someone! I mean asinine! I mean I can't even fathom living that long!"

"Well, I am not that old yet, so there is no need to worry."

"Two," she ignored him. "I could die tomorrow. I can die now. I can trip on my own foot and break my neck the next step I take."

Elladan was silent. He knew that argument better than most.

"Three. And this goes hand in hand with dying. You know I don't belong here. If I'm lucky, I'll disappear tomorrow and then I'll still be gone. I won't be around. You'll look for me, and I won't be here. Nothing against you," she gave him a hug. She didn't mean for any of that to sound as mean and as cruel as it did. She wasn't intentionally trying to hurt him.

He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. He knew that point well, too. He figured this is why those in his position didn't bother with humans. No matter how special or perfect they may be. Leave it to Arwen to be the only oddball, and make it so easy.

"Is there anything you'd like to add so I don't sound like the monster of the group?"

"I understand your logic. This is not the first time I have heard these arguments. Rest assured, this does not happen often."

She wanted to ask where in the hell he'd been told this. Was he really a sailor with a girl in every port?

"The search is over. At least for me."

"No, no, no, no, no. With all the beautiful girls you have around here? I'm just new. I'm a novelty. I'm appealing somehow to your protective masculinity and you feel like some amazing provider, that's it."

"Of course not."

Determined to make her point, she tried arguing early death again. "Okay, so us, we're lucky if we make it to 100. It means you've obviously done something right, and not many get that far. If you're not quite six thousand, and I'm a long way from 100, meaning I will most likely die before reaching it, what kind of life can we have?

"Think back to when you hit 100," she shuttered saying that. She'd never thought she'd have to convince a trillion year old elf-man-child that she was something else. "How long ago it was. How long, long, long, LONG ago that was. What if I wasn't there for that time? What if I was already gone?"

"It would be awful."

"Yes! I'm so glad to hear you say that. It would be incredibly awful! Even when I'm floating around as my little puff puff ghost body, it would still be awful. You'd be without me, I'd be without you, it sucks either way, there's no way to win. The only way to avoid the pain is to ignore it. Pain leaves when there's a replacement."

"It would most definitely hurt, you are correct about that."

"And what am I wrong about?"

"If I could," he tried to hide his heritage carefully, "Chose the life of man. Of mortals."

"Oh, okay. So you get that choice now when it's convenient and I had an argument before. Well, if you do this, we for whatever reason uncouple, end up hating each other, and then you're stuck dying because of me, but you don't have me anymore either. So it's my fault." She started walking away. "No, no, no."

"You are putting too much negative thinking into this," he walked after her, grabbing her arm again. "I assure you, that will not happen."

"Maybe you need to make it to 10,000," she explained, "because it always does. Forever is an incredibly long time, and time messes with you every chance possible."

"Then let me say this."

She nodded. What else could he possibly have to say? This was already awkward.

"I know that other man was the love of your life. That one you carry."

If too her a minute to realize he meant the picture.

"But you know something? You may be the love of mine. And I hope you are okay with that."

She shrugged, sighing, "So what do I do? Run into your arms, tell you it's no big deal, it'll magically be fine? Yes, I'm okay with that. Yes, believe me, if I had the ability I'd definitely give you a second glance, but I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make this work."

"What if we put our pranking time and energy into a solution?"

"There's only one that I can see," she sighed. "I'd have to stay. And that's only the first issue!"

As she walked back to her quarters alone, Sasha tried to think of new arguments that supported her position. While it was nice to be pursued, and she hasn't been in years, it was only because she was new and exciting. Soon, he'd come to find out she was really boring. She did have some long lives in her family, a great aunt who lived to be over 100, and her grandparents were well into their 90s when they passed. But still, that was a long way from six billion, or however old he was. She'd never make it that far, even on Mars.

He had mentioned giving up this forever life, but only after she told him no way. Part of her wanted to say yes! Do it! But then again, she didn't want to be responsible. Plenty of people she knew changed things about themselves or their life to please a partner, and then eventually grew resentful and spiteful even though they swore up and down it was no big deal, they're doing to for love.

While she was still hungry, there was no way food was going to save her now. She felt like the monster in the night that had crushed his heart. Well, mac and cheese may help, but she assumed they wouldn't know what that is. Much less know how to make it. So, she did what she had become accustomed to do with Elladan, she ignored it.

Well, with mild difficulty. You can ignore your heart and feeling all you want, but it's a little harder to ignore your stomach.

She noticed the door handle was polished recently, and figured Adonnenniel had absolutely nothing else to do. Personally, she could think of a million other things she'd rather do than polish a door handle, but it was clear the elves and herself had different opinions on just about everything. She pushed the door open, noting it was heavier than normal, and looked around. This wasn't her room.

This wasn't her space. This didn't even look like her room. This was way grander and elegant. She looked around quickly, and mentally made some decorating notes, you know, just in case.

"Oh, shit," she muttered to herself, backing out slowly. "I'll just deny the whole thing. I saw nothing. I wasn't here."

"Your denial will not be necessary, for I am certain you mean no harm."

Sasha stiffened, and stood still. "I am not here, you're in the matrix." Okay, that didn't work. "I'm sorry, it was an accident. But it's gorgeous by the way!" She slithered though the space between the door and frame, "uh, bye!"

"You do not need to leave, Sasha."

"No, I think I do. This is incredibly awkward. Wait," she turned to the other girl, "How do you know who I am?"

"You're something of a novelty, I'm afraid. Nearly everyone knows the story of the human girl my brothers brought back."

"Well, at least I'm famous, right?" She broke into a grin, "maybe I'll make it into a song. Ok I heard about you briefly, as in just your name, but for the life of me I can't remember it."

She was awful at names. But she'd remember your face thirty years down the road.

"Mae government, Im Arwen," (Well met, I'm Arwen.) "Man eneth lin?" (What is your name?).

"You already know who, Oh I get it. Um, Im Sasha."

She smiled, "Well done."

"I can do short, easy words, just don't' ask me to do any major soliloquies," she laughed, "Well, at least not yet. I have feeling it'll come whether I like it or not."

"Knowing Erestor, that is a likely assumption. And then he will correct you on the feeling behind it as well," she laughed slightly, "are you sure you do not want to come in?"

" I can't. I mean I shouldn't. I kind of have a lot of things I need to deal with right now and I probably wouldn't be the very best company for girl talk."

"Things to deal with like my brother?"

"Ugh, yeah," she came in and flopped on the bed. "Can you believe he just springs this one me? I swear the other day we're trying to tear off limbs, and now this. I mean what happened in between these two points?"

"Well, I usually do not meddle in my brother's affairs, for they generally do not heed my advice anyway, but-"

"That's another thing. Why are men so dumb? I mean they want help, they want our opinion, and then turn around and do something completely idiotic and the furthest thing from what we said? Wait, continue." It occurred to her she cut the elleth off. "It's been awhile, I've got a lot to say. Let me guess… He wanted you to talk to me."

"How did you know?"

She rolled her eyes. "They're the same in every century. Send in a girl to get the truth. They know it, but they don't want to accept it. He wants me to tell you that it was all in my head and I'll be his forever, or something corny."

"So you have no feelings of affection?"

"I didn't say that."

"Then you are very much in love?"

"I didn't say that either. That's him! Not me. Maybe he's confusing love with something else."

"Such as what?"

"I don't know. Need? He got to swoop in, be the hero, but don't ever tell him, and created this whole love story in his head?"

"I am not so sure about that one. Elladan is a prankster, and is determined to enjoy his life, but he's also uh, got his head on straight? He would never allow himself to be taken in by such fripperies or create something that is not there. If he feels it, he says it. If he thinks it, it's known. There is no wondering."

'Hm. Okay, let me put it this way." She tried to figure the best way to explain this to an immortal. "Love, or feelings, or whatever he's thinking is happening takes time. Humans take time we really don't have. Then one day, before you know it, you've wasted years either with the wrong person, or waiting for a proposal. You guys, have all the time in the world to learn about someone; you don't have to love in an instant."

"Why put words to it at all? Why not just feel?"

"Because," she sighed, "that's a one way ticket to pain and heartbreak. Sooner or later, you have to be smart about it. I've jumped before, if it's not obvious. You don't have to talk me into liking him, somehow he's won me over and I don't know how. But this is just way, way, too quick for me"

"Sounds as though you already made your choice. Now you just have to stay with it."

"Are you crazy, I can't do that. Then I'll really turn into the bitch who killed his heart.'

Arwen put her hand on the girl's shoulder. "If you do not feel this way, you must tell him. It is impolite otherwise. If you continue on without a pure heart, then yes, you will destroy him. If you need him to wait, you have to trust he can withstand it. And he can."

"Can you tell him?"

"You must not worry. Everything will work out, as it should."

"Want to know something?" She admitted to air. Arwen nodded silently. "I've purposely missed things and kept out of sight. It's kind of nice to be wanted."

"Then perhaps you should give it a chance? Maybe you will be surprised."

"How do you know so much about this? More so, why are you so okay with this?"

"I, too, hold deep feelings for one of the second born. And he shares your worries."

"Ooooohhh, that's what he meant! I heard about this. Kind of. Your brother is a blabbermouth, just so you know.

Anyway, I'll have you know, before I showed up here, I worried about very little. Least of all men."


End file.
